Category: News

We’re all going to die

Operation Castle, ROMEO Event - The 11-megaton...

No, not another LHC post – there have been enough of them over the last week or so. Besides, they’re not due to kill us until later this year.

If they don’t manage it, then whoever takes over the US come January may well have a shot themselves. Sarah Palin, the mental case that’s running alongside old crock McCain in the US elections, has declared that the US may have to declare war against Russia.

Hang on, didn’t several presidents over the course of the 50’s to the 90’s work their arses off to ensure this didn’t happen, mainly as it would likely bring about the deaths of… well… everyone? Or is this just a chance to grab the “Commie-hater” vote? I mean, for ****’s sake. I’ve not commented too much on this woman but suffice to say if she was on fire I’d erect a big piss-proof barrier around her so nobody could put her out.

Anyone who’ll force their insane religious views on the education system and their own teenage daughter (despite the fact it’s going to destroy that girl’s life) is bad enough. But one who’s happy to start World War III over a situation that has precisely **** all to do with the United States would be better off ushered back into her room with the comfy walls and left to drool in peace.

“Let’s play Global Thermonuclear War…”

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Advice for criminals

Are you a thieving scrote? A rapist? A murderer? Or just some dozy **** who broke one of the handful of laws in the UK that’ll get you into an actual jail these days? Well, in case you need some cash for fags so you can stop the Ugh Brothers ripping your tender arse-parts in two, how’s this for an idea:

Sue someone on the outside using public funds for something utterly mad. Let’s say… clearing out a flat you “vacated” eight months previous as you were thrown into chokey and didn’t bother to tell them. Despite the fact they are paying to keep your stuff in storage.

Which I know sounds bizarre, but that’s what repeat rapist Thomas Cope has just done to Melody Goymer, a hairdresser. Remember, this is the UK and your legal rights as a law-abiding citizen mean **** all. What’s his argument? The fact that under the current government he’ll be allowed out a week on Tuesday having served 1/16th of his sentence so he’ll need the rotten veg in his fridge?

He’s “won” £750. It’s looking to cost Ms Goymer around £20,000 in legal costs. And as I said, she’s paying £60 per week to store his belongings – she hadn’t even disposed of them. At first you wonder how this can happen… then you realise that it’s simply another example of the ******-up legal system in the UK. I think what’s worse than the fact that it happened is that it’s just not a surprise.

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**** off, annoying Christians

The Walt Disney Company

This isn’t a go at all Christians, just the usual moral minority handful who are *******. One in particular has popped her head up and made a tit of herself this week in the news.

First off, I’m not one for art. To me, 2000AD is “art”. I like the pictures and the detail. Constable’s “The Hay Wain” – yeah, credit where it’s due. It’s not exactly a Brian Bisley or Geof Darrow wraparound cover, but there’s definitely some talent there. But a series of fictional characters with bonk-on’s doesn’t really class as “art” to me.

This is what was on display at the Baltic Centre in Gateshead recently. Little sculptures of ET, Mickey Mouse, Jesus and other imaginary figures which most of us would giggle at have caused Emily Mapfuwa to seek the help of the Christian Legal Centre in demanding a fine and jail time for some mad Japanese gimp. Regardless, the police have said there’s no case to answer.

Her comment that they “would not have dared depict Mohammed in such a way” is bang on the money. Because then the Baltic would have been bombed or something, not suffered the whingings of one sad ****** with nothing better to do with her time. One’s an inconvenience, the other’s… well a sad whinging ******.

Have Disney taken action? No. How about Spielberg? No. And I don’t see the author of the Bible popping up soon demanding damages for copyright violation.

Oh, I also find it amusing that such a thing as the Christian Legal Centre even exists. Roll with it, you arseholes. Some people will insult you. The majority of the world believes other things or believes in nothing. Can’t you just settle yourself with “knowing” we’re all going to Hell and you can stick your fingers up at us in the afterlife?

Oh (2), and “Mapfuwa”? Sounds like a really dodgy sound effect from a Viz cartoon featuring a man masturbating furiously only to be interrupted by a donkey crashing through his front door.

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Another one bites the dust

Front cover of the BBC Radio Collection releas...

The man who produced the original radio series of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Geoffrey Perkins, died in a car accident yesterday. Pretty sad news, especially as I’m a huge fan of the series and also upsetting to see someone else so comparitively young (he was 55) passing away.

Life goes on. Maybe I should pick up a copy of the series somewhere and have a re-listen as some kind of tribute. Any excuse is a good one.

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Lloyds are *****… no they’re not

Don’t worry – I’m not confused. I’m just reporting on a story that shylady passed on to me, which is great as it saves me doing any real work. Ideal, being that I’m a lazy ****. And have just passed my Rescue Diver course so I’m about to go out and celebrate with beer and pizza from the pissant place over the road who wouldn’t reply to my emails (hence why I’m diving with another company, staying with another hostel and only visiting their place for cheap food).

Anyway, the story on the BBC reports that a guy had an e-banking password of “Lloyds is pants”, but one of the staff changed it – without telling him – to “no it isn’t”. Funny, but not ideal when you’re trying to access your funds in a hurry.

Apparently, whoever did it no longer works for the company. Surely, then it would have made more sense for them to change his password to “Yes, they ******* are” as it sounds like the act of someone who’s working out their notice.

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