I know some of these will earn me a slating, especially as some are rated as “classics”. The thing is, who rates them? It seems to be film councils full of old-timers, or art critics who’ll say that anything done all “fancy-like” is better than 90 minutes of aliens getting shot full of holes, or buildings being blown up. So what do they know?
If someone has to explain to me why a film is good, then it isn’t. Film is primarily there to entertain me. If I don’t “get” it, then it’s failed to do its job.
Feel free to disagree, as long as you say why. Despite what some people have been harping about recently, I do realise that other people have opinions. While I am satisfied that I’m right, and you’re wrong, it’s nice to know there’s someone out there I’m pissing off.
So here we go:
Clerks – Chris’ll hate me for this one, but it is rubbish. After hearing/reading every film critic going splatter his gunk over how fantastic and spoogeworthy this is, I finally saw it. I think I fell asleep after about 15 minutes. It’s a huge collection of inane rambling and in-jokes that only people who have a strange fascination for Kevin Smith will find remotely interesting. Just in case that doesn’t get me crucified, I thought Mallrats was much better. How he got a career off the back of this, I will never fathom. You want to see a first movie? Get a copy of Bad Taste. From there to Lord of the Rings. That is a director.
Trainspotting – yes, it had its moments. Begby is outstanding as a character and it launched precisely one major movie career (and a TV one). Still, Shallow Grave is a better story and doesn’t need subtitles for anyone who’s not got Scottish relatives (which I do, by the way).
The Godfather – dull, dull, dull. You want gangsters, get Goodfellas. Marlon Brando also ranks as one of the most over-rated actors of all time as well. He also features in…
Apocalypse Now – what a collosal mess. Slow, drawn out and obviously one person’s art-riddled dream come true.
Withnail & I – who on earth classed this as a comedy? It’s less funny than The Office and that takes some doing. Complete toss. I paid money for this on video (when videos were expensive) as some film magazine rated it as the best comedy film of all time. It’s not a comedy because it’s not funny!
This is Spinal Tap – One I really thought I’d like, but for some reason I don’t. You read little snippets of script, hear out-takes and it seems hilarious. But watching it in real life is a totally different experience.
Get Carter (original) – crap fake Geordie accents, slow story, wooden acting. The only thing going for it is the scenery – and that’s only because I can play “I know where that is”.
Das Boot – how boring can one film be? Stupidly long (and extended for the TV series), and utterly, utterly yawnsome.
There are more. This will be added to. I will annoy more people.
‘Shhh’ am trying to be angelic!
*is sweet and innocent*
After Hours: “Sidesplittingly funny” said a colleague, so I rented it. No, it wasn’t.
Coming from a man who rates The Butterfly Effect (slated by all the critics fact fans), I don’t know why I’d be surprised that the lo-tech reality/surreal collision of Clerks has passed you by.
Withnail & I is extremely dull. It’s for people who think that watching actors pretending to be phished is dead funny.
Get Carter is NOT woodden. It’s extremely brutal film-making, especially for the 1960s and early 1970s. I think it still works very well today – and that’s mostly because of the performances. And the shock ending.
Your cinema licence is hereby revoked.
Crap, just read my last comment. Perhaps I should proof read before I hit the OK button.
I ‘watch’ chick flicks
I don’t think she meant that kind of chick flick…
I must admit I thought Trainspotting was crap. I was one of those films that was ‘cool’ to like, and if ou know anything about me, that is enough for me to hate the film. Can’t stant people jumping on bandwagons like that.
Also Apocalypse Now: Here, Here. I saw it a long time ago on the advice of a friend. Can’t remember who, perhaps I shot him for making me wathc that dull, dull, dull, slow, slow….ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ (get the point.
Can’t say I’ve seen the rest but another dull boaring slow one was the remake of ‘The Thin Red Line’. The ending was about half way through, and I’m not sure what the other half was doing there. It was the only film I have ever considered walking out of. The only thing that made me stay was the fact that I was a student and I couldn’t afford to waste money walking out of films.
I watch ‘chick flicks’ too (but just to look at the chicks, ok?)….
Ok, I’ve seen one of the films… Trainspotting, and although I could understand it, and liked it at the time, not sure I would be able to watch it any more… never realised how true to the mark it was regarding H
As for Clerks, I switched it off after about 20 minutes as I was bored!
But then again I was chick flicks and enjoy them, so who am I to comment?
The prices they charge for cinema tickets, I’m not too worried, Andy! It’s almost cheaper waiting for DVD!
I agree wholeheartedly about Withnail & I. It’s a one-joke film and the joke isn’t funny. Or I don’t get it. Mind, I was creased with laughter watching Guest House Paradiso (twice), though I was drunk both times. I think that helps.
Get Carter I ended up watching in about 4 or 5 stages as I just couldn’t get wrapped up in it. OK, it may have been brutal for when it was made but it’s certainly not any more. Maybe I’m jaded by more modern fare. I did find the acting wooden, and the accents really didn’t help. Some kind of faux Geordie/Scots/Yorkshire mix. If you want accents done properly, hire actors from the right place!
Who are you and where’s the real Sharon?
Withnail & I is magnificent, it’s not a laugh out loud comedy but it has its moments, ‘we’ve come on holiday by mistake’ ‘get in the back of the van’. It’s brilliant. Ah well.
Won’t flame you much for that comment Iain. Clerks is an aquired taste and no way am I suggesting it is the best film ever. I do think there are funny parts though.
I do agree it was over hyped, and not for the story. I think the hype came from the fact that he took a gamble with $28,000 of credit card debt and pulled it off. Indie filmmaker wins type thing.
It will never be anything more than a cult film, and while there are Keving Smith fans out there that will say it’s the best film ever and won’t give a debate on the subject the time of day, even Kevin Smith himself agrees it has been over hyped.