More chav neighbour “fun”

Oh it gets better. Worse. Whatever.

Tuesday night was a pain what with ringing chav‘s dad and everything, but tonight it just got surreal. I heard the front door slam at around 6:00, just as I was on my way out with Kim (neighbour, ex-housemate and all-round good egg) to see a preview film at the IMAX.

As we drove past the shops nearby, I spotted Mrs Chav at the payphone on the corner. No big shakes. Enjoyed evening out, got home.


So I went and knocked on the door. As you do. Only I was sneeky – I waited till one of them had run to the shops, so it sounded like him coming back. Nevertheless, a head appeared at the little window and I heard “he’s here”. In other words “I knew he’d come round if we were loud enough, the miserable ****”.

A pause and the door opens. Chav-boy… with a grin. Weird. “You want us to turn it down, yeah? Sorry about that.”


So I was my polite self (I know you don’t believe it) and mentioned that I knew he had Tuesday off and sorry about ringing his dad and all and…

“My dad? I didn’t know about that.”

Weird. Whose ******* phone did his dad ring, which was answered by someone calling him “dad” on Tuesday night, then? So he’s either lying or was too wasted to remember.

“And I’ve got tonight off as well.”

Aw, ****.

“And I’m skint. I’ve only got, like, a fiver and I spent it on beer. I’m kind of having a blow-up. Me girlfriend’s walked out on me! Ha! Hey, and you know why?”

Because you’re a useless waste of space? You live to piss people off? You beat her up? You’ve told her more than once that she means less than nothing to you?

“I beat her at Far Cry on me XBox! She said the controller she has was ****. ****, she even… here… come in and look at this!”

So, dazed, I followed him in.

“You’re right about these walls being thin. She threw my phone at me. Look!”

And he shows me a mobile phone, buried in the wall. Sadly not in his skull. Good arm on her, that lass, in fairness.

Everything got weirder about that. I know he’s now overdrawn by some stupid amount of money, which is nice. And he’s damaging the house, so he’ll lose his deposit when he moves out. Which is nice.

But it’s quiet now (around 10pm) so I should be grateful. I don’t think she was helping with the rent, so sadly he likely can still afford to live there. And he’s sure she’ll be back. The cocky ****. Sad thing is, he’s probably right.

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Wot yoo on about, dad, phone, call, Tuesday?

I’m trying, but my mind-reading section of my brain appears to have switched off. Or something.

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