Paris Hilton released…

…3 days into a 23-day prison sentence on “medical grounds“, only they won’t say what they are. I reckon she’s been misdiagnosed as being in hunger strike, the silly bitch is so ******* skinny. Or maybe they’re trying to cover them selves as they didn’t have a cell with the bars close enough together to stop the waif slipping between them. At least we can be sure she wasn’t being sexually abused by Big Hilda. It’d be like trying to lick out a toothpick. There’d be little point in using her as a sexy toy either – she’d not even touch the sides if you shoved her in headfirst.

You have to admit, though, that house arrest doesn’t sound too bad when you live in a palace. Of course, she has another 20 days where she’s not allowed to walk outside and appear on the ******* TV for no ******* apparent reason at-*******-all.

Handy holiday hint

Here’s one for you. If you’re someone who wears contacts most of the time, please bear this in mind. Should you wander around for weeks wearing nice mirrored sunglasses, and then change them for no contact lenses and a pair of regular specs… stop perving women in an obvious fashion as they can now see that you’re doing it. Just because you can feel that little weight on the bridge of your nose and the backs of your ears doesn’t mean your eyes are obscured.

Yes. Whoops.

London 2012 – already a fuckup

I suppose you’ve already seen the newly-announced logo. Isn’t it just ******* awful? On another page they’re asking for alternative designs and pretty much all of them are significantly better.

Mind you, it can’t be bad – it cost a reported £400,000. And it came from the same guy/company who cost BT £5m when they ditched their old logo and went with that guy holding the trumpet a few years back. Remember that? Nah, probably not. It was such a fuckup they ditched it after a very short while and rebranded again. Will people never learn?

The only good thing to come from this is that we beat the French to it, so we can rub it in their faces. Look – we won the games. And we’re going to screw it up. Even the logo. Our little cute Olympic character will probably be a paedophile with a speculum designed to show the arse-widening horror of living in central London these days. But the important thing is that France didn’t get it. We’re going to mess this up in a proper English fashion.

Sad, sad news

This news story had me almost in tears: Northern White Rhinos: San Diego rhino has died

Essentially it looks as if there are maybe a dozen Northern white rhinos left alive. In total. Worldwide.

Twelve.

And after that, no more. Ever.

Think about it. Then realise that for this species it really is too late for us to do anything.

*shakes head in sadness and helplessness*

I am evil

I’m in Jerusalem. I’m 5 minutes’ walk from the third most important religious artifact in the Muslim world and the single most important in Judaism. I can walk to where that guy was nailed to a cross and interred in a little over 4 minutes.

And WinAmp keeps randomly selecting Deicide and Slayer tracks.