Category: Sport

**** off Andy Gray

Andy Gray, Scottish footballer turned sports c...

As ever, all the coverage on ESPN (Sky) was biased towards ManUre. No surprise there. The pre-match coverage seemed as if it was chatting about a training game. We barely got a mention.

Then at the end, Andy Gray (the ****) blabs out that “Newcastle… erm… United drop two points against their rivals there.”

Well, yes. We did. Although I’m sure that’s not what the idiot meant. Pet hates about Andy Gray:

1) Got it stuck in his head that “United” only refers to one team

2) Wants Alex Ferguson‘s cock up his arse

Andy, you had your day. **** off and leave us alone. Can we please get the Premiership live coverage shifted to the BBC on the basis that the coverage would be infinitely better? And that Andy Gray might be forced to retire?

Oh, as a random aside – what a start to the season. I know they were missing Tevez and that Rooney wasn’t at full fitness, but we were suffering from player shortages as well. With only one up front, I really thought we’d be lucky to remain scoreless. What a performance from Coloccini as well. If he keeps that up week after week, he’ll be a fan favourite in no time.

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Stand up for Sir Bobby

I’m just picking him out as I know about it, but I’m aware that thousands of cancer sufferers face the same bit of news every year. In fact, every week.

You are going to die. Soon. And we’ve reached the point where there’s nothing we can do about it.

Sir Bobby announced the following recently:

“I have accepted what they have told me and I am determined to make the most of what time I have left. I have been fortunate to survive this long. It is thanks to my doctors and their dedication.

“My condition is described as static and has not altered since my last bout of chemotherapy. They have arrested the growth of the tumours on my lungs.

“I am going to die sooner rather than later. But then everyone has to go sometime and I have enjoyed every minute.”

On Wednesday night, he was guest of honour at a Newcastle v PSV Eindhoven game having managed both clubs in the past. As I’ve always said, this guy will drop dead on a training pitch, the dugout or in the stands if there’s any justice.

The sad thing is that it’s going to happen soon, and the world will be a much sadder place without him.

Again, I’m just picking out one sufferer who I have a lot of respect for. I’ve lost relatives to cancer and statistically, I’ll lose more. So if you have a few spare quid that you’re not donating to Blue Dragon, then you could do worse than to forward it to the Sir Bobby Robson Foundation.

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Selfish footballers

Nostrils by David Shankbone

We all know how tasty and satisfying a good sniff is. Or a lovely delve into the nostrils to howk out a sizeable bogey to chow down on as an aperitif. So it really annoys me that with all the starving in the world, the likes of Ronaldo (both of them), Rooney, Beckham – hell, even our own dear Shearer – can be guilty of a horrendous waste of snot.

Many is the time I’ve seen a professional football player snorting a nostril or two full of sticky nose-juice onto the ground during a game. I know they’re rich and I know they drive stupid cars and wear suits that cost more than I earned in a year. I know they can wipe their arses with gold credit cards and use a fresh condom every time they have sex. But to be seen on TV throwing good food on the ground when there are millions starving in the Third World is nothing short of a disgrace.

A campaign should be started to force them to blow it out into a bag. After the game, it could be shipped to a needy child in Ethiopia or the Sudan who can’t generate enough bogies of their own for a good snort. Think of the children! Please, will someone think of the children? And the bogies.

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Back for next season?

Joey Barton made 130 appearances for Manchester City between 2002 and 2007, scoring 15 goals

Well, it turns out that Asbo (a.k.a Joey Barton) has been sentenced to 6 months for… well, being a violent little ****. Which is fine. Thing is, it’s hardly going to affect his footballing as the season’s over. And does anyone really think he’ll actually be behind bars for more than a few weeks at most?

At least we know that the justice system in this country is fair. Rich people get away with pathetic sentences the same as the average piece of filth off the street corner.

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Let them go!

Just catching up on the news from the weekend and I see that the police are mounting the usual efforts to prevent thugs and hooligans travelling to the Champions League final in Moscow.

Can I just say – on this one occasion – let the ******** go? Round them up. Give them free tickets. And beer. Lots of beer. Get them on the plane. Wave them off.

And don’t expect them back.

Let’s face it, do you honestly think they won’t end up in some stinking gulag for 30 years if they kick off in Moscow? You know, the kind of punishment they should be getting in this country only we’re too soft? We can’t do the job properly, so let our Russian friends show them how human waste should be treated.

Oh, and if they could lock up Ronaldo for being a smug **** as well, that’d be cool.