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Double whammy. On Tuesday night despite the council giving me an emergency number to call so they could whoosh round and check out the noise, he was quiet as the proverbial four-legged rodent. Typical. First quiet Tuesday in 3 weeks.

Then, to add insult to injury they came round with the equipment to record last night and it was faulty. So it’s had to go back. Due to other bookings it’ll be after new year before I can borrow it again.

ARSE!

Mind, with any luck he’ll **** off to his parents’ or something for a while over xmas, and she’s due to drop her sprog on the 25th. Maybe that’ll stop him ramping the volume up. Of course, it may make him shove it up higher to drown out the poor kid’s screaming when he’s too pissed or lazy to get up and change it’s shitty nappy.

And I’m knackered. I need to sleep at my desk. Anyone know any meditation techniques whereby I can feign awakeness yet get another 3-4 hours’ sleep?

…for the lack of post. I was working overtime this evening till gone midnight so didn’t have the time to do any blog stuff. I’ll try and get something up for Wednesday night.

Yup. He’s at it again. Just gone 7pm and one of his mates came round in the stupidest little chavmobile ever. I think it’s a Micra or something with blue lights on the bottom and a stereo the size of a grand piano in the boot.

The noise from the house was ludicrous. The bass and volume so high the sound was distorted. Obviously done to wind me up.

So I did as I was told the other weekend and rang 999, requesting police attendance due to prior threats of violence.

At 8pm, his mate left and it’s been silent ever since.

No police had arrived so I rang them back and told them not to bother. I’d look a bit of a prat if they turned up and the stereo was silent. I can also guarantee that he’d take it as an excuse to ramp it up again once they’d gone just to piss me off.

Back to square ******* one.

The council have been in touch and offered some calibrated recording equipment to monitor the noise. Now, they may be able to get it in the next week or two (dependant on another cancellation – seems the only have one set of kit), then it’s xmas and new year and they’re loathe to put it in then. Erm. In case he has a party? Isn’t that the whole point?

Sadly, there’s one downside to this – due to the Human Rights laws, as they’re technically going to be recording him, they have to let him know the equipment’s there and for how long. Which means he’ll be quiet as **** fro a week and then will just ramp it back up again straight away afterwards to “teach me a lesson”. It’s a no-brainer.

I am so ****** off, words can’t express it. And you wonder why people resort to violence. I thought the law was supposed to help people like me?

More handy household hints

When licking the yoghurt off the inside of the foil lid, take care not to slice your tongue open on the sharp edge. If you happen to do so and have a huge, bleeding flap of skin in your mouth, don’t follow the yoghurt up with a packet of salt and vinegar crisps.

Seriously, people. It ******* knacks.

More money-making xmas hints

Tis the season to be jolly. Fa la lalala lala la laaa. Time for making lots of lolly. Fa lala etc. Especially off gullible people. And here’s another brainstorm – Festive Glittery Poo(tm)!

Each lump of Festive Glittery Poo(tm) glimmers in the light and brightens up your toilet pan! See your visitors leave the smallest room with a smile on their face once they divulge themselves of the three extra servings of badly undercooked turkey you foisted on them!

Available on eBay once I’ve bought half a hundredweight of glitter and a 25 large boxes of All Bran. I just hope it doesn’t scratch my arse to bits on the way out.

Someone deserves a post of their own tonight, and that person is JanetyJanet who managed to get a smile (and almost a tear in the eye) of this upset and downbeaten person of the last week.

Janet – THANK YOU. You didn’t have to, shouldn’t have and all that bollocks. But you did and for that I’m incredibly grateful!

*gives JJ a big squooshy hug while he hopes nobody is looking*

And I owe your a pint or three!

Hopefully back to my acerbic and bitter (i.e. more normal) self tomorrow.