Damp squib or warmup

OK, so after all the hype Keegan’s first game in charge ended in a 0-0 stalemate with Premiership giants, erm… Bolton. Sure, I was hoping for a four-goal towelling of the Wanderers, and a lot of the match predictions I saw were following suit. But there are a few points worth bearing in mind:

1) Our squad is about half-size at the moment due to suspensions, injuries and the Africa Cup of Nations. We only had one first-choice central midfielder to choose from.

2) The guy’s only just taken charge and the players have to get used to new tactics and methods of play. Which leads me on to…

3) Who watched the match and saw us play any long balls forward? Midfield play was almost completely ball-to-feet short- and mid-range passing. Much better to watch and verging on exciting on the few occasions when we didn’t gift possession to a white shirt (incidentally, don’t Bolton’s tops look like relabelled spares from the old England back-catalogue?). The issue is that our squad isn’t used to playing this style so they need training and matches to get into it.

So, yes, the match was disappointing but it definitely showed positive signs of things to come. With £20-30 million to squander before the end of the month, hopefully Keegan will get in some more talented (and likely attack-minded) players!

Oh, for ****’s sake

The News of the World (that reputable piece of **** that any sane person wouldn’t wipe their arse with in case they caught a strange disease) has released a shitty drawing of the man who (allegedly) kidnapped Madelaine McCann. Or maybe they’re just after selling a few more of their turd-rags after interviewing an attention-happy ****-stirrer who happened to stay 600 yard from the McCann’s flat and who needs some more money for next year’s holiday.

Now let’s be fair – the local police have been utterly crap at doing anything so far (at least, so the McCanns have led us to believe), but even so you’d think they’d have interviewed the neighbours before the ******* toilet paper publishers we class as journalists in this country got to them. By now, the person in the pictures would have had a haircut and used the money from selling the child to the child-traffickers in the Middle East to get his buck teeth fixed.

Well done, NotW. You look like a bigger bunch of ***** than usual, dragging this story back into the limelight. Getting desperate, were we?

Protest for the tuk-tuk!

I just sent a mail to Brighton council regarding their insane decision to take Britain’s unique fleet of tuk-tuks off the road. I rode in these vehicles in several countries and the thought of being able to jump back into one makes me genuinely want to go to Brighton. No mean feat, given there’s **** all else there worth bothering with unless you’re retiring.

However, our government and their council are full of pencil-pushing fuckwits who value paperwork and red tape over common ******* sense. By all means, drop them a message. I have:

Hi,

I’m writing regarding recent reports in the press regarding the fate of the “tuk tuk” service being run by an independent contractor.

Firstly, I’ll be honest and say that I have never visited Brighton. However, something that has appealed for a while is the unique fleet of tuk-tuks (or “tuc-tuc”s as the emblem on the front of these vehicles proclaim). I’ve been to many countries which run the vehicles commonly (Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, India and so on) and they’re a great idea.

However, I simply can’t believe that a council can be so narrow-minded as to permit these vehicles to run legally… and then effectively withdraw their license by making it economically infeasible for them to run due to a matter of pathetic red tape – something for which the UK has become justly derided in recent years.

No, wait. I *can* believe it, given the state that my home nation is now in. For crying out loud, open your eyes and realise there’s a lot more out there than stupid safety regulations, bureaucrats, MPs and muppets with nothing better to do with their time than shout down anything that’s remotely “different”.

Give a guy with a new business idea a chance, and let people enjoy their lives without jumping on them like a bunch of politicians with nothing better to do with their lives than spoil everyone else’s.

Yes, I’m annoyed. My whole country is going to the dogs because of pathetic pencil-pushers and lawyers after a fast buck, running after the American example.

Get these vehicles properly licensed and back on the streets before you lose one of the few things that makes Brighton appealing to anyone other than drug-pushers and pensioners.

Yours in disgust at the state of his own country,

Mosh

I so await their reply. If you want to tell them what a bunch of boring, dull, rule-following, red-tape-loving, insensitive, mono-cultural, tax-greedy ***** they are then you can contact them via their contact page (here) or email them direct here.

Thanks.

A couple of quotes

From today’s BBC website live Premiership coverage page. Always a good way to follow the action if you can’t get any other coverage. You know, for stupid reasons like the bloody annoying regional/national licenses the FA insist on persecuting all non-resident Brits with. ********.

Anyway.

“1457: “My Geordie mate here has called his son Kevin Keegan Smith, as he was born the day Keegan was appointed manager again.”
Phil, RAF Waddington, via text”

“1330: And so it came to pass, that the 19th day of the first month in the two thousand and eighth year after Christ, should henceforth be know as Kevin Keegan Day.”

“1339: (See 1330:) “Otherwise known as the holiday of hopeless optimism.”
nogginthenogforever on 606″

“1343: “If Newcastle lose today, Keegan will be on a beach this time next week after getting the sack.”
Jonjo Wood, via text”

“1348: “According to reports, the people of Newcastle are petitioning for Keegan to be put on the back of local coins – one Toon local described the idea as ‘mint’!”
Anonymous, via text”

Personally, I feel like Oz in the last episode of season 1 of Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. Which I would quote directly if ITV.com’s ******* web page would let me view the archive outside of the UK. ********.

Money and the buzz

Just to show the opposite sides of the money scale, have a look at the two following stories which both broke today. In the first, British Gas are raising prices by 15% for their gas and electricity (following on from similar rises from their competitors). This is an enormous pricehike, but one which has been expected. I’m glad I don’t have a house back home any more as that would make a huge dent in my income. At least they’ve left it till after winter, so hopefully at a time when heating can be turned down.

So we’ll have people complaining about the price rise, but when you look at the facts it was inevitable and really doesn’t seem about them trying to make a vast profit – just to make a profit given the narrow margins at present.

So while the public bemoan this rise in price, perhaps they should still realise how bloody lucky they are to live somewhere that has electricity and gas, and that they have jobs where they can re-budget to afford it. Because the other story I’m interested in is the Zimbabwean government issuing $10m notes in a bid to catch up with their 50,000% per annum inflation. Sounds impressive, but one of these notes will convert into £2 in the UK, less than $4 American.

Basically, their money is devaluing quicker than they can print and spend it. You get paid, say, a dollar one day. By the next it’s worthless. They were running out of paper money because people needed so many of the small bills to buy the basics. Zimbabwe has the world’s weakest currency (Vietnam’s Dong is the second-weakest, but at least it’s comparatively stable).

So while the poor and the elderly in the UK may certainly feel the pinch at their utilities going up, do have a thought for those in other countries. The amount your fuel bills are rising is probably enough to feed and cloth someone there for six months.

Onto a slightly happier tone, I have to confess that the Bolton game tomorrow is the first time in months I’ve actually been excited about seeing us play. I was gutted that I couldn’t get a ticket to the Stoke home game the other night. Had I still been in the UK I would have gone.

Keggy Keegle might not be the long-term answer to all Newcastle’s problems, but as an immediate-term signing and a moral-boost for the region I seriously doubt there could have been anyone better. I’ve even shifted my work rota for tomorrow so I can make it to the pub to see the match.

Most predictions are, predictably, going for a goal-fest and the majority of those in our favour. I hope that’s the case, but you know what? With King Kev back in charge I at least expect to be entertained and that’s something we’ve been missing for far too long.