Chav scum

In addition to the **** next door and his chain-smoking, beer-swilling, beaten-up-regularly 8-month-pregnant girlfriend…

I saw the most stereotypical chav family in Morrisons on Saturday. Horrible they were. Evil, even. Admittedly quite old for chavs, mind. Sort of mature chavs, if that isn’t a contradiction in terms.

Mum was a complete minger. Only a blind man with no sensation in his fingers, a complete lack of sense of smell and a guide dog with a really cruel sense of humour would have gone there. Lumpy, craggy, wrinkled, smelly… urgh.

Dad had a really bad buzz cut, perhaps done by the same blind guide dog. The kind of bloke who looks like he picks fights with people three times his size because he’s under the mistaken impression that he actually is as hard as he looks. Only the fact that he was missing a large portion of his left hear (and I could see the toothmarks where it was detached) tells me he’s not as hard as the people he winds up.

The kid, though. Another class. About 10-ish, clad in a dark blue "Burberry" hoody – of course with the hood right up. With his big googly eyes, he looked like ET on the front of Elliot’s bike.

There were some cub scouts helping with packing at the tills in exchange for your hard-earned spare brass and Little Chav spotted the collection bucket remarkably quickly for one so early in his criminal life. Fingers straight in. Until Mum smacked him in the face.

She obviously guessed he’d spend the money on crack instead of more ***** from Elizabeth Duke for her to hang off her fingers.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
10 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Shooting Parrots

If “could of” makes the dictionary, I open my own throat.

Dawn

I just had to bow before you and say this litle posting bought a huge giggle to my belly which erupted through my mouth.. whilst drinking coffee.. thus ensuring a nice coating of spray over my monitor πŸ™‚ Keep up the descriptive work mate πŸ˜‰

Mosh

Dave – ta for that, seen it before πŸ™‚

Damo – at last, a use for George Bush. Let him find another pointless ******* war and we can send the chavs to fight it!

Damo

We do get a load of them round my way. The only thing that is going to make the festering season bearable is the fact that the little ******* have used up all of the fireworks that they were setting off every night during halloweeen-last week.
********.
Chavs are the only reason that national service should be bought back, then we can send them all to anywhere on a peace-keeping mission.

Dave

Here’s the site for you:-

http://www.chavscum.co.uk/

Beth

WOW! dont i just hate chavs. There all going round with there stupid cloths saying ‘init’ and ‘your mum’. Is there no way we can get ride of them?

Mosh

Beth – I recommend you make your displeasure obvious and take a trip to SmellYourMum. They do a nice line in chav-abuse t-shirts!

Or alternatively just kill the ******* by whatever means necessary.

SP – it’s the area where my most convenient Morrisons is, unfortunately. I drive past it on the way home. It’s shabby, but a lot easier than going past the house to the larger, busier one. Sadly, it backs onto a really shitty estate full of the *****.

Shooting Parrots

Excellent description. I could really picture them. Unfortunately!

Mosh

If I had my way there’d be a big flash of light and no more of then. I’d round the ******* up, put them in a field and nuke ’em.

Chris Parr

For some reason there seem to be more and more latley. I think they are actually aliens trying to infultrate society, because you have to admit, I don’t see how you could actually want to become a Chav.

You have to somehow ‘become’ a chav. The ones that are born chavs can’t help it, but the parents must have made the deision sometime in the past.

Think about it. Can you imagine waking up one morning and thinking “Right I’ll do it! Off to the cheap fake gold shop and then to the market to buy me some silly cloathes”?

No, I can’t either, so they must be aliens! You watch the sky, there will be a big flash of light one night and the next day there will be even more of them!