Coconut madness and Iranian madness

I wish I could be in London for this event on April 23rd. The cast of the Monty Python musical Spamalot will be leading over 1700 people in a bid to set the world record for the largest coconut orchestra. Nuts. Literally. But how cool?

On the other side of the coin is the numpty President Ahmadinejad of Iran. This is the prick who stated that he was releasing the improperly (probably) captured British sailors as a “gift” to the UK. I’d hate to be one of his kids if this is his idea of a gift.

“Well, Abdul, it’s your birthday. Here’s a gift for you.”

“But dad – that’s my bike. You stole it last week.”

“Ungrateful child!”



It’s funny how conversations wander in various directions. Hans and I started waffling about the Americans not bombing India yet – surprising given how many Muslims there are here, and each one a potential terrorist in Yankee eyes. And how come the US is allowed to get all high and mighty, telling everyone what to do when it’s the only western nation with a) the death sentence and b) a publicly acknowledged torture camp which breaches every human rights agreement the US has signed up to, but is exempt because of it’s geographic location?

They also say who can and who can’t have nuclear weapons. The UK are allowed them as we’re their buddies.

The French kind of are allowed them. They’re in the NATO, but on the other hand they won’t use them against the Taliban so they might as well not have them.

India can’t have them because they’d make shitty ones that broke.

North Korea can’t have them because their leader’s a ******* nutcase.

Russia aren’t allowed them any more as they’re too poor. And the handful of Russians left who could afford them would rather spend the money buying football clubs and pissing us all off that way instead.

Thinking about it, you can annoy a whole hell of a lot more people but buying up and bankrolling a previously middle-of-the-road football club than you could launching a nuke. After all, a nuke’s a one-shot / all over thing. It’s like setting off a single firework at 3am. You’ll wake the neighbours, make a dog bark but it’s all forgotten about in ten minutes.

But buying a football club… that’s like setting up a constant stream of rockets up one after the other from 11pm till it’s time to get up for work in the morning. And you’re not just pissing off the neighbourhood – everyone in Europe not in a blue shirt hates Chelsea right now and has done for two years now.

The other upside is that buying a football club is environmentally sound and fully bio-degradeable. The half-life of a Premiership striker is around 8 years – 5 for Michael Owen as he’s so injury-prone, but 8 as an average. Once their finished, you can recycle them as pundits on TV or just let them fade away. Nukes, on the other hand, have to be transported all the way to Australia and buried in the outback where they make kangaroos glow in the dark for generations.

Bush = **** (again)

Hey, I’ve not had a rail against this money-grabbing parasite for a while so here we go.

First off, he’s given the OK to oil drilling in Alaska despite it being in an area heavily populated by rare wildlife. This from a president who refused to sign up to Kyoto and help reduce pollution, emissions and – to do so – oil use. Who’s daddy, coincidentally, is on the board of a whacking big oil firm. Conflict of interest? Well, it doesn’t conflict when you can go ahead and do what the **** you want.

Next, he’s sending another 20,000 troops to Iraq. Hans has asked where he’s getting them from. Shake ‘n’ bake “instant soldier” packs? Or, more likely, the ghettos filled with poor black families who’s children can’t get work anywhere else due to the US education system being in a shambles? My money’s on the latter, for some reason. The blacks won’t vote for him, so they may as well be shipped to the middle east and shot by ragheads – then it’s the foreigner’s fault.

He has stood up and said he’ll accept responsibility for any errors in the handling of Iraq. Very big of him, since the whole world blames him for the whole ******* mess anyway.

Oh, and the US denies any bombing of Somalia. Except the ones on Monday. Because Al Quaida are in Somalia, so that’s OK. Actually, it’s likely because Muslims are in Somalia and as we all know – courtesy of the US scaremongering machine – all Muslims are terrorist sympathisers. I’m just glad I got out of Bradford before Bushy-boy added that one to his “to bomb” list.

Conclusion: Bush=fucktard trying to cram as many little games and money-making scheme into his final few months in office as he possibly can.