Dragon tattoos, Phillip Morris and bounty hunters

I Love You Phillip Morris
Jim Carry does not have a dragon tattoo

Due to a timetabling cockup I ended up going into town earlier than anticipated. And then due to a very fortunate piece of scheduling I managed to cram in three films rather than just the one I’d intended. Thus Män som hatar kvinnor (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo), I Love You Phillip Morris and The Bounty Hunter all in one afternoon/evening.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Plot-in-a-nutshell: A journalist is tasked with finding a girl, missing for fifty years and on the way discovers a far murkier history to the story

I had absolutely no idea what to expect from this film. At all. I’d not seen a trailer and the only review I’d heard was part of one on Radio 5 a week or so ago where I was warned about the violent nature of the sex scenes. All I knew was that it was based on a novel and it was in Swedish. Thankfully with subtitles.

The lack of forewarning is always good when seeing a film based on a novel, Swedish or not. Mainly as it’s very rare for those who’re read the book to enjoy the film. I’ve still yet to meet anyone who’d read The Lovely Bones or The Time Traveller’s Wife also recommend the film afterwards. Such is, I gather, the case with TGWTDT.

This is a shame as it’s not bad. It’s long – almost 2 1/2 hours – but it rarely seems to drag. The pace is a little slow to start, but once the additional depth is added and the characters are explored it all moves along nicely.

Michael Nyqvist plays the journalist, Michael Blomkvist, and Noomi Rapace takes on the role of Lisbeth Salander, the titular Girl. The one thing that surprised me was that very little was made of the tattoo itself. She does have one. You see it. That’s it.

It’s her character that’s the most intriguing, though, even more-so than that of the missing girl. She’s damaged, under guardianship… but we don’t know how or why. This thread runs from almost the beginning of the film until almost the end.

Some of the sex scenes are indeed brutal. There are only two to really watch out for and they’re not hugely graphic, just unpleasant. A few people did leave the cinema but not during or immediately after either of these, which seemed strange.

It is a long film, and it’s not exciting as most Hollywood-made thrillers and mysteries have to be. There are maybe a couple of adrenaline-pumping moments in it. The rest is slow, methodical, thoughtful and captivating.

If you like a film that makes you think and don’t mind sitting around for long then this is worth the effort. On the other hand, if you need a shooting or a car chase every thirty minutes then definitely look elsewhere.

I Love You, Phillip Morris

“It’s really expensive being gay”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Great husband Steven Russell (Jim Carrey) decides to stop living a lie and come out of the closet… and jumps into debt, resorts to fraud and lands in jail where he meets the real love of his life – Phillip Morris (Ewan McGregor)

Amazingly based on a true story (how closely based, I’m happy not knowing), this is a great story with some equally impressive performances from all those involved. Narrated by Russell, we hear about his beginnings as a wonderful family man before a car accident makes him realise that life’s too short to live a lie.

You do need to be pretty open-minded to watch this film. There are some overtly (homo)sexual sequences that some may be uncomfortable watching and there’s a fair bit of strong language. However, this is all balanced with some genuinely funny moments and great dialogue.

Russell simply lets his life run away with him and doesn’t realise what he’s doing half the time. He just happens to be good at it so he runs with it. McGregor is excellent as Morris and the pairing of the two just works.

There is a near-twist at the end that works up well and I confess I wasn’t expecting it – though I’m sure half of the cinema was. I shall say no more in case I spoil it!

Not the best film ever, and there are more insightful commentaries on the issue of gays in society (Philadelphia still has to hold the award for that) but it’s simply enjoyable as it doesn’t pull any punches about its subject matter.

The Bounty Hunter

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Milo (Gerard Butler) is a bounty hunter who has to bring his ex-wife Nicole (Jennifer Aniston) in for skipping bail – hilarity is supposed to ensue.

Seen the trailer for this film? Then you’ve seen all the good bits. Like Ms Anniston, it’s got a couple of good parts but the rest is all filler.

The funny parts are genuinely funny, but they’re few and far between. The central section where the couple start to get all mushy over each other again is just slow and painful. The ending, though, isn’t bad.

Basically, it’s a bit of a mess. I’d happily recommend maybe half of it. Unfortunately, without providing you with a timetable of when you can walk out of the cinema and come back in it would be hard to miss the dross.

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Where are the ASBOs when you need them?

This is insane: Loud sex ASBO woman back on the job

I had a chav neighbour for months who had music on until 4 or 5am (in between the screams from his pregnant girlfriend as he beat her). His friends routinely walked into my garden and on one occasion I caught one peeing on my back door. Nothing was done. At all. Police came out, told him off and left again. At which point the stereo went back on.

This woman makes 10 mins of natural noise once in a while and is facing jail. Will someone explain why she’s “worse” than the chav?

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Alice, Girlfriends and Green Zone

I didn’t quite manage four films yesterday – the scheduling was slightly out around 4pm so I couldn’t fit the extra one in – but I still caught Tim Burton‘s Alice in Wonderland 3D, My Last Five Girlfriends and Green Zone.

Alice in Wonderland – 3D

“Off with their heads!!!”

Plot-in-a-nutshell – girl falls down hole into bonkers world.

Of course, everyone knows of the original Lewis Carroll stories and the old Disney animated version for many moons ago. It does seem the ideal environment for Tim Burton to let his insane mind run riot. Talking rabbits, animated playing cards, scary creatures… all very dark and scary.

Only it simply doesn’t work, partly due to the story being a bit weak. There’s no denying the visuals are superb – the Cheshire Cat is particularly well done – but the story just doesn’t back it up. Even the usually dependable Johnny Depp fails to bring much life to this film.

Thing is, we’ve seen Johnny Depp in a top hat being mad before. It was called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I’ve not seen that one but I hope it’s better than this mess. There’s just no real “grab” to this film. I wasn’t interested after the opening and the move from real world to fantasy.

Mia Wasikowska is OK as Alice, but nothing special. Helena Bonham Carter just tries to to her impression of Miranda Richardson from Blackadder II, lisp included.

The 3D didn’t add anything either. One of the trailers which was also in 3D engaged me more than any of the film.

Sorry, despite all the publicity and so forth – “miss”.

My Last Five Girlfriends

Plot-in-a-nutshell: A man contemplates suicide after five failed relationships.

This is a rather quirky little number, with some very imaginative sequences. A mixture of film, animation, special effects and so forth it has a slightly disjointed and dreamlike quality but it’s very imaginative and holds the attention. Otherwise it’s not a hugely original story, but the way it’s told really makes it.

Brendan Patricks plays Duncan, the central character. He narrates as well as plays the central character and the dialogue is quite chatty and lighthearted. Anyone who’s been through relationships will be able to relate to at least a few of the situations – do you lie about how bad those shoes she bought really are? How do you tell someone you love them? What is your reaction when you find out your partner’s been seeing someone else?

I wasn’t really sure what to expect an the film is just a little off-kilter in how it’s told. While I got bored of the bizarre scenes of Alice (above), I quite liked the way it had been weaved into Five Girlfriends. More of a narrative tool than reason for the whole narrative in the first place.

Probably not for everyone but I enjoyed it.

Green Zone

Plot-in-a-nutshell: America invades Iraq to oust Saddam Hussein and destroy his weapons of mass destruction… didn’t it?

Matt Damon returns as Action Man in a new thriller giving him a break from the Bourne films. This does make a change from that series, though it’s directed by the same guy. Fast-paced action films, some good tense moment and a fairly political plot that certainly won’t please the last Bush administration. Which is another plus point.

Damon plays “Chief” Miller, a unit leader who’d getting more than just a little upset about his team wasting time, energy and lives in the attempt to find seemingly non-existent WMD. The story progresses into a CIA v FBI thriller with some incredibly well-filmed scenes in the streets of downtown Baghdad (well, Morocco, but it does a good impression).

The story does twist a little, though the ending doesn’t come as a huge shock. However, the journey there is an enjoyable one. Constantly tense and very well filmed, it’s dirty, messy and mirrors the scenes of Baghdad we saw on the news those years ago very well indeed.

While certainly not a classic, it’s a very good contemporary war film which is definitely worth a couple of hours of your time.

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National Express – thank you

A Scania K124 EB Irizar of National Express si...
A good response from NE

To follow on from my earlier post, I spoke to my mum last night and a letter/cheque arrived from National Express with a full refund. I was about to get all shirt with them as they never replied to my emails!

I can’t complain, I suppose. Again, they were acting within their terms and conditions but as an act of good faith to a whinging old fart they’ve done well.

So – thank you National Express.

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Today’s first

Today I carried my first coffin.

Today I said a final goodbye to the first of my two grandmothers.

There was a great turnout for the funeral. Lovely to see so many members of the family who I so rarely encounter. As my gran requested, there was nothing overboard or ostentatious. Just a nice church service, a few words from a minister and a pleasant late lunch for the 60-or-so who turned up.

I overheard my little cousin asking her mum, “Is that granny gone now?”

Yes, Louise. She is. And the world’s that little bit less bright as a result.

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