How ******* petty can you get?

Not content with relying on the handful of police who are actually allowed to patrol our streets and roads when they should be doing important things like filling in paperwork, two pathetic little attention-seekers have taken a photo of Jeremy Clarkson (allegedly) talking on a mobile phone while driving. And then gone to the police.

All without the slightest thought they might have managed to get their names in the papers of a few quid from a red-top for the privilege of course.

It does make me wonder a few things. First of all, they say he was doing 70mph when they took the picture. So to get a photo of him, they’d have had to be level. Which means overtaking him so that the passenger could snap the picture. Which means they’d have to be exceeding 70mph. Are the police looking into that?

Also, why pick on this one man? Was he the only one on a phone? Or do they do this for fun, taking photos of everyone they see breaking driving laws? If so, where is there catalogue of grainy mobile videos featuring undertaking, lack of lane discipline, tailgating and so on?

Whoops, sorry. Taking a few snaps of a guy in a BMW tailgating a Lada doing 68mph in the fast lane wouldn’t really get them into the papers, would it?

regular-ish news whinge

Well, what can I let off steam about in today’s news? In no particular order:

Some ******’s come up with the idea of school-leavers being asked to give an oath of allegiance to the queen. What a repulsive idea. Allegiance to the country I do agree with, but not the bloody royal family.

What strikes me as cheapening an already cheap idea is to proffer some kind of reward to those who volunteer (council tax discounts or student loan payments).

One suggestion I do like is the idea of offering immigrants a bursary towards English lessons. Ideally this should be a voucher scheme, or a grant towards establishments to offer these courses. And a mandatory test after 12 months (not a complex one, but just one to prove they’re progressing) otherwise kick them out. This is far more important than some pointless chant with a raised hand.

Also part of this raft of "ideas" includes the half-formed thought od updating the national anthem to remove verses not often used. What’s the point in that? If we don’t use them, we don’t use them. Whether they’re there or not makes no odds.

What the national anthem needs is changing. I’m sure I’ve ranted about this previously, but England needs an anthem of its own – the other three nations have theirs while for some reason we’re stuck with the generic British one, which further decreases our sense of national identity. I vote for Land of Hope and Glory. The UK should change the dull dirge we have now to the significantly more rousing Rule Britannia.

I wonder how much the moron who dreamed this lot up got paid?

Not exactly news, but always worth reiterating is the fact that the BNP are a bunch of ***** (and not the nice type). This time, their crime is not so much using a photograph that they (possibly correctly) claim is public domain, but the way they’ve used it. Their new leaflet seems to be endorsed by the family of a girl who died of a heroin overdose.

Within this heap of racist **** they try not to call &quo;propaganda" they also try to make out that drug abuse is a Muslim problem. No wonder so much of the world hates white people. Between ******* like these and the American government, we’ve so far painted every Muslim as a potential junkie who wants to strap explosives to his chest and fly a plane into a tower block.

Always up for a giggle is the Catholic church. I’ve been beaten to my views on this story by a lot of the comments on it, but at least it means I’m not alone in my amazement at their stupidity. They’ve announced some modern-day updates to the commandments / sins which they obviously haven’t researched too well.

First up, being excessively rich will stop you being allowed through the Pearly Gates. Interesting given the wealth coveted by their little organisation. Oh, hang on. Isn’t covetousness also a sin? Strike two.

Conspicuous by its absence is buggering choirboys, which is obviously still acceptable. A good job, or despite a lifetime in the cloth, hardly any of their priests would make it past Beelzebub’s pitchfork.

And finally, to sport. I’m just happy to see the teams which have made it through to the FA Cup semi-finals this year. One Premiership club (and not a so-called "top four" one at that, therefore guaranteeing a lower-league club a place in the final and a chance at European football next year.

A huge congratulations to Barnsley, West Brom, Cardiff and Portsmouth. For the first time in years there’s no foregone conclusions on the result. Some of the best "cupsets", and all on the same weekend as well. Brilliant.

Important weeks

I found out that the tail end of last week included World Book Day, of which I knew nothing at all until Leah told me she’d dressed as a witch to go to the school she works at. A shame, as I’d have plugged it on here to my three regular readers as something I wholeheartedly believe in. The reading of books, that is. Not the dressing-up of schoolteachers in witch-ey finery. I much prefer Wild West Whore or Transylvanian Barmaid as the costume of choice for buxom wenches, though I confess they’re not perhaps very suitable for primary schools.

This week, I’ve just discovered, is National Science and Engineering Week, something else I’d happily support as a non-closeted geek. I found out about it by chance when someone on the ZZ9 mailing list posted details of a decent-looking kids’ chemistry set. The supplier are giving free delivery this week.

I had a Merit one that got very heavily used when I was a nipper. Our old kitchen table had many bubbled rings scorched into the varnish by me putting the little metal boiling pan things onto it right from the Bunsen burner. It seems that Merit and other big names from the time have vanished in a puff of evil, rotten-egg smelling smoke.

Sadly, I have yet to spawn progeny of my own. The closest to a nipper in the family is my little cousin and she’s more of the artistic bent, going to dance classes and learning the piano. The risk of being ostracised from the family has meant I haven’t gone forward with my threat of gifting her a drum kit.

Her young age does mean she could change direction, though. Perhaps by the time she’s 10 she could start to show signs of being a new Marie Curie (without the glow). Then I could get her something which could melt the furniture. Whether this is better or worse than encouraging her to be a miniature Animal, I don’t know.

It’s just a shame that I’ve only just heard about these two weeks, and heard about both of them by luck. I read the BBC and Sky news headlines regularly and there’s not been a sausage about either.

Well, it’s Saturday

So sticking to the football theme, I do know that we’re going to get our gonads handed to us on a platter (or a stolen hubcap) at Liverpool, but all the same a short message to ManUre fans everywhere (except for Manchester for obvious reasons):

haha. Hahaaha. *chuckle* Hee hee hee. HAhAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!

Calm down, Roy

It seems Roy Keane is getting paranoid and saying that referees are deliberately making decisions against Sunderland this season.

That’s because you’re a bunch of fatherless ******* run by one of the biggest ***** in football.

**** off, Roy. There’s a good chap. Go and buy that girl from the Guardian a pint so she’ll suck your cock again.