Translating the “WAAAAHHH”s #27

Just to give you an idea of what your baby is really saying when all you think is that they’re screaming their head off for no apparent reason.

You: No, you can’t have it.

Baby: But I want it!

You: No. No. Daddy’s.

Baby: WANT!

You: OK, you can hold it. But it’s not for eating.

Baby: As if I’d listen to you.

You: There, see? No, not in the mouth!

Baby: I told you I was going to try to eat it. Don’t you listen to me? Dude, I’ll try to eat anything.

You: You can’t eat a banana with the skin still on, silly.

Baby: Who are you calling silly? I’m a baby. I don’t know any different. This thing tastes horrible, by the way. Who lets a baby stick a damn unpeeled banana in their mouth? You’re the idiot.

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Joys of Parenthood: number 73 in an ongoing series in no particular order

Trying to remove dangling, dried bogies from a baby’s nose while she sleeps is like real-life Operation. One slip of the fingers/tweezers and you risk waking her up. And believe me, that screaming is a whole lot scarier than a buzzer.