Trick or treat!

Ghostly pumpkin
Ghostly pumpkin

******* trick, ya ****!

Things work differently in Scotland to the craphole estates in England that I got used to over the last few years. In England, “trick or treat” translates as “give me some sweets or cash or I’ll **** through your letterbox and kill your cat”. In Scotland, it boils down to “let me tell you a joke, do a dance or in some way entertain you in return for which I expect some sweets”.

Annoyingly, I got hoards of the scrounging ******* in England (including one daft **** who turned up around October 10th, dressed in an authentic-looking “young chav” costume), but never see them in Scotland where I think the kids would be much cuter and deserving of free stuff.

At least there doesn’t seem to be a huge line in “Happy Hallowe’en” cards as has infested the United States in recent years. Sure, they exist, but they’re not commonplace. Anyone buying one for me would find their face rapidly resembling a carved pumpkin. A month after Hallowe’en. Only with more blood and knife-holes.

Is it too early in the year for me to be saying “Bah, humbug”?

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LOLCODE – satisfying my inner geek

One for the sadder elements of my readership, this one. LOLCODE is a new-ish programming language that – amazingly – seems to be genuine. I came across it on Elliott C. Back‘s rather good blog where he has a couple of examples.

For those really interested, the specification for the current version (1.2) is available from the official LOLCODE site. I really can’t believe this is serious but when you take a good look, it’s really BASIC for people who insist on using that moronic “1337” speak. And what’s even more sad is that it makes some kind of sense to me when I look through it…

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Which school?

Many of you know which school I went to and why I hated it. I actually got in touch with my old primary school before I started the Walk to see if they’d be interested in getting the kids involved. Sadly, they didn’t respond but my mum asked why I didnn’t contact the RGS and ask them as well.

Simple. If they picked up on it, they’d use it as advertising. I was doing something good and worthwhile. I don’t want that associated with the RGS.

The day I get arrested for armed robbery, while high on coke and with a dead, eviscerated, buggered nun in my car is the day I want the newspapers to mention in every column that I used to go to that shithole.