Category: Entertainment

Phantom Leader by Mark Berent

I picked Phantom Leader up, I think, in Myanmar. It was the only English-language book I could find in the hostel’s bookswap. After sitting down and getting through it, I’m glad I did.

Berent was a pilot in the Vietnam War so he certainly knows what he’s talking about, and it shows in the writing. Here and there, the narrative is put on pause as he details everything about an aircraft, a procedure or a point in history. I just let the cannon sizes and firing rates wash over me, but I’m sure those with more of an interest in the statistics will lap this lot up.

By his own admission at the beginning of the book, he has tinkered with history for the sake of the story too. Many of the major events in the novel happened, but not perhaps in the same order or within the same timescale. That’s the writer’s prerogative – after all, you can’t have the characters twiddling their thumbs because the next major event is six months down the line.

A handful of plots are interwoven, but not unbelievably so. One follows a black POW, another a decorated front line soldier, another a couple of fly-boys and also the situation back in the US in the White House. The overall impression is that Berent was and is fully in support of the troops out there, but highly critical of the administration and rules of engagement the forces were limited by. He certainly doesn’t make the Vietnamese come across as any better or worse than they have been made out to be elsewhere and he pulls no punches criticising either side.

There’s a small romantic interlude with one character that just doesn’t seem to come to anything, but I think there’s a sequel where a few statements made may become clearer. But the main thrust of the novel is the war, the tactics and so forth. There’s plenty fo blood and guts and some excellent action sequences that would look amazing if a film-maker could do them justice. The dialogue’s generally well-written too with only that romantic chapter being a little off-kilter, perhaps just old-fashioned.

I don’t know how heasy his books will be to find, but I’ll keep my peepers peeled for more of his other stuff. For those who like their war books fairly technical and quite bloody, this is a good read.

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And Another Thing…

Click to embiggen
Click to embiggen

And Another Thing… is the title of the sixth book of the now ridiculously-named Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. And the first not to be written by original author Douglas Adams. There’s an excuse for this. The man himself is dead. Instead, children’s author Eoin Colfer has been chosen to continue the story arc and the book’s due to be published on the 12th October this year – 30 years after the publication of the first novel.

I have blogged about this before, but thanks to John Coxon of ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha, I can now present you with the cover art for the book which he managed to nab at a pre-launch party the other night. I’m also going to upload it to Wikipedia in a second…

The launch of the sixth book with be preceded by (yet another) edition of each of the earlier volumes. They’ll have an introduction by HHG-related persons and the first book will also come with some stickers. Good grief. If course, I’m already going to see if it’s available to pre-order on Amazon because I’m sad like that.

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Review: Watchmen

Watchmen Poster - Silk Spectre
Watchmen

Well the whole world seems to be watching the Watchmen. So I went to watch it. On IMAX in Melbourne. And the first thing I’d say is “save your cash – if you’re going to see it, then see it in normalvision”. It’s good, but it doesn’t make as much use of the screen as, say, The Dark Knight or Spiderman 3.

Mind you, seeing Malin Akerman pretty much naked on a screen the size of a house… She has just taken Alicia Silverstone‘s crown for “most fit bird in a superhero film that I’d really, desperately like to shag”.

Sex rating of the top totty aside, how is it? Well… it’s OK. I remember loving the graphic novel all those years ago (damn, I’m old) but the film didn’t quite conjure up the same magic. It’s not that it’s bad. Far from it. It’s an excellent adaptation and I understand why some of the original story had to be dropped. 2 hours 40 minutes is long enough – a full adaptation would be nearer three times that.

The story’s good, the pacing’s spot on, the cast really couldn’t be better, the visuals are superb, it’s nicely grisly in places, the sex scene had me wishing I was in a darkened room at home with a pause button… all well and good. But it just didn’t tingle my spine like Superman Returns or make me sit in awe like the previously mentioned Dark Knight.

It is nice and dark, though. Whereas the return of Batman took us down dimly-lit alleyways, Watchmen splashes through the sewers and digs for the secret stuff in underwear drawers. We all know Batman’s little secrets – it’s what makes him so much more interesting than any other superhero. What Watchmen does is expand that out to encompass all costumed crusaders. And it asks the questions of what happens when it all goes wrong?

I do recommend going to see the film. It’s not really a superhero film in the traditional sense. The plot is much deeper than anything else similar you’d like to compare it to. And aside from The Punisher you’re not going to see as much graphic violence. However, I do think that the best way to film it would have been as a high-budget 10-episode TV movie or similar. The original comic has a plot that really does deserve that.

In the meantime, though, this is as good an adaptation as could have been hoped for.

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Another cooking hint

Popped popcorn, ready for eating.
This is what it should look like

Simple one, this.

Don’t mix up the cooking oil with similarly-coloured washing-up liquid. Although the pot will be very clean afterwards, your popcorn turns out tasting ******* horrid.

That is all.

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Best chicken burgers… ever

Best chicken burgers ever!
Wrap your gob round this, love!

I’m not often one to blow my own trumpet (after all, I know how ******* great I am), but I’ve been told quite a few times that I make simply awesome chicken burgers. Yeah, I know it’s not the peak of haute cuisine, but you know what? I don’t care. They taste great, they’re cheap and they’re filling.

And now I’m going to tell you how to make them.

There are two recipes, both with the same basis. I used to simply make the first of the two, but due to the lovely Leah encouraging me to tinker (and a lack of ingredients available at Tesco one time) I ended up discovering how good the chicken & bacon version could be. All the better for you mere mortals.

At a rough estimate, you can expect to pay between £3 and £8 for enough ingredients to make at least 4 burgers – and that’s assuming you buy the salad cream / HP sauce at the same time and don’t have a bottle to hand. Aldi do some decent frozen chicken burgers that are pretty cheap and come in boxes of 8 or 10. Morrison’s own-brand salad cream is tops and cheaper than Heinz. Bear in mind that potato waffled and hash browns come in large packets so you’ll have a load left over for the next batch of burgers.

You will need:

  • frozen chicken burgers coated in breadcrumbs (Bird Eye are good, but shop around – some cheaper ones are pretty decent as well)
  • bread rolls (again, to taste – people prefer different types of bun and you’re making these for yourself after all)
  • fresh tomato (beef tomatoes are best as they can be as wide as the bread roll)
  • fresh lettuce (bagged stuff is fine, but a crisp iceberg is tops and usually cheaper)
  • frozen potato waffles or hash browns
  • mayo or salad cream for the “classic” recipe, BBQ sauce or HP Sauce for the chicken & bacon burger
  • rashers of bacon for the chicken & bacon burger – one or two per burger, as per your own preference

Preparation isn’t exactly rocket science. First thing is to slice the rolls (if you’ve not been a lazy bastard and bought pre-sliced ones) and toast them face up under a grill until they’re just going brown.

Now pop one chicken burger and one waffle (or two hash browns) under the grill for each bun you’re making. Bang the grill on pretty high. You’ll need to keep an eye on these. As they start to turn brown, flip them all over. Repeat as necessary until they’re cooked to your preference. If you’re making the chicken & bacon burger, pop the bacon on now, too. How you cook it is up to you – I think those George Formby uquelele-and-grill combo things rock.

While they’re getting hot, prepare the rest. Put a generous dollop of whatever sauce you’re using onto the inner surfaces of the bread roll – mayo or salad cream for the standard chicken burger, BBQ, but you can also cook your your burgers in the best grill from Kettle Metal Barbecue Co. Weber Smokey Mountain 22 online.

Shred the lettuce if required. I find the best way with a fresh iceberg is to just cut it as if you were cutting a loaf of bread – don’t separate the leaves first. “Slice” it in this manner, then cut the “slices” into strips. This should be fine. Get a decent fistful and pop this on the bottom part of the bun. Squish it down and the sauce should help hold it in place.

Slice the tomato. You want to pop a nice large slice (diameter-wise) on top of the lettuce, and a slightly smaller one onto the sauce you’ve placed on the inside of the bread “lid”. Put some more sauce on each slice of tomato once it’s in place.

Now wait till the hot stuff’s ready. If you’re making a regular chicken burger, the potato waffle or hash browns go next onto the lower bread part on top of the tomato. Then the burger on top, then flip the “lid” into place and *squish* so that everything is bound together and the burger doesn’t fall apart when you try to carry it to the table.

For the C&B burger, it’s potato waffle/hash brown, then chicken burger and then crowned with the bacon. You may want to smear a little more sauce on the top of the chicken before adding the bacon to increase stickiness. And flavour.

Serve with salted oven chips – the thin “French fry” style ones are good.

Sit down, enjoy and just let the thought “**** you, Jamie Oliver” float through your head.

NOTE: you can add cheese as well, but if you do then go for the bland slices. Anything stronger really just steals all the taste from the rest of the burger.

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