Category: Life

Bad time to be me

I’ve been feeling al ittle down the last couple of days and couldn’t quite figure out why. Something was niggling, I just couldn’t get any enthusiasm for anything, I’ve been snappy, I’ve hardly eaten anything…

Then something clicked. I checked through my blog and came across this post.

Yup, almost three years to the day that I started going out with Louise. And even on a subconscious level the whole thing is still ******* with my head. I know I don’t post about her any more, I know I try not to talk about her any more – in fact, I know my posts on here have become less personal in the last year-and-a-half since everything fell apart.

Thing is, I’m still trying to put it all behind me and it does still interfere with my life, much as I don’t want it to. I don’t post anything about relationships on this or my other blogs any more because I’m just scared it’ll just blow up in my face again.

I’m scared to be happy with anyone. Basically. Or at least I’m scared to let anyone else know about it in case I end up with emotional egg in my face again.

Thing is, if an anniversary of something I don’t even recall the exact date of can cause me to become depressed without me even realising why, what hope do I have? I know some people who will find this blog post hard to take and to them I apologise. I never try to pretend – I know I still have issues and I’m doing my best to get over them – but I was completely devastated by what happened and it’s taking me longer than I ever thought it would to get over stuff.

It’s a hard position for me to be in. I like being in a relationship – in fact I need to be so that I can do what I really want in life which is to have a family. However, my head is obviously still buggered up. I do think my heart is as well. Frankly, it’s frustrating more than anything else. Right now I need a good bunch of mates around me – and I mean right here around me – just to keep me busy doing stuff to take my mind off things.

I do apologise for this post as I know the more recent ones have been quite up-beat, but I’m always honest and open on this blog. Go back a couple of years to when I was having horrible problems at home, and the ones throughout my breakup with Lou for proof of that.

And don’t worry. I won’t do owt stupid. Never have (apart from those two “punching hand through window” incidents and I nailed it with the second one so I only broke the glass and not myself that time), never will. Just bear with me if I sound like a miserable sod on MSN or anything.

Thanks.

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Hint for new fundamentalist organisations

There’s an option here – check out a reference site or open your eyes to the outside world before you name your organisation.

As a case in point, let’s look at the Filipino Islamic group Moro Islamic Liberation Front. The Borneo Post had a headline today reading “Philippines To Scrap Peace Deal With MILF”. Now, to me that means that some attractive older woman has done something to annoy them.

Pop onto Google and do a (non-content-filtered) search for MILF and I guarantee that the most popular searches aren’t about Islamic groups. But you’ll get some great photos.

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Twatting Britain

ASDA Stores LimitedAsda – whatever you want,
except the word “****”

This is yet another example of what pisses me off about the UK. A book is being reprinted with a change in the text because one word has upset a few parents who don’t want their kids reading it. Of course, these parents obviously have no ******* idea of the language theit little preciouses are using at school.

The part of the text that got me more than anything else was that Asda would refuse to stock My Sister Jodie after “a complaint from one shopper”.

One.

A single, ******* one.

Out of 28,000 sales.

That’s an enormous 0.00357142857% of total customers, if my maths is correct. And because of that, they’ve withdrawn it from sale.

It reminds me of when I was back in Low Fell and wanted to get some Richard Laymon books out. I couldn’t find some of them on the shelves, so asked if they had them in stock. “Yes”, was the reply,”but you’ll have to reserve them as they’ve been removed.”

Someone (and I mean “one”) had complained at the content. Of a horror book. In the adult section. Thus it was taken from the shelves and only obtainable if you paid money to make a reservation for it.

The country’s gone to ****. Is it any wonder I’m not hanging around there any more?

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Chinese tennis

Just got in from the pub where we watched Venus Williams get soundly beaten by a small Chinese woman. I’m not one to watch tennis, but anything involving fit women in short skirts is bound to catch my attention. Especially after a few beers.

Part of me wonders where all these Chinese athletes have come from. When was the last time a Chinese player did will at Wimbledon? Yet this woman – frankly – thrashed the statuesque Venus and walked into the semis.

I think it’s down to motivation. Venus loses some pride and marketability (no cash prizes for the Olympics). The Chinese girl loses her youngest brother if she fails to qualify. Her mum’s head’s on a block if she gets to the final.

Talk about pressure.

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Ed update

Just got this mail from Anni:

I had an email off Sarah, my friend who took Ed in. They found a lump on his shoulder, so he went to the vets to have it removed. Apparently it was a tumour, but wasn’t attached to anything, and the vet thinks
he got all of it, and got it early enough for it not to have spread anywhere else.

Poor little thing – so young, and had so much trauma in his life.

*sniffle*