Category: Entertainment

Red Cliff

Red Cliff (film)
Red Cliff

First up, Red Cliff is quite simply beautiful. Imagine a cross between Saving Private Ryan and Lord of the Rings but set in ancient China. This release is a 2½-hour contraction of the two separate films released in Asia, but feels like 1½ hours when you’re watching it. I have the original versions kicking about and will watch them but, really, you have to see this on a large screen. The biggest travesty is the lack of an IMAX version.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Read Records of the Three Kingdoms if you have a year or two to spare. If not… the Chinese Emperor reluctantly agrees to send troops into the south to put down warlords who some political types think are being a little too powerful.

The reasoning behind the shortened western release is that the plot features quite a few characters, many of whom the Chinese are brought up to know about. As such, the story is easier to follow than it would be for those who haven’t heard the basis of the story before. I have to admit that at points I was a little lost simply as some of the cast look the same. Yes, I know – “all Chinese people look identical blah blah racist blah”, but it does take a while to get your heard round the quick introduction to all the cast.

It’s not going to be to everyone’s taste, I admit. It is slightly arty in places and it does use wirework, which generally I’m not keen on. In this case it’s not overused and adds to the scenes in which it’s used rather than being the centrepiece (as in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). The story is well-paced and interesting with a couple of moments that make you smile as the “good guys” get one over the evil empire.  OK, that makes it sound like Star Wars.

However, what the film is all about is the action. The scenery. The grand scale. The costumes. Just settle back and let your eyes feast. John Woo has made some more than decent films in the past, but Red Cliff just shoves them all to one side. It is, quite simply, magnificent.

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Cheap recipe: stew

Beef Stew
Unmashed - mine's easier on the teeth

Another one of my dodgy recipes following on from the fairly popular “best chicken burgers ever“. This is another based around four simple provisos:

  1. Cheap
  2. Fairly healthy
  3. Little effort involved in preparation
  4. Hardly any washing up involved

So it’s ideal for students, skinflints and blokes.

First up, ingredients:

  • Stewing steak (“real” or tinned)
  • Peas
  • Carrots
  • Potatoes
  • HP Sauce
  • Salt
  • Other veg, spices, sauces to taste – your preference

The recipe is pretty simple. Heat everything up. If you’re using “real” stewing steak you’ll need to get it going quite some time beforehand – one reason I tend to use the tinned stuff. So have this to hand, whichever version you’ve chosen.

Get a huge pot. Something about 6″-8″ deep. Fill it about half or so with hot water, and drop in a palmful of salt. This adds flavour and gets the water boiling faster. Chop the potatoes into thick slices or chips (don’t peel them, but do wash the dirt off if necessary) and drop them in. Do the same with the carrots.

Those vegetables go in first as they take some time to boil to the point where they soften. Keep checking them until they’ve gone past “crunchy” and start entering “firm”. Drop the meat in at this point.

After a minute or so, you’ll be able to skim any excess fat off the top of the boiling water. Remove it and ditch it – told you this was healthy.

Finally, add the peas. These cook quite quickly. If you’ve got them in a tin, just throw the juice in as well. It lowers the temperature of the water, but adds flavour.

We’re getting to the fun bit. I hope you have a potato masher handy (the one you use for cooking, not the old German stick grenade), because once everything’s nice and soft, you’re going to pour off a little of the water (or filter it out using a sieve)  then pummel the hell out of the contents of the pan. Squish everything. All of it. Mashy-mashy.

Make sure you’ve got all the water out by pouring what’s left through a sieve if you’ve not already done this. Get a large plate and plop the resulting mush onto it.

Cover it in HP Sauce. I usually use about a third to a half of a bottle. Mush it all up.

Eat.

Looks awful, tastes awesome.

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The Hangover

The Hangover
The Hangover

So far I’ve not read or heard a bad review of this film, and having seen it I’m not surprised. One thing I would recommend is to avoid the trailer if you can. There are loads of laughs in here, and it takes the edge off if you’ve seen them before.

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Four guys go for a stag night in Las Vegas. And then wake up the next morning without the husband-to-be…

The Hangover has a great script, starting at the beginning, jumping a few hours and leaving you guessing as much as the main characters as to what’s happened. Each bizarre thing they did the night before is revealed perfectly and nothing is so outlandish that you can’t believe it could happen. In fact I’m sure most of them have happened to someone at some point and probably reported in the little funny stories in the newspapers.

We don’t see too much of the groom in the film (well, the fact he goes missing is central to the plot), but the three main protagonists are a very good mixed bunch. Different from each other without going off the deep end of believability.

We have a somewhat mad but somehow gifted child in a man’s body. A suave ladies’ man. A geek with an overbearing girlfriend. They play off each other so well and the scenes see them go through every emotion you can conceive without once seeming unrealistic.

And there’s a key word: believability. That’s what’s key about this film. As much as insane things happen (or happened), as bonkers as it all may seem, it doesn’t quite let go of the fact that this could maybe, perhaps, just happen.

Is this “the comedy of the year”? I don’t know – it’s only June and I’m not some tosser who writes for The Sun and proclaims anything that makes him chortle the funniest thing in the world. However, it is very funny and also a great story. Don’t miss it.

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Confession

A picture of the TARDIS as taken at BBC Wales ...
Pic taken by Wongy. I'll never heard the end of this.

OK, it’s time to ‘fess up. I’m kind of embarassed about this and only one other person knows. They caught me at it, so it was quite hard to deny. Mind, she does it as well so at least I have someone else to feel guilty with.

I feel pretty bad about it, but I’m even doing it while I type this blog up. Thankfully there’s nobody else in, right now. Hopefully I’ve got some more “me time” before I get caught again.

*sigh*

OK. I’m sat in the front room and watching Doctor Who. I’m halfway through the second (recent) series and I’ve only been playing catchup for a couple of days.

There. That’s a weight off my mind. Please don’t think the worse of me for it. I’m sorry.

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Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation
Terminator Salvation

At last I got to see Terminator Salvation after the evil North Americans got it a whole half week before the civilised world (jealous, me?). I’d read a fair few negative reviews both from across the Pond and from here in Blighty. So how did I, Joe Public, react?

Plot-in-a-nutshell: Judgement Day has come and gone, as detailed at the end of Terminator 3. We join the story as John Connor (Christian Bale this time) is working his way up through the ranks of the resistance, but not before a little scene-setting…

Unlike the trailer, which gives away one of the only plot twists in the film, I’ll try to keep this review spoiler-free. The expected character list is present and correct, carrying on from the previous film. Connor is now married to Kate (played by the impossibly well-coifed Bryce Dallas Howard – seriously, where would she get lipstick post-apocalypse?) who is a doctor. Makes sense given her veterinary background. She’s also heavily pregnant though this isn’t even mentioned during the movie. Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin, who also plays Chekov in this summer’s new Star Trek film) is elsewhere and still a teenager, not the fully-fledged soldier we encounter in the first Terminator movie.

The major new character is Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), a convicted murderer (before Judgement Day) who finds himself dumped into the middle of the action. He’s a nice new addition to the Terminator canon.

No surprises, it’s an effect-fest which makes the most of the improvements in special effects since the old days of Stan Winston (who the film is kindly dedicated to). It all fits together well. McG carries the sense of motion he filled the two Charlie’s Angels films with, only transfers the setting into the Fallout-esque scenery of 2018. The action scenes are fast, frenetic and far superior to the epileptic mess that was Quantum of Solace. It is possible to film a chase scene without the camera changing viewpoint every 0.83 seconds.

Yeah, there are gaping plot-holes even though there is no time travel involved. Sure, it’s somewhat predictable (name me a film that isn’t these days). But who cares? It’s a ride. And an impressive one.

Honestly, I don’t think Cameron would have done a better job. McG isn’t a bad director judging by his action film pedigree and I think Terminator 5 – whatever it ends up being called – is in good hands.

Note that the story follows on fairly well from the last film, but pretty much ignores the Sarah Connor Chronicles TV show. This isn’t surprising, though it does seem to be what’s lead to most of the unfavourable reviews elsewhere. A lot of people sound like they’d have preferred another series of that than a fourth motion picture. I’m greedy – I want both.

At least the cancellation of the former has been offset with a very enjoyable latter. Just don’t try too hard with the plot and you’ll have a great time.

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