Author: Mosh

Someone I know has a few pups available as their dog has just given birth. I asked in the office a couple of weeks ago if anyone wanted one. One of the guys was interested until he found out they couldn’t leave their mother till February. A shame – he had some Korean friends over for xmas.

Puppies are great. When you put them in the freezer, they all huddle up and really maximise your storage space.

I meant to post this a while back, but according to the BBC women ‘still face glass ceiling’. Now, the only way I can see for someone to face a glass ceiling is to be lying on your back… I wish I had that option to be promoted.

I’m all for glass ceilings. As long as all the women working on the floor above are fit, go commando and wear miniskirts to work.

No, **** that. You’re all weird. Read this and suffer. Or skip it, your choice.

Southampton, it seems, have sold Beattie to Everton. Harry Redknapp now has some cash to spend on bolstering Southampton’s defense to keep them in the Premiership.

When questioned about possible purchases, the following brief snippet of conversation took place:

But the former Portsmouth manager denied speculation he was interested in Newcastle centre-back Titus Bramble.

"I have not enquired about him," he said. "But we need people with a bit of pace because this team has not got any really."

"Besides," added Redknapp, "he’s ******* *****."

It is possible that I may have added a little to the original quote. In all fairness, Harry isn’t stupid and Bramble is a ******* liability.

Titus, while I admire your ability to hare after someone and with a split second while in the penalty area, go down into a slide, hook your leg round and with a deft flick of the ankle dispossess them legally and save us from going a goal down at a vital moment in the match if you were to gain possession of the ball and attempt to cross it to another player I’d say NOOOOOOO! No, Titus, don’t launch an easy 20-yard pass to the sidelines into row VV (second tier). NOOOOOOO, don’t turn a simple one-touch pass to your co-central-defender into a pass to the feet of an attacking international. NOOOOOO don’t attempt to play a long ball 40 yards towards a sprinting striker only to have it disappear over the line for a goal kick because you have no ******* concept of how hard to kick a ball.

Erm… for sale: one defender. Slightly used. Built like a brick shithouse. Ideal for holding up heavy things. Really good. Honest. &pound5 million o.n.o.

Well, at number 9 actually but I couldn’t resist a Bill & Ted quote.

I was just getting ready to go to bed last night and their door kept openign and shutting. Much rattling of the driveway gates (which is bloody annoying as they’re attached to my house and actually make the floor vibrate if they’re – say – slammed violently off my wall).

So I did the usual and peeked out. One of the minibuses that take people to the airport turned up. quot;Oh," thought I,"the buggers are off on holiday."

But no. First one large suitcase on wheels emerges airborne from the front door. Then another. Ratboy appears and lugs them down the drive to the minibus and loads them in. Then goes abck inside and comes out with a box full of plastic bags – definitely not holiday luggage.

This is followed by another box, another bag and a large portable telly. Malaga is, I’m fairly certain, not the intended destination.

He disappears into the house again and the driver starts to get bored, revving the engine and moving the fan back and forth. I could hear things being thrown down the stairs as if there’s more to shift, but after five minutes Ratboy finally reappeared.

Only to go over to the minibus and start to unload everything. The driver drove off, Ratboy took everything back indoor and the door was closed.

How ******* weird is that?

And a good job, too. We’ve pretty much run the old one in the ground and it’s completely twatted. No use to anyone any more.

How long before we wreck this new one, then? I’m going to make an early start and see how much damage I can do by mid-February.