Most of you in the UK will likely have noticed that it’s finally starting to act like winter, and we’re getting very cold, frosty mornings around now. Sod’s Law, of course, for my neighbour who just bought one of those “car condom” things to save the tedious de-icing every morning. The first day after she got it and the temperatures have risen just enough so that she didn’t need it today.

Going back a few years, I used to work with a guy called Mark who grew up in Australia. He was still a really nice guy despite that, actually. He made the bizarre choice to emigrate over here and his family followed some years later, amongst them his younger sister.

Her first winter came as a shock. Due to where they’d lived, she’d never seen snow or frost before, outside of the TV. This bizarre thin film of ice all over her car windows and in the locks. Mark recalled that the following few seconds were like watching slow motion.

He was stood by the car waiting for her to come out with some de-icer or something… and she came out with a kettle full of water. Hot water. Boiling to be precise. Before he could stop her, she flung the contents over the windscreen as he screamed “NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO” and lunged forward.

Water his windscreen. Windscreen went “what the ****?!” and made a weird crunching noise. Then caved completely into the interior of the car as the glass shattered.

In fairness, they had very clear visibility from the driver’s seat.

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Jay – you lucky bastard. The closest I had to that was when I was carjacked last year (new year’s day as well). Basically, it resulted in £300 in garage storage fees, transporting costs and so on which I had to pay on my credit card. Resulting in 300 bonus points with which I treated myself to a CD. Also, as the insurance company insisted that the locks were changed, it meant 2 days with a really shitty Ford Ka as a courtesymobile. A car so awfully unstable I refused to drive it to the office. 2 days off.

Oh, yes. The advantages of a company car. The 300 nicker I claimed back as expenses, too.

I need a sticker for the back of my car: “Company car, fully insured. Tailgate me all you like you BMW-driving **** – if I brake, you’re the one who’s ******”


Tempted – Yes, but never got the chance. Another great story about that car..
I accidentallyran into the back of somebody, and was only insured 3rd party – So although I was covered for the other persons damage, I had to pay for the crumple to the front end of my car. – “Can’t afford much mate”, I said to the garage – “It’s not a valuable car, so please just bang the bonnet back into shape so that it’ll open and close, don’t worry about the bumper and the grill, that’s all just cosmetic anyway.” – So I left it with them. 2 Days later, I got a phonecall – “Ahh, Mr Jayster, we have a problem. We had a break in last night, and I’m afraid your car was damaged…… Beyond repair in fact…It’s a Write-off!”. Buggars had smashed all the windows, dented most of the undented panels, and ripped out the dash, in order to get out the faulty cassette player. (Then they left a better one under the seat as they left.) – But the best bit was to follow. As a result, the garage were able to claim on their insurance, and I was able to buy another Jaystermobile…… Wheeee – Result!

PS – I’ve taken your advice and linked to things I’m selling on E-bay. I like the look of the ghostbusters game – (But I’m not allowed to buy any more toys at the moment!)


*resists urge to say the same about Dawn*



‘specially icey road.. when your mum takes you to school and one mintues shes up, next laid flat on her back legs in air………

Ok maybe that was her normal way but not in public lol


I’ll just type what I was doing just after reading that..


I love winter, it’s fun.


Dude – that was funny! I’ve seen cars with missing windscreens at the side of the road before. Didn’t you get tempted to just cut the roof off and make it into a convertible?


That reminds me of a time when a lorry in front of me flicked up a small stone, for some reason it didn’t hit my windscreen, but landed on the bonnet, then kinda wiggled about a bit – THEN flicked up and hit the window, just as I was about to pull over. Of course the stone made a tiny crack, which rapidly became a big crack, then the whole window went bang, and became a myriad of tiny gem-stones. I got out, pushed the glass out and continued on my way with no windscreen. At the time, it was winter, and I was flat broke – couldn’t afford a new windscreen, and at the time, my insurance didn’t cover windscreens. I spent about a week and a half driving around with a big woolly hat, scarf and flying goggles, until payday came. Every now and then I’d forget and accidentally hit the wiper switch, which flailed into he car in an attempt to skewer me.

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