Message for women

Look, I’m getting sick of this. Almost every time I go to the loo in someone else’s house I have to lift the damn seat for a slash. Women always seem to leave the bloody thing down.

Please, it’s simple and easy enough. When you’re finished on the toilet, just lift the seat back up. You’re all so ******* lazy.

Next time, I piss on it.

Lesson ends.

(I am now off to see Hayseed Dixie. Again.)

Busy week

Well, Thursday night and the week’s flown by. Tons of overtime (kerching) and sold a shedload on eBay (mucho kerching). No idea what’s happened with the prick next door. Hard to tell if he’s working or not, if the noises are his mrs doing the cleaning or ******* his mate. Either way, no odds as it’s not loud enough even if I did get a recording. Dammit.

I do have some posts lined up and hopefully will have more time next week to get through them all. Work’s do tomorrow night (free beer), in Newcastle on Saturday night (beer), seeing a mate I’ve not caught up with in a year on Sunday (hangover breakfast)… and Hayseed Dixie again on Monday!

Have a good weekend, you *******.

Argh! No noise! And… No equipment!

Double whammy. On Tuesday night despite the council giving me an emergency number to call so they could whoosh round and check out the noise, he was quiet as the proverbial four-legged rodent. Typical. First quiet Tuesday in 3 weeks.

Then, to add insult to injury they came round with the equipment to record last night and it was faulty. So it’s had to go back. Due to other bookings it’ll be after new year before I can borrow it again.

ARSE!

Mind, with any luck he’ll **** off to his parents’ or something for a while over xmas, and she’s due to drop her sprog on the 25th. Maybe that’ll stop him ramping the volume up. Of course, it may make him shove it up higher to drown out the poor kid’s screaming when he’s too pissed or lazy to get up and change it’s shitty nappy.

And I’m knackered. I need to sleep at my desk. Anyone know any meditation techniques whereby I can feign awakeness yet get another 3-4 hours’ sleep?

So close to breaking the law

Yup. He’s at it again. Just gone 7pm and one of his mates came round in the stupidest little chavmobile ever. I think it’s a Micra or something with blue lights on the bottom and a stereo the size of a grand piano in the boot.

The noise from the house was ludicrous. The bass and volume so high the sound was distorted. Obviously done to wind me up.

So I did as I was told the other weekend and rang 999, requesting police attendance due to prior threats of violence.

At 8pm, his mate left and it’s been silent ever since.

No police had arrived so I rang them back and told them not to bother. I’d look a bit of a prat if they turned up and the stereo was silent. I can also guarantee that he’d take it as an excuse to ramp it up again once they’d gone just to piss me off.

Back to square ******* one.

The council have been in touch and offered some calibrated recording equipment to monitor the noise. Now, they may be able to get it in the next week or two (dependant on another cancellation – seems the only have one set of kit), then it’s xmas and new year and they’re loathe to put it in then. Erm. In case he has a party? Isn’t that the whole point?

Sadly, there’s one downside to this – due to the Human Rights laws, as they’re technically going to be recording him, they have to let him know the equipment’s there and for how long. Which means he’ll be quiet as **** fro a week and then will just ramp it back up again straight away afterwards to “teach me a lesson”. It’s a no-brainer.

I am so ****** off, words can’t express it. And you wonder why people resort to violence. I thought the law was supposed to help people like me?