Author: Mosh

Lovely Bones, Crazies and Crazy Heart

Cover of "The Crazies"
The Crazies - 1973 version

Bringing me up to seven films for the weekend (it’s a wonder I get any coursework done), I added The Lovely Bones, The Crazies and Crazy Heart to the “watched” list today.

The Lovely Bones

“As usual, Grandma Lynn was wrong.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: A young girl is murdered but tries to help her friends and family find her killer.

The reviews I’ve seen of this to date seem to be “it’s rubbish” from those who’ve read the book and “it’s good” from those who haven’t. I’ve not and it’s OK. Don’t expect me to be able to compare against something I’ve not read.

There are some good performances, but top of the list has to be Stanley Tucci as the child killer. He’s suitably creepy without being over the top. Mark Wahlberg as the father puts on a good show and Saoirse Ronan is impressive as Susie Salmon, the central character. Nods to Susan Sarandon as the drunken chain-smoking grandmother.

Once Susie is killed an enters into a fantasy purgatory, it doesn’t take long for Peter Jackson‘s influence to show. Anyone who’s seen his superb (and frankly, superior) Heavenly Creatures will recognise the way fantasy elements have been mixed in with real life.

The problem is that the story doesn’t need all of this and especially towards the end, everything starts to seem so drawn out. It’s art for art’s sake in places and the running length could be fifteen minutes less if the waffle was cut out.

Simply put, an enjoyable film but very self-involved.

The Crazies

“We’re in trouble.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Plane crash releases a chemical weapon that sends people kill-crazy. Cue gore.

This is a remake of the 1973 original with the same title. That one was directed by George A. Romero who has stepped back to production duties on this effort. I didn’t realise either of these facts until after I’d seen the film but it is very similar to his zombie movies so it doesn’t surprise me to find out he’s involved.

I’ve not heard of any of the cast before which does help in that I had less of an idea of who was going to get killed. Of course, given the roles they play it doesn’t take long until you narrow it down and know who’s going to make it through to the end.

The gore is fairly plentiful and the corpses pile up quickly. There’s a whiff of government/army intrigue making the film some kind of cross between Dawn of the Dead and 1995’s Outbreak. It is rather by-the-numbers, but the jumps and “eeeeew” moments are plentiful which is what you pay for when you go and see a film like this.

Don’t expect too much and you won’t be disappointed. And I did like the ending!

Crazy Heart

“Ain’t rememberin’ wonderful?”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: A couple of years in the life of a downtrodden, drunk, chain-smoking, divorced (of course) country & western singer.

Jeff Bridges has been winning plaudits for his performance of Bad Blake, the central character in this run-of-the-mill drama. He deserves them, playing the part well, but doesn’t raise the film up above the average.

My main problem with Crazy Heart was that there weren’t any real surprises. “Bad” is a stereotype. The events that occur come as little or no surprise. The ending is as predictable as it comes.

Still, it’s a nice enough ride to get there and the dialogue is sharp in places. There are also some lovely lines in there. It’s a shame that such good wordplay and impressive performances are hanging off a story that twists and turns like the edge of a ruler.

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Angels, artists, adultery and (secret) agents

From Paris with Love (film)
From Paris with Love

A busy day at the cinema today as I played catchup on some films. Four in all – Legion, Exit Through the Gift Shop, Chloe and From Paris With Love. Three more tomorrow if I can fit them all in, too.

Legion

“Don’t be afraid. I just want to play with the baby.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: God’s a bit bored with humanity so decides to wipe it out – but one angel stands in his way.

Legion is fine a simple B-movie kind of way. Paul Bettany is about as far away from his verbose Chaucer (A Knight’s Tale) as could be while still managing to be cool and rather scary as a fallen Michael.

The entire film, near as dammit, takes place in a diner in the middle of nowhere where a pregnant woman holds the fate of humanity in her womb. Why, we don’t know. Just that if her child survives then God is a bit screwed in his attempts to wipe our humanity.

Actually, virtually nothing is made clear over the length of the film. If God sent a flood the last time he got pissed off, why is he sticking to vulnerable possessed human bodies this time?

Basically, the whole film makes about as much sense as the British legal system. Luckily it manages to be slightly more entertaining. Not bad if you switch your brain into neutral.

Exit Through the Gift Shop

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Mad video cameraman becomes mad artist

Rhys Ifans narrates this rather unusual documentary about a documentary about street art. The central character is one Thierry Guetta – who goes on to become Mr Brainwash, an artist who takes his inspiration from street art and makes a mint. He did the cover art for Madonna’s Great Hits a couple of years ago, doncha know.

Guetta begins as a compulsive cameraman with thousands of hours of footage of street artists at work. This he gains by telling them he’s filming a documentary. Which never existed. Frankly, the guy’s a nutter – but one who takes gambles that seem to pay off.

The film follows his adventures in getting this footage and then his own leap into the world of art.

Star of the show, though, is Banksy who Guetta befriended. As well as being quite a talented and controversial artist, the man has the most perfect comic timing. I think pretty much every one of his lines raised a laugh in the audience.

Not your normal cinema fare, but a very watchable documentary on a fairly contentious subject.

Chloe

Plot-in-a-nutshell: A woman suspects her husband of infidelity and hires a prostitute to see if he really is straying. With disastrous consequences.

I’ve never seen Fatal Attraction but I have a feeling this has pinched a bit from the basic plotline. Catherine (Julianne Moore) has an inkling that that her hubby (Liam Neeson) is cheating on her when he “misses a flight” home from work one weekend. In a bid to test him she hires a prostitute, Chloe (a very hot Amanda Seyfried), to approach him and see if he is prepared to stray.

Of course, it gets complicated.

Now it’s fairly predictable even if the acting’s OK. And the ending is a little bit of an “easy out”. But at least there’s a rather hot sex scene which did keep me awake for a minute or two. Hey, I have two little dogs sleeping in my bedroom at the minute. One of them snores and they both wake up at 6:30am.

This isn’t a classic but I’ve seen worse films of this type.

From Paris With Love

“Now tell me that’s not some impressive ****.”

Plot-in-a-nutshell: government worker gets dragged into “proper” secret agent work with his new less-than-mild-mannered partner.

Remember when you first saw Lethal Weapon? They way your straight-laced police officer partnered so well with a psycho? That magic is actually back (unlike the attempt they made with LW4) with John Travolta‘s latest effort.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers is James Reece, a diplomatic aide with aspirations to become a “proper” agent. His chance comes with the arrival of Wax (Travolta) on the trail of some drug pedlars and terrorists. Oh, and it’s set in Paris hence the title. And the nice scenery. And the excellent car chases.

Yes, I have decided that the best car chase scenes all seem to be in European films. Sure, the American ones are bigger but can you top the class of the likes of The Transporter, Ronin or The Italian Job (original version)? Trust me, you can’t. It’s my blog and I’m right.

Travolta is both utterly mad and incredibly cool. He swears a lot. He fires big guns. A lot. And he kicks much ass. While swearing. Profusely.

From Paris is the best kind of buddy/buddy action film. Utterly over the top, pretty violent, action packed, stereotype bad guys, throwaway lines and cracking dialogue. Oh, and a great reference to Pulp Fiction. Just as an extra.

Perfect popcorn viewing.

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Crime and lack of punishment

Jail Cell
Not for real criminals

I happened to read two stories in the news yesterday. Each annoyed the hell out of me. Combined, they made my blood boil.

First up, a piece of Neanderthal scum who drove a car at high-speed in a chase with police. During this chase, he drove at insane speeds on the wrong side of the road with no lights on. He damaged police and private property. He killed one police dog (well, broke it’s back so that it had to be put down). He injured two police officers. Oh, and of course the car was stolen.

He was sentenced to two years… suspended. And 200 hours unpaid work that he undoubtedly won’t do, a curfew he won’t stick to and a driving ban that’s irrelevant as I’d be amazed if he had a license anyway.

Criminal number two is a radio producer (or more likely was) who enjoyed a bit of a fling with a few of his work colleagues. Thing is, he had a couple of cameras set up to record the fun that he didn’t tell his otherwise willing partners about.

When his girlfriend moved in (the story’s not clear as to whether he was seeing her during the flings or after), he dismantled everything and stuck it all in a box in the loft. Note that he didn’t blackmail anyone, shove the pics on the internet, sell the stories to the tabloids or anything. Nobody was hurt. Nobody knew.

Until his other half found them in the loft. And told one of the “victims”.

Now understandably she was a little shocked and upset. But to go running to the police over it and somehow getting him convicted on criminal charges – not civil seems a bit harsh.

Wait, did I say “convicted”? Yes, I did. 8 months. In jail.

Contrast and compare – have no regard for people’s property, safety and lives; kill a serving police dog; cause actual bodily harm… and walk out a “free” man. Be a bit of perv who keeps mementoes of private events which remain private… and get shoved in jail.

Can anyone please tell me in what way, shape or form this makes any sense at all?

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The front fell off

Do note that this isn’t a genuine political interview, in case you get an email claiming it is. It’s a skit from a 1991 Australian TV show which I gather a lot of Aussies will recognise. The comedians involved are John Clarke and Bryan Dawe. Very funny indeed!

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National Express – adding insult to injury

National Express SC13 FN07BYW
"Flight delayed, sir? £5, please."

[note – issue resolved in a very positive manner. Details here]

I had some fun and games getting down to Norwich on Friday (which will be detailed on another blog shortly), mainly due to French air traffic controllers being complete arses. Please, if you happen to know where one of these ignorant sods lives, please let down all of his tyres and see how he likes being delayed.

National Express assed to my misery somewhat by “fining” me for being on a delayed flight… and then allowed people who hadn’t changed their tickets onto the later coach for free. That isn’t on. Hence the following letter. Let’s see what I get back.

I booked a return from Stansted Airport to Norwich online a couple of days before travel. Unfortunately due to French air traffic controllers, my plane from Glasgow was delayed by three hours. I called your helpline who told me it was £5 to change my ticket to a later bus which I duly paid by debit card.

However, when I got to Stansted I found that several other people had fallen foul of the same delay and were boarding the bus happily without a changed ticket.

Given that this delay was due to matters outside of our control I felt that this was a nice gesture by your driver. However, I feel aggrieved at being charged £5 as I went through the “correct” channels. After a long delay (with no food due to EasyJet never being adequately informative about when the plane was actually going to turn up) this really added insult to an injurious evening.

Incidentally, your call centre staff and website also mistakenly listed my arrival time in Norwich as 02:40 when the bus arrived at 02:00 – which seems correct judging by the timings of earlier schedules. As a result, I ended up waiting in the freezing cold of the bus station for ages to be collected by a friend who’d expected me to turn up 40 minutes later.

I’m going easy on them as, in fairness, my ticket change and fee were within the sale conditions. I just feel “punished” for going through the correct motions to change the ticket when those who didn’t/couldn’t were given a freebie.

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