Thank ****

Redknapp refuses Newcastle role.

’nuff said.

OK. Maybe not.

“Redknapp was Newcastle’s number one choice”: horse-****. He was the board’s number one choice. Obviously as they asked him and nobody else.

“Redknapp, 60, was immediately installed as favourite to take over at St James’ Park”: let’s make this clear as “bookies’ favourite”. He certainly wasn’t favourite amongst any of the fans or websites I know.

No offence to Harry. He’s a great bloke to watch on telly (not BBC, as he won’t talk to them), but he regularly gives entertaining interviews and he’s about as honest as they come (erm… except regarding transfers and stuff but that’s to be decided in court). However, he’s won nothing with Pompey and relegated Southampton in the last few years. Not the kind of quality we’re looking for.

More pussy

Pussy in a tight hole
Pussy in a tight hole

First off, congratulations to Anni for getting her new job. I told her anyone who interviewed her then turned her down would be mad. There’s only one downside… new job means more travel and less time to look after kitties.

So. If anyone out there fancies looking after one and seven-eighth (roughly) cats for a few months then Anni and I would be very grateful to hear from you. Houses without other pets would be best as they’re not used to dogs and the like. Also, somewhere not right by a main road or slap in the centre of the city as they do like to go out, and also don’t like being run over by big trucks.

I’m due home (for a short period…) around the end of May when my contract ends. I’ll be in Europe till late June then I’m off to SE Asia again for a couple of months. I may head home for the silly season. This could be an ongoing thing. Anni took the little loves on for a year. By March it will have been two years!

If anyone wishes to volunteer, please leave a comment or contact me. Thanks!

"Well, George, we’ve knocked the bastard off."

RIP Sir Edmund Hillary. The quote above is what he told one of his colleagues when he returned to the foot of Everest after becoming the first person to climb it way back in 1953. Anyone who can get made into an honorary Tibetan is OK by me.

On a similar mountaineering-y note, there’s a pretty bad story on the BBC about a volunteer coastguard who’s quit after being investigated for not using safety equipment during a (successful) rescue. Part of me really can’t blame the guy. He’s done what he’s supposed to do – save a life. Had he followed protocol, gone to get his equipment and sorted all that out then the girl involved would likely have plummeted to her death.

He gets roundly thanked, nominated for an award… then investigated. **** ’em. And good on you Paul Waugh. The ******** don’t deserve you.

Worst spam ever

OK, maybe not but it did make me giggle.

Subject: (no subject)
Sender: (unknown sender)
Message:
Don’t be alarmed if your penis gets larger before your eyes

http://www.XXXXXXXXXXX.com/

okomokom oinimreh okudo
oihcynum olfenste oitrapsa
okoyom okaattio oillakis
okvisvel oksels oifiralc

As if I’d plug their website, which I’m not ever going to visit. I don’t like viruses and spyware. Although it’d be tempting to try and crash their webserver.

You know what? I’ve not been alarmed of my penis getting larger before my very eyes since I was about 10. And that didn’t last long once I realised what I could do with it. Lightsabre battles with other kids in the school loos. Make my bedsheets bounce up and down. Oh, and *******.

Worse email advert ever. Fucktards.

You could trust me as well, David

David Beckham has announced that he’d trust three of this friends with his wife, even if she was naked. Just for the record, he could trust me as well.

Is it my respect for him as a certified actor? No. See his stilted turn in Goal! and wonder why the rain forests are vanishing when we have such a vast quantity of wood so readily available.

Perhaps it’s the fact that he has captained my national squad to footballing glory? Well, no. We’ve not won **** for years and the best thing he’s done for England recently was to retire. The worst thing (bar getting sent off 9 years ago) was to cmoe back out of retirement.

Actually, it’s simple. His wife’s a minger. I’d not touch her with someone else’s. If I saw her naked, I’d likely vomit only to be interrogated as to how I managed it without sticking my fingers down my through like the bulimic wench herself likely still does. The only reason for any contact between her and myself would be so I could hold her down and force some ******* food down her throat.

Incidentally, I have it on very good authority that she’s as bossy, annoying, selfish, ignorant and stupid as I always believed. Thing is, I can’t relay the story as it would get someone I know into (professional) trouble for passing it on.