Category: Uncategorised

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. You’re all ******* ****!

As I was walking back from the gym this afternoon a thought hit me. No, not that despite sweating like a rather unfit pig on a spit (mmm… spitroast…. sorry, sidetracked) for 30 minutes every lunchtime for 2 months I still don’t look any fitter and my knees hurt. Though that did cross my mind. No, this thought was “it’s the middle of October and I could be sunbathing out here”.

Well, we all know about global warming and the evil greenhouse gases. So it’s all their fault. Now, as far as I’m aware, this is because these gases float up, get stuck in the sky and act like a 40-tog atmospheric duvet, keeping the heat in.

Conversely, there’s apparently a whacking big hole in the atmosphere over the North Pole that goes right out to space, which is kinda cold. This hole’s caused by CFC’s – different gases that eat ozone.

Now, I think the answer to our problems is staring us in the face. Get all those old fridges and smash them up. Spray every aging canister of Lynx you have until it’s empty. Then grab another. Repeat until out of Lynx, asphyxiated or shagged to death by all the gorgeous women that (according to the adverts) will want to **** your brains out.

These will make the ozone hole bigger. The hole is at the top of our planet and heat rises. So all this heat that’s being trapped will just gravitate upwards to the north pole, through the enlarged ozone hole and into space.

Sorted.

What we don’t want to happen is end up with a dead warm planet and a teeny ozone hole. Otherwise all the heat will build up and try to get out the ozone hole all at once, resulting in an effect similar to jet propulsion and we might shoot out of orbit and land on Mars a bit earlier than expected.

See? Now why am I not in one of those environmental think tanks? I’m smart, me.

Getting undressed in a gym changing room on a Friday. The day the local school use one of the suites for their PE class, so it’s filled with 14-15 year olds.

You’re unbuttoning your trousers. And you suddenly remember you’re wearing Dangermouse boxer shorts.

Welcome to hell.

The lovely sound of chavs

I was getting to bed on Friday night (after putting up with random thuds and rumbles from next door all night) when I heard what sounded like some **** belching then giggling in the room through from mine.

Bastard.

Until I listened closely. And what sounded like *BURP* *HUR HUR HUR* was actually *DEEP BREATH* *SOB SOB SOB*.

Yup. Some chav next door (don’t think it’s the one who lived there, sadly) was crying his ******* guts out.

I slept soundly that night.

Aaaawwww

A friend of mine is a single mum and, unprompted, I got this text from her this evening:

“I have laying beside me the most wonderful thing ever. His beauty astounds me sometimes. He is perfect in every way. This what true love is lol who needs a boyfriend when you can be as fulfilled as I feel right now. You know what? He’ll wake in the morning as good as gold. I’d give it an hour before I am shouting at him for being a pain in the arse. Hehe oh well while he is sleeping soundly guess I can be gooey over him :)”

Now that is someone I’d like as a neighbour.

I’ve been reet busy the last couple of days. Work tends to come in waves – either bored out of my tree or buried. I much prefer being buried as it makes the time go faster.

I got sent to site on Wednesday to clear up after a third party engineer didn’t (or to be fair couldn’t) get everything done. This stretched into Thursday morning as well. And then Thursday afternoon as more and more “little jobs” arose.

It was mainly setting up new PCs, connecting them to our network, installing printers and so on. There was also an old 10Mb hub to swap out for a 24-port 10/100 switch. I didn’t get that one done as their patch cupboard was a tip (in their own admission). So I recommended that it needed ripping out, rewiring and tidied. Preferably out of hours as it would involve downtime.

I am now working all day Sunday at double time. Whoop!

As a bonus I got to shout at a few kids, which is always a laugh. Little scrotes were using the site’s back yard as a shortcut home from school. One of them had been rather rude to the little old lady in account so I collared him. ******.

So my weekend consists of sorting out Sharon’s dad’s ADSL (including rewiring his telephone extensions) and sorting out their two PCs tonight, then the Wigan game tomorrow with one of my work colleagues (who’s in a box, courtesy of the customer I was at last week – git), and then sorting this cabling thing out.

Makes a changes from last weekend where I was licking supercars and staring at some Scottish bird’s tits.

Variety, as they say…

[update – Sunday’s off as it’s too short notice for the customer. Can’t do next weekend as it’s home game against the mackems. Hopefully the week after, and a Saturday afternoon start to give me some more (over)time]