Category: Uncategorised

4 o’clock shitters

Every day, it’s the same. I go for a late-in-the-day run-the-clock-down crap and all the ******* traps are full. There are 5 floors in this building, each with only one shitter for gents. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve ended up traversing up to 6 flights of stairs just to park my rump on the porcelain.

Why the hell does everyone else seem to want to lay a cable at 4:00? I’ve got an excuse – I finish at 4:30. Can’t they wait till 5:00?

********.

Sauna of doooooooom

Last Thursday and today, I traipsed to the gym to use the sauna to ease my poor, aching back (sympathy vote). I’ve also used these nice hot rooms when I’ve been suffereing from a bad cold.

Saunas are good for clearing the nose and stuff. I remember one time when I was a kid, my mum got a facial sauna thing for xmas. So we all tried it out. I had a bit of a cold, so mother dearest dropped a smear of Vicks Vaporub into the water so the fumes would clear my sinuses. Worked a treat – never had a clearer nasal passage.

Then I splashed cold water on my face.

SCCCREEEEEEEEEEEEAMMMMMMMM

It felt like an acid burn. You know if you eat an entire packet of stupidly strong mints then breathe in very quickly? Imagine that on your entire face. I thought all the skin was peeling off my face.

Ta, mum.

OK, folks. I’m changing my email address in the very near future. Over the course of this weekend (Friday afternoon until this afternoon), I have received approximately 75 emails. Every single one of them has been spam. No exceptions.

I’ll post here when I change my address. The Weblog’s email address will also change, and may well be replaced with a “form” to fill rather than a direct email. I’ve located a nice little Javascript that encrypts email addresses within web pages using 128-bit RSA algorithms, so those little evil scuttling robot things that scour web pages for email addresses can’t nab it.

Everyone I have contact details for will get an email with the new address as well. The fun bit’s going to be hunting down and changing all the services, billing things and so forth that I have details lodged with…

******* spammers. But we’ve covered that ground before.

Wake up. Little twinge. No worries. Sort brekkie. Feed cats. Get dressed. Brush teeth. Leave house. Get in car. Pull door shut.

*TWANG*

Ya ******.

I’ve spent all day at work, hobbling around like a cripple. It takes me a minute to stand up and there’s no guarantee that I won’t collapse once I’ve done that. Lunch was spent in the sauna at the gym (which did help – for 20 minutes or so), but I don’t seem to have one in the house.

I’m now sat on the sofa at home with a hot water bottle against the base of my spine and some prescription anti-inflammatory painkillers courtesy of my senior manager.

The miniature cold I have isn’t helping. Mainly when I sneeze and my spine attempts to shoot out my arse. On the other hand, at least I might get tomorrow off work. But only because I may not be able to walk.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

I’ll hold back from whinging about the fact that I now have to hit one extra button to get a balance enquiry texted to my phone, and instead point out a slight lapse in logic.

You dial 191. “Welcome to Vodafone Customer Services blah blah helpful blah advisor blah. Please choose one of the following two options. If you are calling from the telephone about which you wish to make an enquiry, push 1…”

I press 1.

“Please choose from one of the following 5 options. If you are calling to report your telephone lost or stolen, your SIM card damaged, or to request an unlock code to access your phone…”

…erm… then you shouldn’t really have picked option 1 should you, you stupid ****?

Apologies to anyone in the Fitness First in Halifax on Sunday afternoon. I was the one in the Newcastle top on the running machine for the second half, shouting “yes!” and “get in!” when we scored, flailing his arms and almost coming a cropper when losing his footing.

have you ever tried jumping or closing your eyes while on a running machine? ******* difficult. And rather embarassing when you go shooting off the end.

Anyway.

The goals were perfectly timed to give me a little boost each time I was really flagging. Better than Lucozade!

Frankly, I’m rather chuffed. 45 minutes on the bike, 45 minutes on the treadmill covering around 35 kilometres between the two. Needless to say, my legs were sodding knacking on Monday.

Picture update

As promised roughly ******* ages ago, I’ve uploaded some pictures of the astoundingly beautiful Bex Marshall to my Fotopic Gallery. Enjoy, but don’t leave the keyboard sticky. This goes for at least one woman out there I know, as well as the blokes…