Pornshoot

Official logo of the 2008 Summer Olympic GamesImage via Wikipedia

I did a pornshoot today. By which I mean I downloaded a load of porn and shot my wad looking at it. If that’s not a pornshoot I don’t know what is.

Again, sorry for not posting a lot recently. Excessive travelling, hectic schedules and being a lazy **** all factor into the equation. I’ve also got a teeny hangover from a cold I had around a week ago. To whit: one nostril which keeps dribbling. I swear I’ve swallowed half my bodyweight in bogies in the last week.

Yeah, I know. I should be blowing it into a bag and sending it to Ethiopia.

Hey, and how come if you blow into a hanky and put it back into your pocket the Chinese look at you in disgust? These ******* hack their guts up for minutes at a time and blow phlegm out into pots in the street. Well, not in Beijing any more. The government took all the pots away and started trying to fine random gobbers in an attempt to clean the place up before the Olympics.

Result? A few bob in the coffers and a shoe/snot problem every bit as bad as the shoe/chewing gum problem in the UK.

Mind, this is the same government that decided to try and reduce air pollution by banning huge amounts of traffic from the city ahead of the games. Nice idea, but banning it 2 weeks ahead of time is like trying to clear up Chernobyl with a vaginal sponge.

This is what you get for insisting on a random post when I’ve not had a chance to check the news recently. At least I’ve left Bangkok so I can’t run up to Bush and kick him in the head. Bastard.

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Must move on

George W. Bush speaks at a campaign rally in 2004.Grade “A” Fuckwit

I fly into Bangkok on August 1st. Leah leaves on the 3rd. I have to leave before the 6th? Why? Because George W Bush is visiting the city for two days on the 6th and the 7th. And if I don’t leave, I’ll likely end up being arrested for throwing poo at him. Or at the very least trying to get on telly with a huge sign saying “**** OFF YOU ****”.

Too little, too late you retarded dwarf. There’s no point trying to make friends now you’re about to drop out of office. Pretty much the whole world hates your guts. Deal with it. Sucking arse for a few weeks won’t change anything.

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Selfish footballers

Nostrils by David Shankbone

We all know how tasty and satisfying a good sniff is. Or a lovely delve into the nostrils to howk out a sizeable bogey to chow down on as an aperitif. So it really annoys me that with all the starving in the world, the likes of Ronaldo (both of them), Rooney, Beckham – hell, even our own dear Shearer – can be guilty of a horrendous waste of snot.

Many is the time I’ve seen a professional football player snorting a nostril or two full of sticky nose-juice onto the ground during a game. I know they’re rich and I know they drive stupid cars and wear suits that cost more than I earned in a year. I know they can wipe their arses with gold credit cards and use a fresh condom every time they have sex. But to be seen on TV throwing good food on the ground when there are millions starving in the Third World is nothing short of a disgrace.

A campaign should be started to force them to blow it out into a bag. After the game, it could be shipped to a needy child in Ethiopia or the Sudan who can’t generate enough bogies of their own for a good snort. Think of the children! Please, will someone think of the children? And the bogies.

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A religious dude… who’s actually cool

Hans sent me this link to a story from the Canadian Globe & Mail. It’s about a monk who’s decided he rather like metal – he cites Megadeth and Dream Theatre as favourites – so he’s decided to form a band and play live. This year he played at Italy’s Gods of Metal festival for the third time and he’s racked up about 150 gigs so far.

His name’s Friar Cesare Bonizzi, he’s 62 and he’s a Capuchin Monk. Why do I like him so much? This quote from the article:

“I never did it to preach, I did it because music is beautiful … If I want to convert people, I simply want to convert them to life, to welcome life, to enjoy life,” he said.

“I am religious and I am a priest but I am not doing this to convert people to Christ, to faith or the Church, but for them to try to understand life, to be able to enjoy it. Nothing more.”

Good on him. He’s a prime example of a religious person I could not only tolerate, but really like. Good on him and I hope the new album does well. In the meantime, here’s a vid of him from the GOM festival.

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Handy household tips no. 2412

When enjoying the skilled oral attentions of a pretty young lady (col. “getting a blow job“) do not relax and savour the moment too much. If she is to query your rapture with the phrase “Did I just hear you ******* snore?!” it is liable to result in an end of sexual pleasure for that evening, and perhaps some time to come.

[Aside: I love the tags that Zemanta came up with for this post – ranging from “blow job” and “oral” to “Religion and Spirituality” and “Christianity”. I guess church-goers suck a lot of cock.]

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