Hostel etiquette for men

When staying in a shared dorm, even one that’s in a tropical country with no aircon, ensure you use some kind of sheet or covering. Especially after a night on the beer.

Otherwise you’re likely to wake up, stand up, stretch… and realise that your morning glory hard-on that’s stopped you pissing the bed for the last two hours is poking into the face of the young lady on the bunk opposite. And her boyfriend above had just woken up.

This is a faux pas. In certain eastern European countries, it’s tantamount to rape. Either way, the young fellow may well feel within his rights to “tear you a new one” for thus defiling his partner.

And don’t even thinkabout ******* on her face. Unless her boyfriend is a really deep sleeper.

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**** off Andy Gray

Andy Gray, Scottish footballer turned sports c...

As ever, all the coverage on ESPN (Sky) was biased towards ManUre. No surprise there. The pre-match coverage seemed as if it was chatting about a training game. We barely got a mention.

Then at the end, Andy Gray (the ****) blabs out that “Newcastle… erm… United drop two points against their rivals there.”

Well, yes. We did. Although I’m sure that’s not what the idiot meant. Pet hates about Andy Gray:

1) Got it stuck in his head that “United” only refers to one team

2) Wants Alex Ferguson‘s cock up his arse

Andy, you had your day. **** off and leave us alone. Can we please get the Premiership live coverage shifted to the BBC on the basis that the coverage would be infinitely better? And that Andy Gray might be forced to retire?

Oh, as a random aside – what a start to the season. I know they were missing Tevez and that Rooney wasn’t at full fitness, but we were suffering from player shortages as well. With only one up front, I really thought we’d be lucky to remain scoreless. What a performance from Coloccini as well. If he keeps that up week after week, he’ll be a fan favourite in no time.

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Chinese tennis

Just got in from the pub where we watched Venus Williams get soundly beaten by a small Chinese woman. I’m not one to watch tennis, but anything involving fit women in short skirts is bound to catch my attention. Especially after a few beers.

Part of me wonders where all these Chinese athletes have come from. When was the last time a Chinese player did will at Wimbledon? Yet this woman – frankly – thrashed the statuesque Venus and walked into the semis.

I think it’s down to motivation. Venus loses some pride and marketability (no cash prizes for the Olympics). The Chinese girl loses her youngest brother if she fails to qualify. Her mum’s head’s on a block if she gets to the final.

Talk about pressure.

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Ed update

Just got this mail from Anni:

I had an email off Sarah, my friend who took Ed in. They found a lump on his shoulder, so he went to the vets to have it removed. Apparently it was a tumour, but wasn’t attached to anything, and the vet thinks
he got all of it, and got it early enough for it not to have spread anywhere else.

Poor little thing – so young, and had so much trauma in his life.

*sniffle*

Stand up for Sir Bobby

I’m just picking him out as I know about it, but I’m aware that thousands of cancer sufferers face the same bit of news every year. In fact, every week.

You are going to die. Soon. And we’ve reached the point where there’s nothing we can do about it.

Sir Bobby announced the following recently:

“I have accepted what they have told me and I am determined to make the most of what time I have left. I have been fortunate to survive this long. It is thanks to my doctors and their dedication.

“My condition is described as static and has not altered since my last bout of chemotherapy. They have arrested the growth of the tumours on my lungs.

“I am going to die sooner rather than later. But then everyone has to go sometime and I have enjoyed every minute.”

On Wednesday night, he was guest of honour at a Newcastle v PSV Eindhoven game having managed both clubs in the past. As I’ve always said, this guy will drop dead on a training pitch, the dugout or in the stands if there’s any justice.

The sad thing is that it’s going to happen soon, and the world will be a much sadder place without him.

Again, I’m just picking out one sufferer who I have a lot of respect for. I’ve lost relatives to cancer and statistically, I’ll lose more. So if you have a few spare quid that you’re not donating to Blue Dragon, then you could do worse than to forward it to the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation.

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