You could trust me as well, David

David Beckham has announced that he’d trust three of this friends with his wife, even if she was naked. Just for the record, he could trust me as well.

Is it my respect for him as a certified actor? No. See his stilted turn in Goal! and wonder why the rain forests are vanishing when we have such a vast quantity of wood so readily available.

Perhaps it’s the fact that he has captained my national squad to footballing glory? Well, no. We’ve not won shit for years and the best thing he’s done for England recently was to retire. The worst thing (bar getting sent off 9 years ago) was to cmoe back out of retirement.

Actually, it’s simple. His wife’s a minger. I’d not touch her with someone else’s. If I saw her naked, I’d likely vomit only to be interrogated as to how I managed it without sticking my fingers down my through like the bulimic wench herself likely still does. The only reason for any contact between her and myself would be so I could hold her down and force some fucking food down her throat.

Incidentally, I have it on very good authority that she’s as bossy, annoying, selfish, ignorant and stupid as I always believed. Thing is, I can’t relay the story as it would get someone I know into (professional) trouble for passing it on.

6 thoughts on “You could trust me as well, David”

  1. Bit harsh – Posh is plastic but Beckham had to come back from retirement to show the current young dross how to play ‘passionately’ for Engerlund.

    Ok, he’s past his best but you can’t deny that he tries his best, unlike some of the primadonnas who do it for club but not country (and I’d even include my beloved Stevie G in that bracket at times…)

  2. I completely agree – Becks is without a doubt one of the hardest-working (if not *the* hardest working) player on the pitch. The problem is he’s *way* past his best to the point of being a liability.

    I would have wholeheartedly welcomed him training with the team, but not being on the squad. Our football was positively continental during the World Cup. Getting close to the box then falling over so Beckham could attempt another free kick.

    Check his record. Without looking at the exact numbers, he had something like a dozen shots from free kicks and scored one if memory serves. Surely we’d have been better actually trying for goals from open play?

  3. Agree, but we do need to sort out the midfield so that our strikers do have a go at going for goal. Hope Fabio sorts out the Gerrard/Fat Frank dilemma….

  4. I’m very much of the school of thought that there’s too much to be sorted than one manager can have a hope at. The problem we have is a lack of players of decent talent to fill those positions while still having a *team*. This is where Ericsson fell down – great individual players, cack-awful team.

    What we need is to punt the foreigners out of the game. Seriously. Have a cap of 3-4 maximum per team. That way we’re forced to concentrate on bringing talented youngsters through the ranks. Nowadays a standout English player is a rarity and a treasure.

    With money focussed on grass roots, schools and so on not only would be end up with a decent squad in 20-30 years (yes, I know… long term) but we’d also reduce the number of unhealthy, stay-at-home, fat kids we’re getting lumbered with these days. Everyone wins.

    Of course, it won’t happen as the rich bastards in charge of the game can only look as far as next year’s turnover…

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