Category: Uncategorised

Another misleading headline from BBC News. I clicked on it thinking someone was releasing a novelty item in time for the xmas rush. Nice, simple and socially advantageous – a stick-on target you could whack onto the dopeheads that hang around the end of the street. You and your friends then stand a distance away and hurl rocks, batteries, coins, bullets and so forth at them and see who gets the highest score.

Sadly, no. It’s blooming government propaganda about how many of these scrotes they’re going to take off the streets instead. OK, not a bad thing but I like my idea better. A dead chav is one who won’t come back again.

George W Bush’s web site is no longer accessible to browsers outside of the US (unless you use a proxy with a US-based IP address). I’m guessing this is to limit site traffic to people who can vote in the upcoming election… unless they’re postal voters resident outside of the US at present. Like, oh I dunno, the several thousand US troops in Iraq.

The best bit is the error message that appears if you try to get to the site:

If you believe you should be able to view this directory or page, please try to contact the Web site by using any e-mail address or phone number that may be listed on the www.georgewbush.com home page.

Of course, you can’t get to the email addresses or phone numbers as you don’t have permission to get to the page… Remind anyone of the old “Keyboard missing – press F1 to continue” message?

I watched the first in the new series of Teachers last night. The pre-credit bit had the usual bunch in the pub, then popping to the cemetery to piss on Kurt and Brian’s graves.

Now, I missed about 30 seconds at the starts of the program, so maybe someone said something I didn’t catch… but what happened to them? Was it actually explained, or did they just skip over it as a quick excuse for two cast members buggering off?

Aside from that, not a bad episode but I hope it gets better. Still nicely quirky, and the fat bird is well cute. I’m starting to spend more time laughing at the background stuff than the actual script, though.

More on ratboy. First off, in his maneuvers the other night, I’ve noticed he’s succeeded in squashing the border to his little pebble “garden”. The ****. The only damage he does and it’s to his own (soon to be Kim’s) property.

I wound him up something rotten last night, too. He wasn’t best pleased when – after literally screeching to a halt and skidding up the drive then leaving his car parked there again – I went out and took photos of it…

Ratboy: Does it look better on your camera than on the drive?

Me: No. It’s still illegally parked, but the police and council asked me to take pictures for evidence. There are four complaints lodged against you, plus two solicitors dealing with it.

R: **** your ******* solicitors. I can ******* park there if I want. I’m going to work in ten minutes. Can’t you just knock on the ******* door?

M: The point is that I shouldn’t have to knock on your door. You’re illegally parked. It’s as simple as that. Though you seem to be somewhat simpler than that so I understand that it’s hard for you to grasp. Anyway, you know it’s illegal – I passed on those documents to you – the ones you signed when you bought the house.

R: They went straight in the bin.

M: That doesn’t surprise me. They probably had too many long words on for you. So anyway, which is it? Ignorant, stupid of just selfish? Frankly, I go for selfish, or a combination. You are, frankly, the most selfish, lazy, ignorant scum I’ve ever had the severe displeasure to have to live near?

R: Yeah, that’s it. I’m selfish. Maybe you should look at yourself in a mirror sometime.

M: Oh, you’ve mastered mirrors have you? Got past the stage where you think it’s another real person pointing back? You’re full of surprises. And you’r incredibly selfish. You drive around here like a lunatic when you’re not blocking people’s rights of way.

R: What’s it to you how I ******* drive? I can drive how I ******* like.

M: You’re exceeding the speed limit almost every time you leave the drive and go up the street. You skid round corners. This is a housing estate. I know you don’t give a toss about anyone else’s kids, but they do play around here and if I ever do see you in jail, I’d rather it wasn’t for mowing one of them down. Anyway, shift it. I’ve checked and I can clamp you if you park there. It’s private property [this is a fib – I’ve not checked and I think it’s dodgy legal ground, but hey]

R: **** you. It’s not illegally parked. Your girlfriend’s illegally parked [points at Sharon’s car which is most definitely not illegally parked at the roadside, and coincidentally where ratboy normally parks when he’s not blocking the drive… so he’s basically accusing himself of parking illegally when he’s not parked illegally. Oops] Anyway, I know people who can get clamps off.

M: Why doesn’t it surprise me that you know a bunch of criminals who can break into things? No worries. I can also have your car towed. Let’s see you break it out of a locked police compound, or haven’t your mates advanced to breaking and entering just yet?

Ms Rat-Boy: Hey, you can’t talk. You blocked me in the other day, so you’re parking illegally. You don’t have to do that.

M: Actually, I was only trying to get up my drive, which I’m legally entitled to do. I got as far as I could before hitting an obstruction – your illegally parked car. And you were there a hell of a lot longer than ten minutes, so don’t go using that as an excuse.

R: Oh, go back in your ******* house. Go on – **** off.

M: And on what grounds are you going to make me? I’m actually legally allowed to stand here as long as I want… unlike your car.

R: If you’re still there when I go to work, I’ll ******* run you over you ****.

M: OK, let’s make this clear. You are going to run me down, in your car? Which I’m stood in front of, even though you have to reverse to get out of the driveway? You’ll deliberately drive forwards to run me over?

R: Yeah, I’ll ******* run you down you ****. **** off back in your house.

M: [gales of laughter and glee] Thank you! Threatening and abusive language. Thanks so much for helping us prove a point and get more evidence against you, you stupid little man!

R: **** off – have you got ******* microphones everywhere? I don’t ******* see them, you prick

M: This is a digital camera with a microphone, and there are three people watching. I don’t need any more than that. Now why don’t you go inside and calm the hell down, sit and try to think for a bit without making your head hurt and move your car? And stop acting like a spoilt little child who can’t have it all his own way? There’s a good chap.

R: **** you [door slams]

M: Witty. Good night to you. Steve? Did you get that?

Steve (neighbour): Every word.

Hey ho. Shortly after, I was loading stuff into the car when ratboy appeared. He jumps into the ratmobile, and in a screech of tyres comes roaring out of the drive in reverse. Swings the car to the left and just misses Sharon’s car. And I mean just. Maybe 2 inches in it.

For reasons best known to himself, he reverses the entire length of the street and screeches to a halt. It’s wet and I’d guess he skidded a couple of feet when he stopped. Then, he roars back down the street and screams to a second halt a few feet in front of my car (narrowly missing the open driver’s door), basically parking on the opposite side of the street to the driveway. Gets out, storms off in a sulk.

Needless to say, Sharon moved her car and popped it into one of the now-available parking bays. As she was doing so, two young girls who live at the end of the street came walking past our drive on the way home. If they’d been two minutes earlier, I have serious doubts that one or both of them would be able to walk right now – I swear he didn’t look before speeding out of the driveway. That is why his driving concerns me, and it’s only one examnple of how bad it is.

I have also since spoken to the people in one of the other houses and they’ve asked for the details of the person in the council dealing with the complaints so they can add their 2p’s worth. Actually, I think they’ll get about a quid in there.

Oh, the one bit of good news – he’s finally passed his solicitor’s details on to the estate agent. About bloody time. One step closer to being rid of the repugnant bottom feeder.

Well, he did it again. I got in from work yesterday evening to see his shitty white Fiat sat in the driveway. Kim and Sharon has both had to park down the street as neither will confront him and get him to move.

I, on the other hand…

After leaving my car parked behind his, I walked in declaring “if he knocks, I’m in the shower. I’ve just gone in and I’ll be a while. You can’t drive my car as you’re not insured.”

True to form, an hour later *knock knock knock knock bang bang BANG* on the door. I was upstairs. Sharon answered – disrupted from her footie match, no less.

“Ugh car ugh moooove ugh”

“Sorry, he’s in the shower”

“Ugh you ugh moooove *grunt*”

“I can’t. I’m not insured to drive it”

“Ugh ooh-ooh aah-AAH *fart*”

Door closes and (my nice neighbour who was watching from his window reports) all mental hell breaks loose. Pauses. Bottom lip going out. Face like thunder. Car door slams. House door slams. Back out into the car. Beginnings of a 3-point turn…

“He’s going to drive over the lawn!”

“He ******* is NOT.”

Either he realised someone was watching or, for once in his life, common sense prevailed. Car stops, out he gets – leaving the keys in the ignition and the engine running – and storms back into his house.

I gave him 15 minutes, during which he straightened his car up again. Probably glad that the lass at number 7 who tore strips off him before wasn’t around, or she may have seen that his tyres were on her front lawn.

Popped out, moved my car to the other side of the street and had a quick word with a chap over there… who said “just park behind him, he’s a selfish little **** that one.” Surprising, as he lives nowhere near him and hasn’t actually had any issues. He just knows from all the other people who’ve had issues.

Anyway, rat boy emerged a good 2-3 minutes after I’d gone back in the house. He won’t risk confronting me, the little yellow bastard.

Called the council today, as well. They’re adamant that it’s not a planning issue, despite the parking regs being listed on a planning document. They’d actually closed the issue but hadn’t bothered to tell me or the other neighbour who complained.

However, they’ve asked for copies of the documents, and have also passed the issue on to the Antisocial Behaviour department who will take it further. Mentions of intimidation, hygiene issues, persistent noise, littering and basically being a **** kind of made them decide he needs looked at.

As ever, the story unfolds exclusively on here. More as I get it.