How exactly is this news?

Emphasis on the "new". Alder Hey Hospital has announced that if parents didn’t smoke around their children, then the number of bronchitis cases (and other smoking-related diseases) would drop.

Now excuse me if I’ve been living in a future world and have just popped back to see how shitty the 21st century actually was… but haven’t we known this for years, just smokers are so ******* selfish they don’t care?

This reminds me of a guy I used to work with. He was my contact at another company and he told me about one of his colleagues with a very poorly daughter. Lovely child, about 10 years old, crippling lung conditions and stunted growth. This chap and his partner went to dinner at the colleague’s house… where said colleague and his wife chain-smoked the entire evening from the moment they arrived to the moment they left.

Despite this, the doctor’s protestations and what is common ******* knowledge in this day and age they point-blank refused to believe that their filthy habit was in any way related to their poor daughter’s debilitated condition.

The selfish, ignorant, backward *****.

I can’t be arsed looking for the post elsewhere on the blog but I’ve said in much these words before: how can it be illegal to slip arsenic and other toxins into your child’s food… yet be completely legal to force them to breathe the same filth when you’re fully aware of the risks?

Yes, I’m a rampant anti-smoker. Yes, perhaps it’s selfish of me to be glad that they now can’t smoke in pubs, clubs and malls in many countries. But how on earth can anyone attempt to justify something that causes nothing but ill health? And worse, not just to themselves but to everyone around them?

We don’t care how religious you are, we still don’t trust you

A news article today tells that the Pope cannot be greeted by Sikhs at an interfaith meeting in the US as part of their ceremonial dress is a small dagger (called a kirpaan). Because obviously they’ll try to gut him in full public view.

It’s simple to figure out why the US security services won’t let them do so. They’re coloured and wear turbans and have beards so they’re all terrorists. I bet they’d not have a problem with a contingent of traditionally-dressed Scots making their way over, armed with nothing but kilts, penises to make any American woman quake and a Sgian Dubhs. As long as they were clean-shaven, bare-headed and didn’t have a strong suntan.

"We apply our security policy consistently and fairly," said some guy in a black suit. Yup – if you’re an A-rab then you’re presumed guilty until someone wraps you in an orange jumpsuit and half-drowns you. And then they find you guilty because you’ll say anything to get the large man in the khakis from stomping on your testicles again.

Packing instructions

Here’s handy. I found this link rather randomly. It’s on the USPS‘s (United States Postal Service) web page and part of their very useful "how to pack different kinds of things for posting" section.

I won’t spoil the surprise. But remember this is a proper corporate web page!

Occasional musing on women

I already had half this post written mentally when I ended up with more to write on it, courtesy of a visit to "Sara"’s remodelled web page. Just a couple of questions about the female half of our species.

Referring to the above-mentioned page… what is it with purple? Why do so many women like it? You’re all supposed to like pink, get it right. Or is there some subtle undercurrent that I’ve stumbled upon?

How does one make purple? By mixing red and blue. But I’ve noticed that women prefer a lighter shade of purple – maybe a mauve. To which you’d add white. Deconstruct that and you have red, white and blue. Red and white = pink. Plus blue. We’re getting somewhere.

You lot are trying to wheedle in on the traditional male colour! And, as usual, you’re doing it in a sneaky "we women know, but let’s not tell the men" way. And with my superior male intellect I have caught you out!

Please don’t kill me.

Second question – what the hell do you lot do with toilet paper? Eat the stuff? Now I’m no stinge in the arse-wiping department but in my flat I can make a standard roll of bog paper last over a month. Seriously. And I promise I don’t deliberately **** in the office to save money.

Yet I have one female guest in the flat and I go through whole roll in two to three days. In common internet parlance: WTF?! What do you do, really? Not all of you need it to pad your bras (Leah for one would be taking the piss if she did…), and I do tend to feed my guests well (Nicola came close to complaining about the volume of pasta served one night) so I do doubt you chow down on it.

I’m picturing women wrapping 2m of paper round their hands before venturing said semi-limb anywhere near their bottom (front or back) for a wipe.

From my viewpoint, I could accept a 2-fold increase in paper usage as there are two areas to wipe compared to the singular male one. I could even excuse a 3-fold one due to its requirement for both forms of excretion. But that still equates to maybe a roll a week maximum compared to my 4-weekly rota of paper usage.

Seriously – what gives? Do you get bored and make paper streamers, then flush them all away afterwards so as not to give the game away? Or write long diary entries on them for copying into your little lockable secret books when you get out? After all, men read on the loo – maybe women write.

Please, put me out of my misery on this one!

Student Loans Company fax details

Hopefully this will gravitate its way to the top of a Google search somewhere as it’s potentially quite useful.

I managed to get hold of someone at Student Loans and they confirmed that it’s also possible to fax details back to them. The number (indeed the option to fax them) isn’t mentioned anywhere on the letter they send out. The fax number I received isn’t on their web page (that I can find) although there are numbers listed which don’t match it.

So, in case it’s of any use, the fax number for sending deferment details back to the Student Loans Company is: 0141 810 1844. Obviously you’ll need the +44 or 0044 country code in front if you’re outside of the UK.