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Don’t weeks fly when you’ve got a bank holiday? I’m currently on holiday so the posts will be a bit on the short side until I get back around Tuesday. I probably mentioned that yesterday, but I’m enjoying the time off and want to rub it in.

The only annoying thing is I’ve trailed all the way to Glasgow to see my little cousin, and got here so late I’ve only seen her for half an hour before her bedtime. Gah. And she’ll likely be off to nursery dead early tomorrow before I leave and go to see my grannies. Bah.

Ah well. She likes the prezzie I bought her and she’s cute as the proverbial. Well worth the trip 🙂

And I’m being rude sat here with my uncle nattering while I check my work email via GRPS / bluetooth. Which I regard as cool. And you regard as utterly geeky.

First of all, I’m not wanting to trivialise the hurricane that hit the American south today. It’s an awful thing to have happened and, stupid though it may have been, I can kind of sympathise with those who stayed to try and protect their property – and perhaps lost their lives doing so.

However.

A headline on Fox News calls it “Our Tsunami”. No it ******* wasn’t. It was nowhere near the scale of the Boxing Day tsunami. It may have seemed like it to the unfortunate few (yes – “few”) who suffered, but it’s nothing compared to the tens of thousands who died last year.

Tens. Of. Thousands. Compared to dozens. It’s like saying that dropping a saucepan on your foot was “our house’s meteoric earth-destroying strike”.

Point 2 – and the fuckwit my headline is aimed at. That arsehole puppet in “charge” of the country. What a complete, self-obsessed, attention-seeking ****. Did anyone hear his entire speech? I’m trying to track a copy down on the net but I’m not having much luck. They all stop where he should have, that is around about where he’s telling people to get in touch with the Red Cross, Sally Army and other charities.

The thing is, he then went on to blather about how the US’s own troops can’t really do **** all to help, because some power-hungry douche-bag has sent them all overseas to continue the “war on terror”.

Sorry, George. This made your speech sound like one of two things:

1) An apology for bollocksing everything up by shipping all the soldiers who would have helped off to Iraq to get used as underage cannon fodder

2) A propaganda statement, that it’s all the terrorist’s fault because if they weren’t such bad people then step 1 above wouldn’t be necessary.

Instead, you come across as the stupid, pathetic, single-minded little **** that we all know you are. Well ******* done. Now go get daddy’s big ******* cheque book and send a suitable donation – a few tens of millions will do – to the aforementioned charities. And don’t you ******* dare try to cream any off as tax.

One long weekend, then I’m at work for 2 days, and then I’m off for the next 3 working days. Wicked. After covering for Allen for the entire of August while him and his wife swanned around Oz, NZ and Vegas I thought I deserved a break. So I’m taking one.

As such, and with coursework deadlines also looming, posting may be sporadic over the next week or so. I may not even post all that **** from the archives I’ve been forcing on you recently. Don’t cry – this should be a relief.

I have also got a shitload of stuff to sort/move in the house as I’ve just been nominated / pressganged into being the Merchandise Office for ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha, the official Douglas Adams fan club. As such, I now have about 4 binbags and 10 cardboard boxes full of all sorts of weird **** clogging up my spare room.

I can’t believe I’m 31 and a member of the committee of an SF fan club. How ******* sad? Oh, and it’s definitely “SF” and not “sci fi” apparently. Unless you’re in Ireland, where cries of “I love SF” will either result in being given a pint of Guinness or being kneecapped, depending on which half of the country you’re in. Apparently one is preferable to the other but I’m ****** if I can figure out which it is. Guinness, after all, is like bland road tar.

And if you didn’t understand that, go here. I’m too ******* tired to explain it to you ***** right now. Even you ******* at Stansted.

Oh, there may be swearing in this post.

Bollocks.

Thanks to Anni for forwarding this on:

Following the events in London in recent weeks, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”.

The only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate”. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military.

Updates from around Europe. The Italians have increased their alert level from “shouting excitedly” to “elaborate military posturing”. Two more levels remain
“ineffective combat operations” and “change sides”.

The Germans have also increased their alert state from “disdainful arrogance” to “full dress-uniform and marching songs”. They have two higher levels “invade a neighbour” and “lose”.

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from “isolationism” to “find somewhere ripe for regime change”. Their remaining higher alert states are “take on the world” and “ask the British for help”.

Finally here in GB we’ve gone from “pretend nothing’s happening” to “make another cup of tea”. Our higher levels are “chin-up and remain cheerful” and “win”.

Coursework deadlines folks. This one’s courtesy of Caz – credit where it’s due. I’ll let her tell it in her own words:

I don’t know if I told you about the funny thing the dumbass admin assistant did, but I’m sure I’ve mentioned her. She’s basically a stereotypical dumb blond with big boobs. Anyway she’s trying to make it as some kind of model, by “some kind” I mean one that’s a little on the kinky side.
She’s done a photo shoot for a website (I don’t know the address before you ask) and obviously wanted to print some photos out in colour which she thought she’d do at work. She sent the photos to print and to collect them from the printer only being the dumb blonde she is she sent them to the wrong printer. Needless to say someone got to the correct printer before she did and picked them up, then he went round loads of people asking if they were anyone’s printouts until one of the managers realised it was her.
She then ran out of the office and didn’t come back in for about 30 minutes. Oh, the hilarity. But you know the worst bit? I was on a course and missed the entire event. I hate the cow – it would have been so much fun to see. Damn!!

Can I have her phone number? And/or the web address if you can find it out? I’d like to turn up at you work and introduce myself with “I saw your website. I love you. We are going to be sooooo happy together”.

I’ve always wanted a restraining order.