Royal Mail. Ticketmaster. Fucktards.

Several months ago I ordered a few tickets to go and see Fear Factory in January. The dates were shifted to April, so I couldn’t go due to disappearing off round the world. The friends I was going with said they could get someone else to use my ticket, so I tried to get in touch with Ticketmaster to have my tickets sent to them instead, what with me not actually having a house and all.

The only way they’d do it was to be sent a fax including a copy of a credit card statement for the card used to buy the tickets with the new address on. For ****’s sake. Let’s give a not completely unrealistic hypothesis: you buy tickets 4 months in advance for a gig, the tickets won’t be shipped till 2 weeks beforehand, you move house and you cancel the card you bought the tickets on. You’re ******.

Anyway, I rang my credit card company and changed my address to my mates’. This makes no odds to me as I pay off the full balance by direct debit anyway. After a week or two, a statement comes through. I pick it up and do the paperwork. Sorted.

Or so you think.

I just got an email from Mel. She missed the postie by 5 mins and now has one of those nice “we waited till we saw you leave the house then shoved this card through your door in lieu of the stuff you actually wanted” cards. On ringing the number on the back, they’ve refused to rearrange a redelivery unless I call them.

Now, hang on. She’s asking for a redelivery to the same house they’re addressed to. Now, if her husband rings them up and asks them to do it, they likely will. Because, having a slightly deeper voice, he can just say he’s me. Likewise, if Mel wants to go and pick them up then “I” have to sign the card to say I’m sending someone else to collect them. Of course, the Mail don’t have a copy of my signature to compare to, so again she can just forge it and go and get the bloody things.

Once again, I am aghast at how utterly stupid and petty the Royal Mail are. Dumbstruck. They really take the phrase “we are utter and complete ******* ***** and will do our best to only get worse” to heart. I think I may suggest it to them as their new company mission statement. At least they’ll be onto a winner with that one.

Bank robbers really are unimaginative

Quite an impressive haul – up to £50million. Almost enough to buy 4 Premiership footballers. Or 1 Premiership footballer if you’re Chelsea and their agent sees you coming.

However, am I the only one who’s noticed a surprising similarity between this one and the one allegedly performed by the IRA last year? Kidnap the guy who runs the operation and hold a gun to his and his family’s collective heads?

I may have my details wrong, in fairness – I’ve not had a net connection to be able to check the history – but in essence it seems like a very similar tactic.

As I drove up to Glasgow, I heard they’d arrested two people already. I guess all you’ve got to do is wait for someone on income support to walk into a shop and try to buy a Maseratti with a huge case full of used fivers.

Chaos and sadness

Pippa 1994-2006
Pippa 1994-2006

What a night. First of all trying to get everything furniture-wise moved from my house to Kim’s, and then to empty the loft and fill the van up… with Chris getting progressively iller as the evening wore on.

More on that on the Tour Blog”. A big, huge public THANKS to Chris, though. Despite feeling like he was going to upchuck the rather delicious burgers I cooked him, he battled on and remained un-chundered.

Oh, and I could do with a smidgen of that loft space you mentioned!

On a sadder note, my mum rang this evening to tell me her dog has been put down. A couple of you will have met Pippa and she was a very fine little hound, indeed.

As I’m heading up to see them on Friday, I’m gutted that I won’t get to see her running around like a loon and snuffling at my feet again. Instead, we’ll be burying her in the garden.

My mum’s heartbroken, and in honesty so am I. RIP Pippa, 1994 – 2006.

Barclays = *****

And people keep trying to get me to shift from TSB… Well, Barclays are definitely not one I’ll be going to. OK, so I’ve only signed up to rip some money out of them (have two grand in the bank after the first two months and they give you £100 which you can then take and deposit back in your real account), but it’s no excusing the **** service I’ve had so far.

First off, I got all the bumph in the mail. Cheque book, welcome letters, offers of loans, applications for credit cards. The usual ****. In amongst it was a letter telling me to expect my debit card and PIN within 7 days. 14 days later and no sign of either. Worrying. OK, so there was no money in the account, but they’re the two things you really don’t want someone to have.

So I gave them a call, and a nice polite young girl (sat in India, naturally) told me I wasn’t getting a debit card and one had never been applied to my account. Well, OK, she didn’t tell me. The person three forwarded calls along told me. I was advised to pop into the branch where I applied (I applied online) to sort it.

*sigh*

Well, no problem. I have no intention of doign anything other than transferring the cash electronically back to TSB anyway.

Next, I set up internet banking which was OK apart from the usual bollocks of getting another immemorable “membership number”, another passcode, another set of passwords and memorable phrases… All of which I promptly forgot once I’d set it all up and locked myself out of the system.

Whoops.

So I called their online helpline. After 2 minutes of selecting options on the phone menu, none of which was really relevant, until I got a recorded announcement telling me to call back between their opening hours of 7am and 11pm.

It was 10:55pm. By my reckoning, that falls between those hours.

I called this morning at 8:55. When their systems were updating, as they do every morning apparently, and told to ring back in half an hour. It’s a really good job I don’t have anything actually urgent to do or I’d be ******.

So. Barclays = *****. Simple as. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

Giggle and ARGH!

We have issues

We got a “workaround” document sent round last week. Basically, it’s a list of known issues with the software, many of which are rather tedious and dull, but this one happened to be near the top. The solution is so simple and elegant:

Problem: When adding free format if you use spell check it loses all your info

Workaround: don’t spell check any free format endorsements

So in essence, it’s not working to so don’t use it and stop your complaining.

Moments of panic

I had a phone call this morning from the estate agent saying they were going to show someone round the house this afternoon. All good news – the first interested party!

Then my brain goes all householdy. Is it tidy? I’ve been working on the front door so there are paint chips from where I sanded it down that I’ve not vacuumed yet. And the kitchen floor has cat food on it. And that stain won’t come out of the carpet and I’ve not put anything over it.

And… ****… Have I left any porn lying around?

*gibber*