Author: Mosh

Good news and good parody

With every bit of news, there’s a flip-side. Thank **** that I’m not in the depths of depression I was four years ago when that **** Bush got another four years. Thank you, thank you the people of America (well, most of you) for voting for change. In fact, for many, voting for a change. Biggest turn out in a gajillion years, it seems.

You have to wonder how things had to get so bad for there to be such a turnout. Or was it simply that the person running against what was effectively Bush Mark 3 (and a psychotic headcase from Alaska) was just so different compared to previous nominees? Young, intelligent, not afraid to rail against the current system and – oh, yes – coloured.

Note, not black. He’s of “mixed race/parentage” yet of course he’ll be billed as being black. Why? Surely he’s half black and half white. As someone mentioned on their blog (sorry – Ive read so many today, I forgot who), how can you decide he’s black? If he had one great great great great great grandparent who was coloured and the rest of his family were all white would that still make him black? Where’s the dividing line? 25%? 12.5%?

And then there’s the simple fact of relevance. As a personal opinion, had I been a US citizen this past week he’d have had my vote regardless of whether he’d been black, white, short, tall, male, female or anywhere in between – as long as his personality and policies were the same. Sad thing is, there will be people who voted either for or against him based purely on his skin colour.

Anyway, it’s a happy time. The Bush ****-up will shortly be at an end (unless he opts to use the next 2 months to change the rules or declare war on Russia to make Sarah Palin happy) and hopefully the US will become a more respected nation.

In the meantime, click the link at the top for a giggle. And no, it’s not offensive. Unless you’re a Daily Mail reader. In which case, **** off.

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You’re too stupid to own a cat

NEW YORK - OCTOBER 15: Jay Jay, an Iams trai...

At least that’s the UK government‘s assumption as they release a 26-page waste of paper (or web space) telling people how to look after one.

It includes such madness as having one litter tray per animal. And providing “somewhere for them to go to the toilet”. It’s called the ******* outdoors, you ******. Sorry, but I don’t go for the “house/indoor cat” thing. If you live in a concrete jungle, get a hamster.

I am so glad I don’t pay tax because I’d feel like a ******* 912-scammer victim if I had helped pay for this ****. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for making sure animals have a good life. I like them more than I like a lot of humans. But 26 page on how not to be a fuckeit? Insane.

Now I know why we pay so much tax. It’s so morons like the handful that came up with this trip have jobs. Can’t they do something useful? Like pick up dog **** from the streets?

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Dear OFCOM

Jeremy Clarkson is at the centre of another of these ridiculous complaint messes after some comment on Top Gear last week about truck drivers murdering prostitutes (links to the news below). Thank **** the morons who complained don’t read Viz – they have a semi-regular strip about a prozzie-killing trucker.

Being me, I dropped a mail to OFCOM begging them not to persecute the average broadcaster/viewer for the views of a tiny percentage of the populace:

Just for a change – a complaint about a complaint. Or 180 of them according to the news.

Will you please do the HUGE majority of the viewing public a favour and tell the idiots who complained about Clarkson’s “prostitute murdering” comment to get a life and a sense of humour? Kindly ignore them. If people like that take over the world we won’t be able to laugh at anything and the planet will be an incredibly dull place to be.

Frankly, I think if I had dinner with Mr Clarkson I’d want to punch him in the face by the end of it – simply as he’s even more opinionated that I am and a dedicated smoker. But he’s entitled to that opinion, and he’s also bl**dy funny.

I also note that less than 200 people complained to you post-broadcast (before the bandwagon jumpers checked out the show so they could have something to winge about – are they all descendants of Mrs Whitehouse?). Given the viewing figures being upwards of 2 million, this gives us a generous percentage of 0.01% who claim to be offended. Should we really be deprived of a good presenter on a good show simply because a small number of people got out of bed on the wrong side on Sunday?

As for this nonsense about the comment being made on the anniversary (or near to it) of some murders… good grief. As if Clarkson/the Beeb did that on purpose.

I’m begging you, stop pandering to these idiots. The grannies with nothing better to do that complained about Ross and the other guy – the one who thinks he’s funny – should stick to watching Alan Titchmarsh.

If people don’t like something… don’t watch. Clarkson will always be near the knuckle. Did these same people complain about his stereotyping of the Germans in the last series? I doubt it. Why not? Because that was funny to them.

Humour is a matter of opinion and you have to take into account that one person being offended for 100,000 who aren’t isn’t worth considering. The sooner the viewing/listening public susses that out and gets on with their own lives, the better. Nothing gets a show cancelled quicker than bad figures. If 1 person in 100,000 stops watching, who cares?

I don’t envy your job. But please – stop giving so much credence to idiots with too much time on their hands. And kindly don’t point out that I’ve just become one of them!

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Obligatory US election post

John McCain Bush 2008

Nothing through resultwise yet, but still I’m sat here at around midnight French time with buttocks clenched like a virginal choirboy‘s arse awaiting the first results. I know it’s not my country, but we have to worry about this.

You have two candidates who could walk away with it: a (half-)black guy that a good proportion of the country hates on the basis that he’s only good for picking cotton. And worse, he’s far smarter than they are. Unforgivable. And an aging warhorse (who’s running mate is, frankly, insane) who’ll just kill us all quicker as he follows in Bush‘s madness. Worse is he also seems smart enough to know what he’s doing but insane enough not to care. So kind of like Dubya, but with brains. Except for the bit where he lost the plot completely and picked one of the most mentally deficient women in the world as his running mate.

Thing is, I hang on in hope that something miraculous will happen. And then I remember what happened four years ago. When the ******* idiots over the Pond decided to put an unbred retard back in charge after four years of utter lunacy.

While I appreciate that the results of that election (and his first) were dodgy at best and illegal at worst, the fact that enough people voted for the daft **** to make the decision borderline is – frankly – scary.

Amaricans, please, save my sanity. It’s around the end of the working day out there and I know that means a lot of you will be popping by the polling station on the way home. Please, I beg you, save us all from another four years of complete madness led by the oil corporations. And worse, the possibility of Sarah Palin (porn star) running the free world if McCain carks it.

Remember that a lot of the world hates you. Well, not you personally, but the image if you portrayed by the fuckwit you’ve had as head of state for the last 8 years. And think that the slightest margin could have that legacy continued in the form of McCain/Palin.

I like Americans. I’ve met loads of you. You’ve got a great country.

Please don’t let us continue to think you’re all stupid, inbred, racist, greedy ********. Vote for the black(ish) guy. Give it four years. If it doesn’t work out, he’s not got long enough to **** it all up. We gave our lot 12 years to destroy our country and piss all over our national identity.

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