First off, note the abbreviaton for Babylon A.D. is “B.A.D.” which is ******* apt, believe me. Brief review: this film sucks.
In fairness, I did expect it to be **** before I saw it. I checked out the reviews and they universally panned it (except the red-tops in the UK which seem incapable of giving any film with explosions in it less than three out of five), but I had an afternoon to kill and cinema tickets are less than two quid in Kuala Lumpur. Unfortunately they also only do “caramel” and “sweet” popcorn. Ick.
The film fails on so many points. The direction is atrocious. Cuts are in bad places (and I’m not talking about the ludicrous hatchet-jobs done by the Malaysian censors). The fight sequences are the most confusing and least watchable I’ve endured since Daredevil.
The dialogue us utterly, utterly ******* awful. It’s so trite. And the way the little travelling group turn from suspicious to best of buds in the space of a couple of hours is nonsensical. The “near sex” scene… what a crock. The mawkish ending… sick-making. Then the next stage of the pointless ending, even more so.
And let’s not forget some of the acting. ****’s sake. OK, Vin Diesel is Vin Diesel. Nobody expects anything else from him. Monotone, face like a slapped monkey, punches things. Not too hard. But Charlotte Rampling? The last time I heard such an overacted voice it was from a child actor. I’d have expected better from her.
It was a surprise to hear some decent music in the soundtrack – Sepultura’s Dead Embryonic Cells turns up in a fight scene. And – lo – but it is butchered about as badly as any of the rest of the film. Amusingly, though, the Malaysian authorities didn’t seem to notice the word “****” in the lyrics so that has, at least, been left unmolested. A shame the director (or whoever’s to blame since he withdrew his name from the film) did such an atrocious job of the sound mix it sounds like a broken tape.
Overall? No redeeming features what-so-*******-ever. If you fancy Vin Diesel, download some pictures and have a ****. Or wait for Fast & Furious to come out next year.
Always nice to have something to write about so why not my first trip to the cinema in months? Talia and I popped out to see Iron Man when I was over in the UK at the weekend, and a worthwhile return to the theatres it was for me. Talia knew nothing about the character, and I’m vaguely familiar courtesy of a handful of Marvel comics from when I was a nipper.
It’s the latest in a long line of comic adaptations, a line set to continue as licenses are being bought up left, right and centre. Fortunately, most seem to be pretty good and this one definitely falls into that camp. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it’s the best Marvel adaptation since the first of the recent Spiderman films.
The way the scene is set kicks the film off well. Is the central character nice, or a bit of a ****? Shoudl we feel sorry for him or feel he’s getting what he deserves? Either way, a ton of bullets and a huge amount of explosions is just how an action films should start.
Robert Downey Jr is, simply, fantastic as Tony Stark. He’s dry, unassuming, completely straight-faced when dealing out some very witty lines and his timing is spot on. The only crying shame is that just about every one of these classic moments of dialogue is in the trailer.
Jeff Bridges was the other standout cast member for me. Apart from one other person, who I can’t name for fear of spoiling the post-credit sequence. Yes, folks – don’t miss the last 60 seconds after all the names have rolled!
There are a gazillion better film sites out there that can review this better than I can. But from a middle-of-the-road fan’s perspective I can definitely recommend it. The plot’s a little “by numbers”, but the effects are superb, the acting top-end and the whole look of the film just spot on. All the little things like the incidental graphics and hardware that Stark uses add to the whole thing without making it seem over-the-top.
For those with a knowledge of Thai, “Tom yum goong” translates as “prawn soup”. Something I’d normally find rather repulsive, but when it’s the title of a Tony Jaa film I’m prepared to give it some leeway. It’s Western title was The Protector which isn’t quite so classy. if you can, get hold of the Thai version (subtitles help) as it’s almost 15 minutes longer than the international release.
First off, this is not the sequel to the superb Ong Bak – that’s still being worked on and is due out later this year. Tom yum goong is a completely separate film and, though not as good as Ong Bak, certainly has its moments.
It can be a little hard to follow as times as the action jumps from Thailand to Australia about half an hour in. At the beginning, it’s all in Thai. Once we reach Oz, the film features Australians, Thai and Vietnamese. In many instances – and sometimes for no apparent reason – characters interact in badly-accented English. Not too hard to understand, but I think it would have made more sense for the Asian characters to converse in Thai and leave the subtitles for us slow Westerners to follow!
The editing early on is also a little over-zealous. Often things happen far too quickly or appear disjointed. Whoever story-boarded the boat chase has some great ideas, but the director could do with studying the Bond films a little more before his next outing. Regardless, it’s pretty spectacular for something coming from a country not (yet) famous for its cinematic output.
Productions values can seem a little low, and the sound effects in particular hark back to ye olde days of Bruce Lee with over-loud smacks, cracks, crunches and pops as various acts of violence are done upon fleshy bits. This isn’t too bad, but in the earlier sequences it does seem out of place. The scenery in the gangsters’ den, for instance, is very 70’s and makes it look almost like a film from that period.
Then we jump to Australia, as I said. And one of the best martial arts action sequences I’ve seen since Jackie Chan was in his prime. In fact, this sequence in my eyes puts Tony Jaa up there as the only actor in modern Asian cinema worthy of taking Jackie Chan’s crown. Let’s be honest – Chan was a master. Now he’s sunk to using wire-work and simpler films with big budgets from American studios. Fair enough – he’s 54 for crying out loud. He’s earned the right to take it easy after the huge archive of classic films he’s created.
The scene I’m talking about takes place in a warehouse as Jaa is attacked by around 20 extreme sports enthusiasts on rollerblade, BMXs, moto-x bikes and a quad-bike. The camerawork is sublime and as there are virtually no cut scenes – it’s almost all just one, continuous take.
The thing is, this feat is partially topped later in the same feature as a fight sequence coming in around the 4-minute mark is completed with no cuts whatsoever. Just some amazing choreography, superb editing and bloody hard work from those involved. When watching it, I did think that Jaa looked dead on his feet – and rather sluggish – by the end. This is why. He’s filmed it six times, on the trot, being treated with smelling salts between each as they re-set all the breakables.
OK, he’s not broken most of the bones in his body, and you can’t see his pulse via a hole in his skull like you can with Chan. But this is the kind of work ethos that makes a man a star. He deserves is a hell of a lot more than most of those Hollywood lot.
Tom yum goong (or however it’s spelt – even Jaa’s official page has two or three variations) is no classic plotwise. Which is why I’ve not bothered going into that. OK, if you insist. Boy grows up with elephant. Bad man kidnaps elephant. Grown boy goes in search of elephant and kicks ass. Happy now? Thing is, the “plot” is just something to hang some outstanding fight sequences off. And there aree some cool elephants in it as a bonus. Oh, and a pretty cool CGI animation segment.
If you like this kind of stuff, then make sure you don’t miss this film. It really does rock. I can’t wait for Ong Bak 2 to come out. Hell, I’m crossing my fingers that the release date is when I’m in Thailand. Where better to go and watch it?
The original Get Carter with Michael Caine, that is. Not the (apparently) awful Stallone remake? Or failing that, have you lived anywhere on Tyneside in the last thirty or so years? If you can answer “yes” to either, then you’re likely aware of the god-awful eyesore that is the Gateshead multi-storey car park.
Well, the good news is that it’s finally getting pulled down this year. The local council have put special lighting on it in an attempt to make it look better in it’s final few months, but as far as I can tell it’s just a huge lump of now-colourful concrete.
I do remember as a kid that we used to park there when we went to Tesco and Shopping City. I always wondered why the stairwell on the top two floors had iron railings to stop people falling or jumping out. As if you’d be fine propelling yourself off the ledge of the other ten-or-so storeys. It’s now Tesco who’re paying for the demolition so they can build a new hypermarket there, with a cinema and so on. Gateshead needs a brush up – it has since I was a kid. If I recall, one of the problems with demolishing the car park was the number of shops underneath it which would have to be relocated. I’m wondering if that’s happened, or if Tesco’s just bought them all out.
Either way, I hope the facelift the town gets is worth all this hassle. Sometimes history has to go – because it’s too damn ugly. Now, will someone kindly start working on getting rid of the similarly monstrous concrete car park on the other side of the Tyne Bridge?
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