Author: Mosh

Book catchup

Cover of "The Danger"
Pick of the bunch

No time to scrawl reviews (OK, I can’t be arsed), but I like to keep a note of what I’ve read. So recently I’ve made my way through:

The Travelling Vampire Show by Richard Laymon – not too bad, though not one of his best. 7/8 of the novel is very A Painted House with nothing really happening. Then the horror happens in the last couple of chapters. Basically, it feels like an overgrown novella but it reads well enough for it.

Outbreak by Robin Cook – it’s been a while since I read a Cook novel so I’ve got past the “they all seem the same” phase. Enjopyable, good characters, although a very predictable “twist” at the end.

The Sleeping Doll by Jeffrey Deaver – not one of his best, and he’s managed to shoehorn Lincoln Rhyme into it, as he always seems to. It’s fairly sizable for a Deaver and it does feel a little padded. You can pretty much see the chapters that would be cleaved out were it to be made into a film. Otherwise, a good read, although – maybe I’m developing psychic abilities – yet another predictable “twist”.

The Danger by Dick Francis – the first Francis I’ve read and I really enjoyed it. Short, compact, whatever. Compared to the first and third books above, this was far better. No additional padding, some great detail (although dated, given it’s 1980s publishing period), a bare minimum of characters and a good plot. I’ll definitely be keeping my eyes open for more of his stuff.

Edge of Danger by Jack Higgins – again, the first book I’ve read by a pretty popular author and I wasn’t too impressed. A little like my first exposure to Wilbur Smith – the story’s not too bad (though Smith’s was better) but the language and diction is very out of date. I thought It had been written in the 1970s until I came across a reference to the Millennium Dome. Still, it’s onle novel in a 2-novel volume so I’ll plough through the second as well and see how it goes.

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Goal 3

Goal! 3
Can't find the poster - have a chubby Mexican instead

I have some spare time so I’m rattling off a quick review of Goal! 3, the third and final in the Goal! series.

After enjoying the second one while I was back home I had high hopes for this installment, but sadly felt a little let down for most of it. The plot that had been built up with Santi was all but thrown away and he becomes a background character. Instead the story focuses on two of the England squad as they go through the run up and matches of World Cup 2006.

Don’t expect history to change much over the course of the movie. Also, don’t expect great chroma-key effects. It’s surprising that, given this was always intended to be a trilogy, the budget for this third outing seems so visibly smaller than the first.

On the plus side, once the initial “what’s going on?” effect has passed, the story isn’t that bad. Following the path taken by Goal 2, the writers have focussed even more on the characters than the football which is now more a background setting. In fact, by the end of the film you are sat thinking that there are more important things in life than kicking an inflated pigskin around.

And the thing is, it’s true.

In a way, that does make it a good ending to the trilogy. I was just amazed to see the whole Santi thing vanish. It was the hugest of hooks at the end of the second movie to drag you (or at least me) in for the final installment and, frankly, you don’t actually have to have seen the first two to make sense of the third.

Yes, it’s predictable. Yes, it’s just a soap on the big screen (well, straight-to-DVD screen). But it’s a soap based around football so it’s OK for blokes to watch it.

One tiny highlight is an appearance by Mike “I destroyed Newcastle, I am a fat bastard” Ashley. He’s only there for a minute and his only dialogue is a short, miserable line of profanity. Which is pretty apt, really.

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Underage sex

Bloody Nose
Mmm. Dribbly.

That got your attention.

While at Graspop and under the influence of too much beer, and having heard of the death of Michael Jackson (am I the last blog in the world to mention that?) I had a thought.

You know the “If they’re old enough to bleed, they’re old enough to breed” phrase? Does that include punching them in the face?

And with that, I shall go into hiding for a couple of weeks due to lack of internet access and time. Back when I am.

[Aside: when I did my original post, Zemanta decided I was interested in linking to “Michael Jackson (writer)”. I narrowed the search to “underage sex” and it changed to links to Wacko Jacko. Strange, that]

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Dear passenger…

Gesture raised fist with middle finger lifted
You wanktard

Were you the individual who left your bag in the ladies’ toilet at Edinburgh Airport yesterday? The one who sparked the security alert which caused a 4-hour delay to Leah’s flight (not to mention other changes and cancellations), which made he rmiss her connecting flight to Singapore from Heathrow and onward flight to Kuala Lumpur? Which means – assuming she makes the new connections – will have her arriving over four hours late, close to midnight and with no luggage for two days?

If so, I hate your guts. I hope beyond hope that the bag contained enough material to identify you and have you crucified. At the very least I hope all of your travel documents, passport, money, house keys and the like were inside and it was blown up in a controlled explosion and it costs you a fortune to replace it all.

You stupid, bloody idiot.

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Are you fit for the UK?

A British passport with the name of European U...
Do you deserve one of these?

@LDN on Twitter pointed out the following link today, asking readers – UK citizens and not – to click away and give it a go. I don’t know how many replies they got (“inundated” was the word used), but not a single person passed.

The link? A trial version of the UK Citizenship test which those applying for UK citizenship have to pass.

There are 24 questions with a passmark of 75%. I got nine (38%) and therefor failed miserably. I reckon I’m fairly well informed about my country but there you go.

My issue is the relevance of some of the questions to potential citizens. I mean, what on earth does it matter whether or not you know how many people claimed to be Muslims in the UK in 1981? Really? Knowing the unposted national speed limit is getting there – but only of complete relevance to drivers. Anyone who doesn’t have a drive will learn this as part of the driving license procedure.

In addition, on going through the correct answers at the end, I am informed that the questions I got wrong on the European Parliament should have been “B and D”. However, I was only given A, B and C to choose from.

Needs more work. And thought. And care. But then again, it’s been dreamed up by one of our mad government departments so one can hardly expect it to be remotely sensible.

If I fail the official test, will my government help fund my move to Hanoi or Bangkok please?

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