Seen Get Carter?

Michael Caine in Get Carter (1971).

The original Get Carter with Michael Caine, that is. Not the (apparently) awful Stallone remake? Or failing that, have you lived anywhere on Tyneside in the last thirty or so years? If you can answer “yes” to either, then you’re likely aware of the god-awful eyesore that is the Gateshead multi-storey car park.

Well, the good news is that it’s finally getting pulled down this year. The local council have put special lighting on it in an attempt to make it look better in it’s final few months, but as far as I can tell it’s just a huge lump of now-colourful concrete.

I do remember as a kid that we used to park there when we went to Tesco and Shopping City. I always wondered why the stairwell on the top two floors had iron railings to stop people falling or jumping out. As if you’d be fine propelling yourself off the ledge of the other ten-or-so storeys. It’s now Tesco who’re paying for the demolition so they can build a new hypermarket there, with a cinema and so on. Gateshead needs a brush up – it has since I was a kid. If I recall, one of the problems with demolishing the car park was the number of shops underneath it which would have to be relocated. I’m wondering if that’s happened, or if Tesco’s just bought them all out.

Either way, I hope the facelift the town gets is worth all this hassle. Sometimes history has to go – because it’s too damn ugly. Now, will someone kindly start working on getting rid of the similarly monstrous concrete car park on the other side of the Tyne Bridge?

Whip out your Wii-nis

Blame Chris for this one – he sent me it. It’s a game for the Wii called Super Pii Pii Brothers. It’s Japanese and as weird as you’d expect from the country that gave us Akira, tentacle rape and ****-fetishism.

Have a check of the video below. Essentially, the aim is to strap your Wii-mote to your groin with the included harness and then… well… piss into a toilet. You get bonus points for urinating on pussies (there’s that Japanese influence again). There’s even a two-player option where you can (probably) cross the streams to defeet Zuul or something.

What worries me is that I find the image of a slightly chubby American woman waving a strapped-on console remote somehow… horny.

I need help.

Oh, and if you live in the US then ThinkGeek will even sell you a copy.

Awful, awful ideas

This image is a candidate for speedy deletion. It will be deleted after Thursday, 15 November 2007.Image from WikipediaAnd the slew of Hollywood remake threats continues with two idiotic, but it seems green-lit, suggestions: Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Short Circuit. Both good films in their original forms… OK. Bill & Ted was amazing and had a damn good sequel. Short Circuit wasn’t so bad, but again the sequel wasn’t so bad.

So why the remakes? SC is being worked on by the people who scripted the original. Why not do a third rather than remaking the first one? Same with B&T. Scuttlebut has it that a few years ago Winters and Reeves were considering going back to their best-known characters for a third in the franchise.

I guess it’s cheaper and easier to remake something that’s already been done than to tackle anything with a degree of originality. Look at the insane number of sequels, comic book adaptations, book adaptations, remakes of old films, remakes of foreign-language films and so on that have filled the summer blockbuster spots for the last few years.

In fairness, a lot of these have been superb. The re-awakening of the Batman franchise with Batman Begins. Similarly the long hiatus in the saga of the Man of Steel with Superman Returns. The Harry Potter films. The forthcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The Ring remakes and subsequent sequels unrelated to the original Japanese Ringu series. The excellent Spiderman series.

So there are some good films that result from it, but the superhero films at least have some original scripting. The direct remakes are poor and the shot-for-shot remake of Psycho a couple of years ago must be one of the most pointless uses of celluloid of all time. Is it really so difficult to some up with something original for filming these days? Novelists seem to be able to rattle of original books all the time, so why not scriptwriters?

Converse All-Brain

Kerrap! have a little item today about a new line of trainers from Converse. Yes, despite being dead, Curt Cobain has a set of footwear coming out. "The sneakers are black and white, and some feature artwork and words from the singer’s notebooks."

No word yet on the “covered in blood, gore and lumps of brain matter” line. Maybe later in the year.