I went to the match at St James’ Park yesterday (probably my last match this season) and on the way stopped at the traditional watering hole – Wetherspoons near the Central Station.
There were a few of us and lunch was needed. I’m a stingy ****, so I wanted to split one of the “two meals for £6.39” offers with someone, but no. Sharon – cheeseburger and onion rings. Gill – the same. Riff – steak salad. Well, **** ’em. I wanted sausage, beans and chips.
Off I plodded to the bar to order. And was told that I couldn’t have my beloved sossies. They don’t do single meals from that offer – they don’t even have a price for them. It’s two meals or something off the main menu.
So I ordered two sausage, beans and chips. On the same plate.
And I finished my meal before anyone else. 36″ of prime pub-warmed sausage, a tin of beans and enough chips to choke a very, very, very small horse.
Does anyone still have to ask why I go to the gym? Except to stare at all the women?
they just followed me home & accidentally walked into the mincer – honest officer…
Mmmm… squiggly pigglies!
JJ – you’ve not been letting certain boar out so you can claim they were wild and pignap them have you? Hmmm?
our local farm do Wild Boar & Apple and they are REALLY good
mmm, pig products………
Babs – I’m sure you’re more “cuddly” than “heifer”!
Carl – get to your room. Now. And no supper. Well, OK. You can have the fat from the drip tray.
Good lord. I’m a heifer and I couldn’t have finished all that!!
I can see the ad now:
“I liked it so much I wrote a song about it:
# You should see the grease come out
# When I’m grillin’ burgers
Get sausages. Get George Formby Grill and Ukelele Combo. Use the latter on the former. Sausages with little greasiness. Sorted.
[At the risk of deliberate misinterpretation]: I’ve had a major sausage craving since before chrimbo. Trouble is, whenever I’m in the supermarket I either walk right past forgetting they’re there, or I look at them and feel queasy at the prospective greasyness and thus don’t buy them.
Must. Have. Sausages.
Hehe. I once won the Fatty Arbuckles Challenge by eating the largest thing on the menu. And the ******** didn’t even have the decency to have the proper t-shirt in stock as a prize.
Wow, that’s a lot of food, I think I could do that. Hell, I had 1kg of rump steak when I was first in South Africa! I’m a fat bastard, I’m a fat bastard!
Erm. Was sausages, beans and chips. No pies, no rolls and no pasties. So **** off.
On three…
3!
Who ate all the pies?
Who ate all the pies?
You fat bastard
You fat bastard
You ate all the pies!
And the sausage rolls
And the sausage rolls
You fat bastard
You fat bastard
And the sausage rolls
And the pasties too
And the pasties too
You fat bastard
You fat bastard
*bows*