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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

On a scale of “meh” to “wow”,Â Revenge of the Fallen makes the mercury explode from the top of the thermometer in glorious CG red splashes.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: there’s a plot? Oh, yeah. Some metal thing puts some mumbo-jumbo into the kid from the first film’s head and the bad guys want it. Which means lots of robots beating the crap out of each other.

I was listening to Radio 5 Live on the way back and someone connected with the upcoming feature Moon spent a good few minutes absolutely slating Transformers 2. The basis for his argument was that science fiction is – or at least used to be – about things other than big robots hitting each other. He’s right, you know. The likes of Soylent Green, The Omega Man and 2001 were definitely more high brow than this… but Transformers has big sodding robots from another planet! If that’s not science fiction, I don’t know what is.

Sure, there’s only a basic story – enough to hang a few gazillion computer calculations off – but there are also a fair few laughs and some quite outstanding action sequences. Oh, and there’s Megan Fox for the eye candy. At least I’m assuming she’s stunning – it’s hard to tell when it’s so patently obvious she’s wearing enough makeup for Optimus Prime to cover up his wrinkles.

If I had to pick a stand-out performance, I’d go for John Turturro as the voice of Jetfire. Whoever decided to make him an aging Brit was a genius. Watching a hulking rustbucket on two legs stagger around and say “bollocks” helps take the Transformers out of “object” territory and into “character”.

If I have a complaint about the film it’s that there’s just too much going on at times. The screen is only so big and the effects so complex that I just felt like I couldn’t take it all in. A shame that there isn’t a local IMAX screen as this is most definitely a movie that would benefit from the additional screen real estate. I believe the IMAX version is also a noticable amount longer.

Science fiction comes in many flavours. As do summer blockbusters. Revenge of the Fallen fits well into both categories and they don’t bust blocks much bigger than this.

Bedtime Stories

Yup, another kids’ film. And a pretty darn good one as well. Bedtime Stories is one of Adam Sandler‘s less annoying movies where he just plays a person rather than a character. Ben Stiller should realise his films are better under the same circumstances as well.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Sandler plays Skeeter Bronson, a luckless chap who’s father passed the family motel on to a business man with a promise that Skeeter would one day run it. Of course, this doesn’t happen and Skeeter becomes the handyman. He entertains his niece and nephew with the titular bedtime stories which start to – in some haphazard fashion – come true.

It’s a fairly familiar plot, on the whole, especially for Sandler. However, it’s good fun with plenty of little background gags that may even make it worth an extra view. As Skeeter tells his sister’s kids the stories, the scene shifts into whatever fantasy world the tale is set in leading to some good jokes and special effects. They’re the kind of thing you wish you could dream up at a moment’s notice if you’re trying to get a small child to settle down for the night.

The bad guys are suitably bad (and I was amazed to find out that the crotchety one was Lucy Lawless), the good guys suitably sickly and the animals suitably cute. I was impressed with how the scenes from the stories worked their way into real life – especially the last one. Surprisingly clever, in fact.

One thing that did grate, though, was Courtney Cox‘s performance. It looks like she’s had some kind of facial operation which is weird enough, but all of her lines are out of sync with her mouth. I can only think that the weird look affected her ability to talk at the time of filming and they did a pants-awful job of the dubbing afterwards.

My little cousin loves this film and I can see why. Great family fun.

Firefox and Chrome have no security

Microsoft have a nice new page telling you how great IE8 is and how it’s miles better than Firefox and Google Chrome. Well, they would say that. The “facts” they’ve put forward, however, are dubious to say the least.

Apparently Chrome doesn’t have crash recovery or tab isolation. Well, as far as I was aware, tab isolation (where if one of your web pages crashes, it doesn’t take the whole browser down with it) was one of the major features of Chrome. This makes crash recovery less of an issue, but if the whole thing does go belly up, then trust me – Chrome will recover, send info to Google should you choose and then ask you if you want all your pages back. If that’s not crash recovery, I don’t know what it.

Firefox, to the best of my knowledge, doesn’t have tab isolation. Although it may be in v3.5 which is due out at the end of this month. This version also features “private browsing” where your history and so forth aren’t recorded on your PC. This is to secure your privacy. And ensure you can look at porn without your wife finding out. According to Microsoft’s little table, Firefox doesn’t have this… which is true for about 2 weeks. Chrome, on the other hand, does already feature it. If you’re using Chrome, try hitting Ctrl+****+N and you’ll find yourself in “incognito”.

OK, technically the table says that IE8 has “InPrivate Browsing and InPrivate Filtering”. Given these are copyrighted terms then it’s fair to say the others don’t have them. For some reason, though, MS is effectively saying their privacy is better than the others’, but not justifying it.

Security: IE8 has it, the other two don’t. Well, unless you add extensions. A fair point “out of the box”, but the sheer volume of plugins available for Firefox alone says that it’s got better protection. If you want more protection, download AVG‘s free antivirus. It offers a cobble-on for IE and FF which protects against malware.

As for “compatibility”, for some reason MS are claiming that IE8 is better as it works with more web pages than the others. I’d be really interested in knowing how they tested this. The only way to check if a page has rendered correctly is to look at it. And I seriously doubt they sat a handful of temps down and got them to check several billion web pages.

Microsoft’s claim that IE8 is best for development as you don’t have to install other tools has a flipside as well – bloat. If you decide you don’t want to use the MS tools then you’ll have to install other ones alongside the cludge already there.

Then there’s something MS don’t mention – user base. Where’s the link on the web page to download the Linux version? Or the Mac? Both alternative browsers are available for both platforms (Chrome only in beta on Linux and Mac, admittedly), as is Opera. Even Safari is available for Windows.

At the end of the day, pretty much every Windows user will end up with IE8 as a part of Windows Update. Non-Windows users can’t get it. So why bother trying to plug it?

Agent Cody Banks (1 and 2)

OK, not only did I watch Agent Cody Banks one night, I followed it with Destination London the night after. Overall I was pleasantly surprised, and the films are very different from one another.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Cody Banks is a 14 year-old drafted into the CIA via a spy summer camp (of course). Bad guys want to take over the world with a mad plot. He stops them (in both films).

We’re introduced to Cody (Frankie Muniz from TV’s Malcolm in the Middle) in the first film with a scene at home followed by an short action sequence. These cover the obvious bases so we know who he is – an average teenager with above-average abilities.

The film’s madman with views of global domination is Brinkman (Ian McShane) who is forcing one Dr Connors to create a horde of nanobots capable of eating metal. Brinkman even has an evil henchman (Arnold Vosloo from The Mummy).

Banks is taken under the wing of a rather hot “handler” and between them they wheedle Cody into the interests of Connors’ daughter to infiltrate the mountain lair of Brinkman. All very James Bond Jr., really. Oh, and there are gadgets. And a mad inventor who creates them.

The film has action, slapstick and laughs. The effects are pretty decent for what is a comparitively low-budget offering and it offers bags of entertainment. As ever in a good kids’ film, adults are made to look bad compared to the children.

Points for spotting the “Flynn” reference late on in the movie.

Destination London is a little different. It’s more of a children’s film than the first offering. The action is more slapstick, the plot a little simpler and the humour more kiddie. There’s even a random fart gag and a character called “Jerkalot”. This time we have another madman intent on taking over the brains of many heads of state. Along with more gadgets and the most bonkers “Q” rip-off character, it’s a worthy sequel though not as good as the original from this adult’s viewpoint.

Neither movie is as good as Stormbreaker, but that’s partly due to Alex Rider being English. And like Bond, to be a good secret agent you really have to be English.

OK, or Scots. Or an Aussie. Or Welsh.

Red Cliff

First up, Red Cliff is quite simply beautiful. Imagine a cross between Saving Private Ryan and Lord of the Rings but set in ancient China. This release is a 2Â½-hour contraction of the two separate films released in Asia, but feels like 1Â½ hours when you’re watching it. I have the original versions kicking about and will watch them but, really, you have to see this on a large screen. The biggest travesty is the lack of an IMAX version.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Read Records of the Three Kingdoms if you have a year or two to spare. If not… the Chinese Emperor reluctantly agrees to send troops into the south to put down warlords who some political types think are being a little too powerful.

The reasoning behind the shortened western release is that the plot features quite a few characters, many of whom the Chinese are brought up to know about. As such, the story is easier to follow than it would be for those who haven’t heard the basis of the story before. I have to admit that at points I was a little lost simply as some of the cast look the same. Yes, I know – “all Chinese people look identical blah blah racist blah”, but it does take a while to get your heard round the quick introduction to all the cast.

It’s not going to be to everyone’s taste, I admit. It is slightly arty in places and it does use wirework, which generally I’m not keen on. In this case it’s not overused and adds to the scenes in which it’s used rather than being the centrepiece (as inÂ Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). The story is well-paced and interesting with a couple of moments that make you smile as the “good guys” get one over the evil empire. Â OK, that makes it sound like Star Wars.

However, what the film is all about is the action. The scenery. The grand scale. The costumes. Just settle back and let your eyes feast. John Woo has made some more than decent films in the past, but Red Cliff just shoves them all to one side. It is, quite simply, magnificent.

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