Goal II: Living The Dream

Cover of "GOAL II: Living the Dream"
Goal II: Living the Dream

It’s taken me a long time to get around to watching this one. I saw the original Goal! probably around four years ago in Newcastle. It did quite well in Tyneside cinemas, probably because it was set around the city and because it was about football.

What was really good about it was that the backbone of the story wasn’t the football – it was very much the characters. Sure, there were your stereotypes, but what would you expect from the scriptwriters of Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. Clement and La Frenais aren’t involved in this, the first of two sequels, and to some extent it shows. Mind, with far less of the film being set on Tyneside their influence perhaps isn’t needed.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Muñez progresses from Newcastle United to Real Madrid (in a swap deal which brings Michael Owen the other way!), and begins to face the problems of the Spanish football scene, and being away from his fiancée. Also, more family secrets come out as the film progresses.

Goal II is pretty much an extended edition of a football-themed soap opera. On this note, I have to make a confession. The only soap I have ever followed on television is Sky’s Dream Team. Partly because it was about football and partly because of the stylish way they merged real Premier League footage with the actors.

The Goal series doesn’t quite manage the technical wizardry of the TV series, instead opting for just using the real players and filming live segments in front of huge crowds. It works quite well, though some of the footage doesn’t quite ring true.

It is, as every sports movie seems to be, a “rags to riches” tale, but it’s good to see that the sequel just isn’t a rehash of the first film, only with a Spanish accent. The scene is different in Spain, the film concentrates on the Champions League rather than La Liga and the domestic tension steps up a notch.

In true soap style, the ending is a real cliffhanger… though not on the footballing front. One very simple scene, a few minutes from the end, simply had me gagging for the third installment – even before the “To Be Continued” flash before the credits.

Sure, it’s not going to appeal to everyone. It’s not complex, but it’s about football and it makes a change from the tabloid-led stories we hear of in the real world. The football scenes are entertaining and the acting’s pretty good – partly as Backham doesn’t have any dialogue in this one.

Best of all, Goal 3: Taking on the World (yes, it’s based on the World Cup…) is due out in a month.

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Sickening

Jail cell in the Brecksville Police Department...
Make this a permanent address

I won’t rant. I just won’t. But check out this story on the BBC regarding a sick piece of **** who raped his two daughters over a period of time – he was found guilty of 25 incidents. They were made pregnant 19 times between them, gave birth to nine children (two died at birth) and miscarried or aborted the rest.

He systematically abused his own children, then used their own feelings for their own incestuous offspring to threaten them into not telling about it all.

A judge gave him a lengthy sentence, ordering he serve a minimum of 19½ years. Harsh by our pathetic standards, nowhere near enough but well done to the judge in question.

Only he’s appealed and had that minimum sentence dropped by five years in line with those imposed for “serious murder“.

I won’t get into how rape compares to murder. How removing one’s life can be worse or not as bad as destroying what remains of it. How 19½ years isn’t long enough in the first place. How any murder can’t be “serious”. How raising the minimum for “serious murder” would be a better idea rather than lowering other sentences to match.

I just won’t. Because I don’t need to. Because any right-minded person knows all this already.

What galls me is how the system doesn’t seem to be run by right-minded people.

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Fanboys

Fanboys Preview Poster
Fanboys

Fanboys was, for a long time, a rumour. A film that was kind of coming out, but never seemed to quite make it into the cinemas. I don’t know if it was ever on the big screen in the UK, but I’ve finally managed to catch it on the small screen and I really enjoyed it.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Four high-school friends meet up three years after graduation and go on a mission to locate a print of the not-then-released Star Wars Episode I. It’s a road movie for sci-fi geeks.

The complaint levelled at it by the mainstream media has been that it’s very much about fanboys and for fanboys. And, you know, this is true. I found myself laughing out loud at many points during the film, but looking back almost every single one was at spotting a line of dialogue (Wars and Trek) being used out of context, or on another incredibly cool cameo by some geek legend or other.

That is most definitely the highlight. Not only seeing these people in the film, but recognising them and knowing who they are. I’m not going to spoil it and name a single one. It would take a good portion of the enjoyment out of seeing this.

Without them, yeah. It’s just a road movie, and not a particularly great one. But he thing is, it does have these cameos, and references and nods. I defy anyone not to laugh at the scene that’s left after the van crashes. It’s not just a nod, it’s a clever nod.

Satisfy your inner geek – if you have one – and don’t miss this.

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Coraline

coraline movie
Coraline

First up – Coraline is pronounced like Caroline with the “o” and “a” swapped around. Something that is emphasised as the film progresses. Secondly, it’s creepy. Don’t take anyone too young or you will inevitably have episodes of “monsters under the bed” for the next few bedtimes.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: girl moves into new house, finds secret doorway in wall with lovely “other” mum and dad through it… only things aren’t as nice as they first seem and she ends up having to become more the heroine than the loved daughter.

Unfortunately I didn’t get the see the film in 3D as the showtimes didn’t suit, which is a shame as it looks absolutely beautiful in 2D. Without a shadow of a doubt, Coraline wouldn’t have been half the film had it been realised in any way other than stop motion. This method lends an automatic creepiness to any story, which goes hand in glove with the subject matter here.

A personal highlight to hear Dawn French (her character with enormous boobs, naturally) and Jennifer Saunders playing off each other again.

I guess two people need to be thanked: Neil Gaiman for such a great children’s story and Tim Burton for making big-screen stop-motion fashionable again with Nightmare Before Christmas.

Definitely one to see, but as I said – be a responsible adult as to how young the nippers are that you take.

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