Film – Page 48 – Mosher'sUnimaginativelyEntitledBlog

The Hulk (2008)

Oh dear. Considering this was meant to be a “reimagining” (I hate that word) after Ang Lee‘s somewhat dissapointing film a couple of years ago, The Hulk really wasn’t all that original.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Well, the Hulk genesis is taken care of in flashes during the opening credits. Bruce Banner goes missing, army look for him, he contains Hulk, army catching him makes Hulk come out, bad guy decides to become second Hulk because he’s power-hungry, Hulk fights baddie. Oh, and there’s a girl in there somewhere.

The effects are better than the previous effort, but the action sequences are by-the-numbers and the plot’s the same one that every major monster movie’s used since Frankenstein hit the screens. I’m not even sure how Hulk wins the final battle as I was busy checking my text messages and couldn’t be bothered rewinding.

In fact, the only reason I can see for making this film is to tag on the bit at the end (SPOILER AHEAD) where Tony Stark a.k.a Iron Man appears in a bid to “recruit” Hulk. Much in the same way that Stark himself was approached by S.H.I.E.L.D at the end of his first movie.

Other than that, just a generic and rather dull action film. I’d rank it as better than the first one only as it’s not quite to sentimental. Other than that… nothing really to recommend it.

Eagle Eye

Rip the basic premise from Enemy of the State, shove in some lower-rate actors (and a couple of decent names that people have heard of), ramp up the action so nobody notices the gaping plot-holes and completely ludicrous excuse for a plot and you have Eagle Eye.

But, like most eye-candy no-brainers it does have its place. Sometimes you just want to switch off – and you have to if you want to overlook the multitude of problems that Eagle Eye has. As most of the film consists of things blowing up or being destroyed in some other manner, this isn’t a difficult task.

Plot in a nutshell: lead male’s twin brother (air force hot-shot) dies. Surviving twin gets home to find out he’s suddenly very rich, his apartment is full of stuff that points towards him being Bin Laden‘s best friend and the FBI want to have a very frank discussion with him. Obviously this confuses him. On the other side of town, female lead receives a phone call telling her that her son will die in a train crash if she doesn’t do as she’s told and pick up lead male after he’s made an insane escape from custody.

And so it goes on. The best lines in the film come courtesy of Billy Bob Thornton‘s sourpuss FBI agent and Michael Chiklis puts in a decent turn as the Secretary of State. Everyone else just plays it by the numbers which is fair enough – this isn’t exactly Schindler’s List.

Just make sure you don’t at any point sit back and go “but why didn’t…” a then the whole thing will unravel faster than that sweater you got for Christmas off your granny once the cat got hold of it. I would, though, like to know how whenever someone gets shot a dozen times in a film and survives, they always end up with their arm in a sling.

Review: Watchmen

Watchmen Poster - Silk Spectre — Watchmen

Well the whole world seems to be watching the Watchmen. So I went to watch it. On IMAX in Melbourne. And the first thing I’d say is “save your cash – if you’re going to see it, then see it in normalvision”. It’s good, but it doesn’t make as much use of the screen as, say, The Dark Knight or Spiderman 3.

Mind you, seeing Malin Akerman pretty much naked on a screen the size of a house… She has just taken Alicia Silverstone‘s crown for “most fit bird in a superhero film that I’d really, desperately like to shag”.

Sex rating of the top totty aside, how is it? Well… it’s OK. I remember loving the graphic novel all those years ago (damn, I’m old) but the film didn’t quite conjure up the same magic. It’s not that it’s bad. Far from it. It’s an excellent adaptation and I understand why some of the original story had to be dropped. 2 hours 40 minutes is long enough – a full adaptation would be nearer three times that.

The story’s good, the pacing’s spot on, the cast really couldn’t be better, the visuals are superb, it’s nicely grisly in places, the sex scene had me wishing I was in a darkened room at home with a pause button… all well and good. But it just didn’t tingle my spine like Superman Returns or make me sit in awe like the previously mentioned Dark Knight.

It is nice and dark, though. Whereas the return of Batman took us down dimly-lit alleyways, Watchmen splashes through the sewers and digs for the secret stuff in underwear drawers. We all know Batman’s little secrets – it’s what makes him so much more interesting than any other superhero. What Watchmen does is expand that out to encompass all costumed crusaders. And it asks the questions of what happens when it all goes wrong?

I do recommend going to see the film. It’s not really a superhero film in the traditional sense. The plot is much deeper than anything else similar you’d like to compare it to. And aside from The Punisher you’re not going to see as much graphic violence. However, I do think that the best way to film it would have been as a high-budget 10-episode TV movie or similar. The original comic has a plot that really does deserve that.

In the meantime, though, this is as good an adaptation as could have been hoped for.

Rambo 4

Rambo 4 is written and directed by Stallone, who’s wringing the last drops of headband sweat out of the second of his major franchises. After the sob story that was Rocky Balboa, he’s followed it with the imaginatively-named John Rambo. Rambo’s back and he’s still not a fan of being pushed. Not by inbred sheriffs, not by the Commies, and this time not by Burmese drug-manufacturing, Christian-kidnapping, young boy-buggering dictators.

The plot’s thinner and more see-through than a separated sheet of toilet paper that’s been dipped in water. Stallone’s performance is really pushing “special needs” and his diction’s just gone completely. I’m surprised it doesn’t include subtitles.

However, the action sequences (about half the film’s length) are about the goriest battle scenes I’ve seen since Saving Private Ryan. Obviously, as this film’s not “educational” or “historic” it gets a higher rating. And a jail term of 5 years for watching it, if you’re a citizen of Myanmar. I mean, it’s a bad film but it’s hardly criminal.

The stereotypes are all there. Thai people who play with snakes. Nice village people who run around and die. Bad soldiers who kill people for ***** and giggles. An evil warlord who never fires a shot, but wears sunglasses and smokes a cigarette as he watches his minions do all the work for him.

Oh, and just for good measure we have a scene which implies he shags teenage boys up the bumhole. In case he’s not evil enough for committing genocide.

The climactic scene where Rambo kills him is about the cheesiest thing I’ve seen on a video screen. Seriously, it could have been filmed in Glorious Gorgonzola-vision. Wallace and Gromit would be drooling over it. It’s so gut-wrenchingly awful that it’s as if I’d stepped through a dimensional warp and I was watching a parody of the self-same film I was currently viewing. In fact, it’s so bad that Weird Al’s Rambo piss-take scene from UHF is completely bland in comparison.

But somehow, I don’t know how, I watched the whole thing. Time passed. I stayed awake (it was late and I was tired) and I got to the end thinking “I could watch that again” though preferably with Dolby Surround and a bigger screen than my laptop. It’s just so bad it’s in the “few beers and some crisps” pile for another time.

Although what, I think, edged it was watching it in Myanmar. Where it’s banned. And yet everyone I’ve talked to has seen it.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

I’ve not see the “new” Star Wars trilogy so I was a little out of depth with The Clone Wars, but all the same I enjoyed it. I’ve no idea who the vocal cast are but they did a decent job. The visuals are stunning with sequences to match anything you’ve seen in the “proper” films, or indeed the Lego games.

Plot in a nutshell: Jabba’s son has been kidnapped and the safe use of a sector of space by the Rebel Alliance (or whatever they were pre-proper Star Wars) relies on their finding him and returning him. Of course, the Empire (or whatever they were pre-proper Star Wars) are involved somehow, so everything is not as clear as it could be.

For a cartoon, the plot’s got quite a few twists and turns which was a pleasant surprise. For me, though, it was the visuals and the battles that made it. Just like the original trilogy.

A worthwhile addition to the storyline – though I still think anything outside the original, unedited trilogy should just be classed as chaff.

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