Category: Funny

Talking to myself

I was in the car with Noa in Israel (see the Travel Blog a couple of weeks ago) and she started muttering to herself in Hebrew. It turns out she was trying to work out the best directions to get somewhere and asked if I didn’t talk to myself on occasion when I was working things out in my head.

Well, see, I used to. But I’m an obstinate bastard and the arguments I kept having always left me with as bad taste in my mouth. I always had to be right and get the last word in, and when you’re arguing with yourself that’s kind of inconvenient. Plus, I’m a sore loser and I never seemed to come out on the winning side.

I’d use every trick in the book to win the arguments. I’d lie, cheat and insult myself to the point where I just fell out with me. To be honest I’ve not spoken to I for a good few months now and it’s getting a bit awkward as I keep bumping into me. I’m sure people are starting to notice.

Anyway, I have to be off. I’m looking over my shoulder at what I’m typing again and I ******* hate when people do that.

Handy holiday hint

Here’s one for you. If you’re someone who wears contacts most of the time, please bear this in mind. Should you wander around for weeks wearing nice mirrored sunglasses, and then change them for no contact lenses and a pair of regular specs… stop perving women in an obvious fashion as they can now see that you’re doing it. Just because you can feel that little weight on the bridge of your nose and the backs of your ears doesn’t mean your eyes are obscured.

Yes. Whoops.

Textbook disclaimer stickers

Textbook disclaimer stickers for people stuck in the sadder States where they insist on teaching this Creationism nonsense. As the guy says, pass them on to your kids’ science teacher. If they don’t find them amusing, change school. Or district. Or State.

Skype spam

I’ve just encountered two instances of Skype Spam. This, basically, is someone you don’t know, randomly sending you a spam message while you’re logged on to Skype. Skype’s recommendation is to “hide” yourself to all but your contacts. There’s no method to report these freaks. The two messages I got were the same, but from different users.

[While posting this, I’ve had the same or similar messages from no less than 30 other accounts. And he’s tried to exchange contact details with me from two of them, one salled “Suzie” or something with a contact picture of a very pretty Asian girl]

Just log on, locate them and send them a ton of ****. Wanna see the conversation I just had with this prick? Here you go, slightly edited as he has a habit of just pasting the same ***** over and over and over:

[17:20:25] zhangchunli says: dear friend :
I beg your pardon for disturbing you. We are the biggest Chinese foreign trade wholesalers.
If you want to do business with us, we are glad and going to offer you the most reasonable discount, which can promise you to get more profits.If you have any time, please visit our website, contact with us and we will give you a satisfying answer.
our website： [deleted]
MSN L: wto-5188@hotmail.com [go on – use it]
[17:23:06] Mosh says: Lick my rancid arsehole, you freak
[17:23:12] Mosh says: Go on – suck the **** out
[17:23:15] Mosh says: You know you like it
[17:23:50] zhangchunli says: Lick my rancid arsehole, you freak
[17:23:50] Mosh says: Swallow my chocolatey poop chunks
[17:23:53] zhangchunli says: Go on – suck the **** out
[17:23:58] zhangchunli says: Lick my rancid arsehole, you freak
[17:24:01] Mosh says: Hehe – you can cut and paste
[17:24:06] zhangchunli says: go away
[17:24:09] Mosh says: My, aren’t *you* a clever little spamming spunk -eater
[17:24:14] Mosh says: No *you* go away
[17:24:15] Mosh says: Prick
[17:25:04] zhangchunli says: My, aren’t *you* a clever little spamming spunk -eater
[22:20:09] Mosh 说： No *you* go away
[22:20:11] Mosh 说： Prick
[17:25:28] Mosh says: Amazing. Are you using a mouse or has daddy taught you the keyboard shortcuts?
[17:25:39] zhangchunli [spam message repeated about 15 times]
[17:26:06] Mosh says: On a scale of “one” to “pathetic” you make your mother look like less of a loser
[17:26:45] zhangchunli says: [spam message repeated over 30 times]
[17:27:50] Mosh says: And that’s all you can do? How much is your **** of a father paying you for sitting there annoying people?
[17:27:52] zhangchunli says: Lick my rancid arsehole, you freak

[repeated 20 times]

[17:28:03] Mosh says: You don’t even speak English, do you?
[17:28:22] Mosh says: Ah – you’re using the keyboard shortcuts. Well done. Maybe you’re not as brain dead as you first appeared.
[17:28:41] zhangchunli says: And that’s all you can do? How much is your **** of a father paying you for sitting there annoying people?

[20+ repetitions]

[17:28:46] Mosh says: *giggle*
[17:28:48] Mosh says: You make me laugh
[17:30:05] zhangchunli says: you are a big bad egg

[15+ repetitions]

[17:30:48] Mosh says: EGG?! EGG?! Is that the best you can do? How ******* old are you?
[17:30:58] zhangchunli says: And that’s all you can do? How much is your **** of a father paying you for sitting there annoying people?

[repeated again]

[17:31:39] Mosh says: There are several of us round the screen here quite literally pissing ourselves laughing ay you!
[17:31:40] zhangchunli says: you are a big bad egg

[repeated]

[17:31:42] Mosh says: Hahaha!
[17:32:24] zhangchunli says: **** your mother

[repeat]

[17:32:57] Mosh says: You wish. She’d not sink as low as someone who’s had his cock up his own’ father’s shithole
[17:33:37] zhangchunli says: **** your mothe
[17:33:42] Mosh says: Tee hee
[17:33:45] zhangchunli says: go away
[17:33:51] Mosh says: You have no imagination at all, do you?
[17:34:18] Mosh says: No. I repeat from way back – YOU go away. YOU are the spammer. YOU are the **** sending unwanted messages to complete strangers. So… YOU **** OFF.
[17:34:28] zhangchunli says: **** your mother

[etc]

[17:34:36] Mosh says: You don’t even know how to block me do you?
[17:34:44] Mosh says: How old are you? Ten?
[17:34:55] zhangchunli says: How old are you
[17:34:57] zhangchunli says: ?
[17:36:12] Mosh says: The last time I saw a conversation with so much repetition, it was a small boy trying to annoy his mother. You’re truly pathetic
[17:36:45] zhangchunli says: what ?
[17:36:48] zhangchunli says: why
[17:36:49] zhangchunli says: ?
[17:37:29] zhangchunli says: you scold me first
[17:37:32] Mosh says: Because you have no imagination, no idea how to respond to an outburst, no idea how irritating it is to send message to people you don’t know.
[17:37:36] Mosh says: No – you ****** me off first.
[17:37:40] Mosh says: You sent me a spam.
[17:38:15] Mosh says: I don’t know you. **** knows I really don’t *want* to know you. You’ve done it from three separate account on Skype so far. You’re a spammer. Spamming = BAD. People hate spammers. Or are you so out of touch you can’t figure that out?
[17:38:36] zhangchunli says: do you a businessman
[17:38:39] zhangchunli says: ]?
[17:38:48] Mosh says: So take your 1010 account, your wwweee159, this one and the gazillion others and shove them up your arse
[17:38:50] zhangchunli says: why scold me
[17:38:59] Mosh says: How stupid are you?
[17:39:00] Mosh says: Really?
[17:39:10] Mosh says: Read this carefully:
[17:39:30] Mosh says: Sending people unsolicited messages (that is – messages they did not ask to be sent) is SPAM. It is RUDE.
[17:39:54] Mosh says: To do so from 20-30 different accounts is *harassment*. That is VERY RUDE.
[17:40:04] Mosh says: Am I keeping this simple enough for you? Or should I use shorter words?
[17:40:59] zhangchunli says: the messageshas been send ?
[17:41:12] Mosh says: *sigh*
[17:41:18] Mosh says: You don’t even speak English very well, do you?
[17:41:31] zhangchunli says: no
[17:41:34] Mosh says: If your company is so good, you’d not have to resort to this kind of invasive marketing
[17:41:41] Mosh says: What you are doing is WRONG.
[17:41:43] Mosh says: Is it BAD
[17:42:00] Mosh says: It is rude, ignorant, unthinking, selfish, annoying and not going to get you any customers
[17:42:21] Mosh says: Do what real companies do. Advertise in newspapers, on the radio, on TV. Get posters. Just don’t send random messages on Skype.
[17:42:32] Mosh says: Skype is for friends to talk on. Not for idiots like you to advertise on.

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