**** off you selfish ********

It’s not even been passed into legislation yet and already a bunch of whinging ***** have launched legal action against the English anti-smoking legislation citing the usual “freedom of human rights” horseshit.

Now let’s point something out – New Zealand, Australia, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland already have such bans in place and all have to follow the same guidelines under the Human Rights legislation. None of them have had a problem, or if complaints have been raised then they’ve been quashed. This is called “precedent” and means that if someone lodges a similar complaint without further evidence then it’ll be thrown out of court.

Smokers have had it their own way for decades. What about my right to go for a night out and not breathe their *****? To not have to shower and put my clothes in the wash when I get in?

Smokers (and those who support them despite not actually being stupid enough to smoke) – **** off. Get a life. Be sensible. If you were complaining about not being able to eat fresh fruit in public, or kiss your partner while walking down the street, or say what you feel about politicians I’d be up there beside you. But your’e asking for a right to continue polluting the atmosphere and poison other people, and kill yourselves. Last time I looked, even the Human Rights brigade had an issue with suicide, assisted or otherwise.

A message to tall people

If you’re at a rock gig, don’t maneuver your way through a packed crowd just to stand in front of me. You’re over 6′ tall. Stand at the ******* back – you can see just fine and better than most from back there you bastard freak of nature. And don’t give me the evil eye every time I elbow your shoulder blades or neck when I put my hands up to clap. You chose to stand there you ignorant ****, so you can choose to **** off just as easily.

Birth soup

In the UK: “Currently a birth has to be registered within 42 days, but only one parent is required to do so.” This from a story about birth certificates soon to feature the dad´s name by law. How this will go down with the usual chav situation of pregnancy as a result of a huge stew of baby batter is beyond me…

Apologies for tasteless way of putting it but I can really see this causing a problem to people mis-named as fathers and a load on the NHS for paternity tests. I still think the best way to deal with the problem is to round up all the chavs and kill the *****.

Talking to myself

I was in the car with Noa in Israel (see the Travel Blog a couple of weeks ago) and she started muttering to herself in Hebrew. It turns out she was trying to work out the best directions to get somewhere and asked if I didn’t talk to myself on occasion when I was working things out in my head.

Well, see, I used to. But I’m an obstinate bastard and the arguments I kept having always left me with as bad taste in my mouth. I always had to be right and get the last word in, and when you’re arguing with yourself that’s kind of inconvenient. Plus, I’m a sore loser and I never seemed to come out on the winning side.

I’d use every trick in the book to win the arguments. I’d lie, cheat and insult myself to the point where I just fell out with me. To be honest I’ve not spoken to I for a good few months now and it’s getting a bit awkward as I keep bumping into me. I’m sure people are starting to notice.

Anyway, I have to be off. I’m looking over my shoulder at what I’m typing again and I ******* hate when people do that.