Cocks and balls

Cocks

I’ve exchanged some mails with a friend on Oz recently, and they are also having worries about fuel prices. It seems there’s on regulation or competition rules so essentially, garages charge what the **** they want regardless of what oil costs.

We have similar though not by such a margin. Every time the price of oil goes up, so does our fuel. Only when the oil drops, the fuel never does!

They’ve just announced fuel blockades again, which means ‘n‘ length of time with stupid queues at the few fuel stations that manage to get any fuel. They’re blockading the fuel depots to stop supplies getting out for “as long as it takes for fuel prices ot drop”.

Our current taxation is 66.5% on fuel, plus 17.5% VAT. Essentially, for every UK1.00 you spend on fuel, the government gets over 80p, the supplier about 16p and the shop that sells it 4p.

The issue is that because fuel duty is a percentage, the govt. can lower prices by reducing the percentage which is a fair point. However the rise in fuel prices is attributable to the fuel supplier. And given that they’re all multi-billion pound businesses, they don’t give a flying fig about sales dropping for a week or three.

The only people affected by the last fuel blockades a couple of years ago were customers. A large number of “one-man” garages closed as they couldn’t sustain the loss. Delivery companies, van hire (I lost a deposit on a van the last time as I couldn’t fuel it)… anything involving driving around suffered huge losses.

If I find any blockader bragging about what he’s doing in a pub, I’ll glass the ******* cock.

Balls

First a rant – the referee on Saturday was ******* ****. I know I go on about them often enough, but Alan Wylie took the piss as far as ineptitude was concerned. Anyone watching MotD will be aware of his glaringly stupid decision to pull play back and give us a free kick for no reason, when playing on would have put it in the best attacking position we managed all game. Well, the whole 90 minutes were filled with such examples. He was, frankly, a disgrace.

The nearside linesman was also bloody useless, flagging one of our players offside despite Zat Knight being 3 yards closer to the goal. The only reason I can find for this, is that the linesman mistook him for a wandering basketball player who’d found his way onto the pitch by accident and therefore didn’t count as part of the back four. Anyone know how tall Mr Knight is? I’d guess about 10’44”. Ish.

Second a nicer story. Kieron Dyer has had some shitty press the last few years (yob, bling-merchant, uncontrollable, driving Porsche’s into bridges and the like), but I heard a very different tale last week. Now, whether this nice stuff is never reported, whether he’s turned over a new leaf or whether this was a one-off I don’t know. What I can say is that it is utterly true.

Some work colleagues of a friend of mine took their son to a Japanese restaurant in Newcastle as a celebration a couple of weeks ago. He’d passed all 10 GCSEs with good grades. During the meal, Kieron Dyer and some friends came in and sat down to eat. One of the ladies with the kids approached him after a while and very politely asked if he would be kind enough to say something to the lads at the dinner table if he had the time.

Kieron couldn’t have been nicer. After his meal, he spent a good 30 minutes with the kid and his friends. He posed for photos, answered questions, joked with them – the ideal ambassador. After a final shake of hands, he and his friends departed.

The two ladies then started arguing over the bill (which was about £60). Who’d had what, how to split it and so forth. They finally sorted the argument out, only to find that Dyer had paid for it on his way out.

Now… how come stories like that never make it into the papers?

Fucknuts

I took my bike in for a service at Halfords just before I went on holiday. I’ve been running it in for the last 3 months and they do a freebie service to tighten up bits that have loosened and so on.

Part of the adjustment needed was the saddle height, as it kept slipping down till I ended up crouched in the seat. All sorted when I got it back. Magic.

Thing is, it was chucking it down when I got home, so I decided to shift the car under the passageway leading to our rear parking area so I could unhook the bike and car rack in the comparitive dryness.

*crunch*

Arse.

As the saddle was now about 3″ higher than it used to be, it smacked off the roof and now has a whacking gash in the back of it and the surface looks like it’s been given a good going over with a cheese grater.

Mind, that’ll teach it to numb my bollocks.

Pros and cons

I got a letter while I was away and it seems that the Me First & the Gimme Gimmes gig I was going to has been cancelled. I’d whinge, but seeing as it’s due to sever illness on part of the mother of one of the band members, it’d not be too fair. They’ll be back, I’m sure.

In the meantime, it saves me money. Partly on the ticket, partly beer and partly hotel as I’d be staying the night for the Hayseed Dixie gig the next evening. Also, it gives me another day to get coursework finished (or to stare at it and panic).

The aforementioned coursework is still affecting my blogging time (not to mention other things). Tonight I’m heading over to see a friend who’s good at maths, as she’s said she can do my… er… help with my final assignment. Is there anyone out there who fancies writing a 3000-word report on VPNs? Nah, didn’t think so.

I just found out that my old work have finally (after over 2 years) installed a VPN linking them to the Polish office. Only the guy who got it going and the Poles know about it. The Technical Director hasn’t been told, otherwise he’d a) throw a hissy fit that he didn’t get to install it, and b) tinker with it when nobody was looking and **** it up completely.

He reminds me of a lecturer I had at university who was ******* clueless. The guy was meant to be teaching us about hardware, and the students knew more than him. Mainly as he was working off notes that were about 4 years out of date, and otherwise out of sheer laziness and ignorance.

I recall one lecture about memory where he quoted some rough prices. Everyone looked at each other until one brave soul put their hand up and said that you could buy memory a lot cheaper than he quoted.

“I’ll believe that when I see it”, he snorted.

So we did, with about 25 different adverts in the current month’s PC Pro.

The handout we got was also unbelievable, including (from memory):

Modern memory often comes in SIMMs (I think this means Standard Integrated Memory Module)

“I think this means…”? In lecture notes? From the lecturer? And he was wrong (it’s “Single In-line…”). It’s with memories like that I’m glad I’m now studying with the Open University. I think we farmed him off to York uni or something. I also recall he looked like Hagrid and used a “utility belt”, essentially a clarty length of rope with tools on string hanging off it.

dcsun4/chris, old fellas – can you recall this man? I can’t remember his name.

I is home

I is also pooped, having been up since 4:30am. I also have a new housemate who has brought a cat with her… I don’t know if this was a wise move. I’m hoping they settle, but if one cat goes it’s not going to be KK!

Well, I’m so tired I can’t even be bothered getting around to procrastinating. So here’s something I rattled off months ago:

I was just filling up my sugar bowl at home when I spotted the “nutritional information” panel on the side of the sugar bag. OK, so there’s no ingredients list (I assume it’d consist of “Ingredients: Sugar”) but it still breaks it down, thus:

Per 100g – 99.9g carbohydrates, 0g fat, 0g protein

Alrighty then. So what’s the other 0.1g? Fertilizer? Agent Orange? Careless sugar-cane worker?

We should be told!

I am a slacker

…or not. Holiday extended by a day due to **** hitting fan in Newcastle. Things to sort, work to do and not enough time after the break in foreign climes to get it all done. Work have been incredibly understanding and extended my leave at very short notice to accomodate this.

As such, I’m still in Newcastle and will be here till about 5am on Wednesday morning when I head to the office for the day. Then home to help someone move into my spare room. This entails shifting about a dozen boxes full of ZZ9 merchandise. Thing is, I’ve got nowhere to move them to. Add to that the fun involved in another cat moving in as well… KK is not happy by all accounts.

Oh dear.

The weekend, however, has been fantastic. Just a break, and a much-needed one after the last few weeks covering for Allen on his jollies. Seen my cousin, as mentioned, my grannies and my folks. As usual, I’ve ended up coming home with a tonload of crap that I didn’t take up with me. Mind, I can’t complain when my dad gets Bosch kit at cost price courtesy of work. One new 100+ piece drill set that’ll go through reinforced concrete and a lawnmower on the way. Smart.

Reet. It’s sodding late and I need some kip. Catch you on the flip side. Nighty night.