Category: Football

Can it get any worse?

Newcastle United crest: 1983 1988.

Now is not a time to be a Newcastle United fan. Good grief.

I didn’t get to watch the game last night as it was on at around 3am over here, and the only places in Bali open that late are playing thuddy dance crap and not showing football matches. From what I’ve read, it was a **** game anyway – quoting NUFC.com “the least worst team prevailed”.

Now there’s news that Terry Venables is to helm us until we get new ownership. While he kept Boro afloat after Bryan Robson did his best to sink them, he didn’t enjoy as much luck at Leeds (if my memory serves).

Add to that the rumours kicking around (mainly from Obafemi Martins‘ agent) that a Nigerian conglomerate are looking at buying us out and we start to look like a sodding soap opera again. Yes, they’ll put Kevin Keegan back at the helm. Yes, he supports their plans. No, I don’t believe a word of it.

Call me cynical or overly web-history-sensitive, but if someone mentions “Nigeria” the first two words that spring into my mind are “scam” and “corruption”. Unfair, perhaps, but there you go. Are we sure this isn’t some email thing?

Hello my respected wonderful colleeg,

My name is Bolngwu Ebanji and I am a lawyer of most respected degree reprezenting my  candidates of high standing who are very rich indeed. We have seen the problems besetting your most wondrus soccer squad and wish to help.

We wish to purchase your club for the sum of UK450million (four hundred and fifty million British pounds) and offer this in all of good faith and good intenshuns in which I am sure you will except it.

Unfortunately, all of our money is held in the country by lawyers operating for the head of our conglomeratz’ uncle, Mr Debolo Mungkawi, who passed away and joined our Hevaenly Jesus, one year ago. So that we may proceed to release this cash, please can you be send us the banking details of your soccer club?

We need the name of the account, account numbers, sort codes, access codes, copies of signatures, fax numbers, voice recordings of those authorised to access it and so forth. These we all need with all due haste so that we may begin proceedings to move the money from our country to yours.

In exchahge for this we will give you Kevin Keegan and the sum of UK50m (FIFTY million British Pounds) to spend on new players and moonshine.

Waiting to hear from you with news of our upcoming good future and partnership

In God and Jesus,

Roy KeaneBolngwu Ebanji (Mr)

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Boring, boring football

I was walking back to the hotel from diving when I saw a few places advertising the footie for tomorrow. It seems the highlight game with an early kickoff is the mackem filth v the boro.

“Ooh,” I though, “In lieu of our game not being shown (surprise) that could be worth watching.”

Then I realised what I’d just thought.

No. No, it won’t be. Boro have been boring for years and the mackems are just ****. Basically, the only reason I want to watch it is to see the forces of darkness lose. But I also don’t want Boro getting any more points. So it’d just be frustrating.

I’ll spend the time studying instead. Or drinking heavily in a non-sports bar.

Is it ManUre’s turn?

Following on from Northern Rock plunging into crisis and being bailed out, then XL biting the dust, it seems that AIG is being rescued by the US government as people cash in their policies at a vast speed. AIG sponsor ManU, and it would be quite amusing to see the World’s Biggest *****Club (c)(tm)(r) wearing a shirt with no sponsor’s logo on it for a while.

Mind, I don’t see any jokes floating around as there were when our sponsor nearly went belly up. Given that the press is based in London with the rest of the hard core Man U brigade, this perhaps isn’t so surprising.

In fairness, even if AIG does flop I can’t see Man U joining us and West Ham in having their manager walk out.

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Déja vu

Crest

Support a football team? Had your manager walk out over complaints that the big cheeses were messing with his transfer deals? Your sponsor’s gone bust?

Must be Newcastle, yes?

Erm, no. It’s West Ham United joining the club as their sponsor, XL Leisure Group, has just filed for administration almost a year to the day that Northern Rock kind of admitted their financial future wasn’t looking too rosey. At least they’ve just signed up a half-decent manager (possibly) in Gianfranco Zola. I always liked his football, good luck to them and him in his managerial position.

I notice, though, that the newspapers and so forth aren’t ripping the piss out of them for all this. Is this because their fans didn’t go as mental when Curbishley walked? Or because they’re another London team so less of a target? Or because Andy “******* ****” Grey doesn’t have an axe to grind with them for no readily apparent reason?

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Response from NUFC

English football (soccer) manager :en:Kevin Keegan

I was pleasantly surprised to get the following reply from Sue at Newcastle United following the email I sent the other day. In fairness, my original message was rather terse (and deservedly so regarding the matters that have gone on at the club recently) so I’m glad to hear back from them. And to top it all, a promise to pass messages on to Kevin Keegan, too.

Dear Iain

I have just received your email from our Customer Services department …………….they are currently inundated with correspondence hence delay.

If you would like to send any messages to Kevin you can send it to this address and I will forward on your behalf.

Kind regards

Sue

At least it’s good to see that other people at the club are doing their jobs well. It’s just the upper echelons who need a severe kicking.

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