Category: Rant

Why is this not racist

The Voice, a newspaper for people of coloured background… African Englishpersons… whatever – has compiled a list of the most influential black people in football. Surely this is racist? Can anyone imaging the outcry if the BNP published a list of the most influential white people in football?

Can’t people just see past skin colour? Can’t we just have a list of the most influential people (should it even be needed), regardless of skin colour? Is it so ******* difficult for people to see past a skintone?

****’s sake.

How exactly is this news?

Emphasis on the "new". Alder Hey Hospital has announced that if parents didn’t smoke around their children, then the number of bronchitis cases (and other smoking-related diseases) would drop.

Now excuse me if I’ve been living in a future world and have just popped back to see how shitty the 21st century actually was… but haven’t we known this for years, just smokers are so ******* selfish they don’t care?

This reminds me of a guy I used to work with. He was my contact at another company and he told me about one of his colleagues with a very poorly daughter. Lovely child, about 10 years old, crippling lung conditions and stunted growth. This chap and his partner went to dinner at the colleague’s house… where said colleague and his wife chain-smoked the entire evening from the moment they arrived to the moment they left.

Despite this, the doctor’s protestations and what is common ******* knowledge in this day and age they point-blank refused to believe that their filthy habit was in any way related to their poor daughter’s debilitated condition.

The selfish, ignorant, backward *****.

I can’t be arsed looking for the post elsewhere on the blog but I’ve said in much these words before: how can it be illegal to slip arsenic and other toxins into your child’s food… yet be completely legal to force them to breathe the same filth when you’re fully aware of the risks?

Yes, I’m a rampant anti-smoker. Yes, perhaps it’s selfish of me to be glad that they now can’t smoke in pubs, clubs and malls in many countries. But how on earth can anyone attempt to justify something that causes nothing but ill health? And worse, not just to themselves but to everyone around them?

Occasional musing on women

I already had half this post written mentally when I ended up with more to write on it, courtesy of a visit to "Sara"’s remodelled web page. Just a couple of questions about the female half of our species.

Referring to the above-mentioned page… what is it with purple? Why do so many women like it? You’re all supposed to like pink, get it right. Or is there some subtle undercurrent that I’ve stumbled upon?

How does one make purple? By mixing red and blue. But I’ve noticed that women prefer a lighter shade of purple – maybe a mauve. To which you’d add white. Deconstruct that and you have red, white and blue. Red and white = pink. Plus blue. We’re getting somewhere.

You lot are trying to wheedle in on the traditional male colour! And, as usual, you’re doing it in a sneaky "we women know, but let’s not tell the men" way. And with my superior male intellect I have caught you out!

Please don’t kill me.

Second question – what the hell do you lot do with toilet paper? Eat the stuff? Now I’m no stinge in the arse-wiping department but in my flat I can make a standard roll of bog paper last over a month. Seriously. And I promise I don’t deliberately **** in the office to save money.

Yet I have one female guest in the flat and I go through whole roll in two to three days. In common internet parlance: WTF?! What do you do, really? Not all of you need it to pad your bras (Leah for one would be taking the piss if she did…), and I do tend to feed my guests well (Nicola came close to complaining about the volume of pasta served one night) so I do doubt you chow down on it.

I’m picturing women wrapping 2m of paper round their hands before venturing said semi-limb anywhere near their bottom (front or back) for a wipe.

From my viewpoint, I could accept a 2-fold increase in paper usage as there are two areas to wipe compared to the singular male one. I could even excuse a 3-fold one due to its requirement for both forms of excretion. But that still equates to maybe a roll a week maximum compared to my 4-weekly rota of paper usage.

Seriously – what gives? Do you get bored and make paper streamers, then flush them all away afterwards so as not to give the game away? Or write long diary entries on them for copying into your little lockable secret books when you get out? After all, men read on the loo – maybe women write.

Please, put me out of my misery on this one!

Protest for the tuk-tuk!

I just sent a mail to Brighton council regarding their insane decision to take Britain’s unique fleet of tuk-tuks off the road. I rode in these vehicles in several countries and the thought of being able to jump back into one makes me genuinely want to go to Brighton. No mean feat, given there’s **** all else there worth bothering with unless you’re retiring.

However, our government and their council are full of pencil-pushing fuckwits who value paperwork and red tape over common ******* sense. By all means, drop them a message. I have:

Hi,

I’m writing regarding recent reports in the press regarding the fate of the “tuk tuk” service being run by an independent contractor.

Firstly, I’ll be honest and say that I have never visited Brighton. However, something that has appealed for a while is the unique fleet of tuk-tuks (or “tuc-tuc”s as the emblem on the front of these vehicles proclaim). I’ve been to many countries which run the vehicles commonly (Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, India and so on) and they’re a great idea.

However, I simply can’t believe that a council can be so narrow-minded as to permit these vehicles to run legally… and then effectively withdraw their license by making it economically infeasible for them to run due to a matter of pathetic red tape – something for which the UK has become justly derided in recent years.

No, wait. I *can* believe it, given the state that my home nation is now in. For crying out loud, open your eyes and realise there’s a lot more out there than stupid safety regulations, bureaucrats, MPs and muppets with nothing better to do with their time than shout down anything that’s remotely “different”.

Give a guy with a new business idea a chance, and let people enjoy their lives without jumping on them like a bunch of politicians with nothing better to do with their lives than spoil everyone else’s.

Yes, I’m annoyed. My whole country is going to the dogs because of pathetic pencil-pushers and lawyers after a fast buck, running after the American example.

Get these vehicles properly licensed and back on the streets before you lose one of the few things that makes Brighton appealing to anyone other than drug-pushers and pensioners.

Yours in disgust at the state of his own country,

Mosh

I so await their reply. If you want to tell them what a bunch of boring, dull, rule-following, red-tape-loving, insensitive, mono-cultural, tax-greedy ***** they are then you can contact them via their contact page (here) or email them direct here.

Thanks.

Trick or treat!

Ghostly pumpkin
Ghostly pumpkin

******* trick, ya ****!

Things work differently in Scotland to the craphole estates in England that I got used to over the last few years. In England, “trick or treat” translates as “give me some sweets or cash or I’ll **** through your letterbox and kill your cat”. In Scotland, it boils down to “let me tell you a joke, do a dance or in some way entertain you in return for which I expect some sweets”.

Annoyingly, I got hoards of the scrounging ******* in England (including one daft **** who turned up around October 10th, dressed in an authentic-looking “young chav” costume), but never see them in Scotland where I think the kids would be much cuter and deserving of free stuff.

At least there doesn’t seem to be a huge line in “Happy Hallowe’en” cards as has infested the United States in recent years. Sure, they exist, but they’re not commonplace. Anyone buying one for me would find their face rapidly resembling a carved pumpkin. A month after Hallowe’en. Only with more blood and knife-holes.

Is it too early in the year for me to be saying “Bah, humbug”?

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