Cure for cancer – best spam ever

I accidentally read a spam. Partly because the subject line was so ludicrous as to br inviting. It was nothing compared to the contents:

Antidote found in Crocodiles


We have an Alternative to DRUGS & ANTIBIOTICS. A Miracle Protein than can help people with serious diseases


Kills ALL known deadly Viruses & Bacteria in the body that keep diseases, namely: Influenza, SARS, Cancer, HIV etc.

A disease must be made DORMANT to stop infection.

‘The ANTIDOTE’ is the answer.


The sad thing is that some dozy muppets somewhere will go off and buy this crap (probably sugar pills or something) thinking it’ll cure their cancer. I mean, think about it. If you ran a company that had discovered a cure for cancer, don’t you think you’d be world famous and not selling your product via email? Sometimes I think that people who buy stuff like this deserve all they get. There’s desparation and utter stupidity. They’re well into the second camp.

Beer + irony

I was supping a couple of bottle of Dog (not “Bud”, not “what?!” – both of which are common mistaken identities courtesy of uneducated barstaff) while watching Newcastle shove five past Israel United FC when I noticed a logo on the back of the bottle I’d not seen before: “Protected Geographical Indication”.

Using the power of the internet, I looked it up and found a hearty definition on this page, which included an example. As it happens, using Newcastle Brown Ale:

“The geographical limitations can be quite strict. “Newcastle Brown Ale” is restricted to being brewed in the City of Newcastle in England. However, having obtained this protection for their product, the brewery decided in 2004 that it would move manufacture 2 miles away to the town on the other side of the river. This does not fall within the required geographical restriction so the brewery is now applying to the EU”

So after trying to protect their interests, Scottish and Newcastle (soon to have no breweries in either of the named regions) will be battling to keep the name of its most famous brew. Good job someone else has come along and invented Toon Ale.

Braids are for poufs

Hey, don’t blame me. I’m just forwarding on the message sent out by the Nigerian football authorities, as reported by this story from Ananova.

They state that “the braiding of hair and ear-rings have a sense of homosexuality”. Only because narrow-minded bible-bashing freaks like yourselves are perpetuating such a myth.

Why don’t they try and do something useful, like lobby UEFA to get rid of that stupid rule about removing your shirt as a goal celebration? Mind you, Sepp Blatter and co are too are too busy coming up with wonderful rules such as making women’s football kits tighter and sexier. You sad, sad, fat little Swiss man.

Comments on the news and a weird kitty

Cat first. Thanks for the comments on snips, jabs and other stuff. They’re all things I’d already thought about but as she/he/it isn’t technically mine, they’ll have to wait until I’ve spoken to Mr and Mrs Missing Link.

Her (we’re sticking to “her” for the moment) appetite does worry me, as the Kit-e-Kat tin says that cats rarely overeat. This thing seems to need food more than any other cat I’ve known. She’s licked the butter off two slices of Kim’s toast, then had a damn good shot at eating the toast itself. She’s also fond of salt and vinegar crisps once they stop escaping by sliding along the carpet when she’s licking them. Don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t stop at licking the salt off. Oh, no. I have never before heard a cat crunching Square Crisps.

Photos have been taken and will be published somewhere when I can be arsed. Be patient.

In other news… NTL have had to apologise after someone hacked their system and left a rather offensive message for those queueing for its customer support (rated as being the second worst in the country). Reports vary as to it’s content (check the BBC and Ananova versions), but it’s basically:

“Hello. You are through to NTL customer services. We don’t give a fuck about you. We are never here. We will just fuck you about, basically, and we are not going to handle any of your complaints. Just fuck off and get a life”

All in broad Geordie – or, possibly more correctly, “North East accent”. After all, all you bloody foreigners can’t tell a Geordie from a Smoggie from a mackem.

Also rather entertaining is the upcoming release of Crap Towns II, the sequel to a little book that came out 2 or 3 years ago. Basically, the result of a daft survey, but the results make pleasant reading.

Hull’s dropped from top to 19th, but the new top ten are as follows:

1 – Luton

2 – Windsor

3 – Sunderland

4 – Glasgow and Edinburgh (joint)

6 – Clapham

7 – Bath

8 – Nottingham

9 – Corby

10 – Middlesbrough

Nice to see the mackems (apparently “not so much a town as a mortuary”) and the Smoggies in there, while proper North East cities don’t feature. I’m surprised at Bath, but it is boring as hell and bloody expensive. And too near Bristol, which is a right shithole. Shame as it’s lovely otherwise.