It’s a bomb! No… a shoe. No… a ciggie.

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Danger - smoking can lead to (alleged) terrorism

Good grief. the news is alarmist these days. There were reports of a Quatari diplomat trying to down an aeroplane using a shoe bomb during the early hours of this morning. After an hour or so the real story comes out – he was trying to have a crafty smoke in the toilets and – having immunity – won’t face any charges.

Apparently he was “tackled by air marshals” which obviously means he was a terrorist. I can see how this one panned out. Someone smelled the smoke, had a word with the stewardess and he was approached or warned. It’s likely he kicked up a fuss – perhaps refusing to put it out, or simply being arsey. There will have been an air marshal on board who will have seen the commotion and a passenger in some state of annoyance.

Said marshal will have announced who he was loudly enough for other passengers to know he was involved. He may have had to grapple with the passenger to calm him down.

So our scene is a recognised air marshal confronting a man. A coloured man. Perhaps even a coloured man wearing traditional Middle East dress (I’ve not heard what the diplomat was wearing). These being the paranoid days they are and this flight being within the US the obvious conclusion to jump to – the man is a Muslim and a terrorist.

I wonder how many of the “witnesses” who came off the plane told reporters they’d “seen” the man trying to set fire to his shoelaces?

Much as I hate smoking and smokers who assume the rules don’t apply to them it is a bit of a jump from “sly ciggie” to “shoe bomber”. I’m annoyed this guy’s been released without charge – I assume due to diplomatic immunity – when he has committed a crime. However, I also think it’s a disgrace that as soon as a person from an Arabic country causes a kerfuffle on an aeroplane, witnesses’ instinct is to label him a terrorist with such conviction it makes it into the news.

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Bittersweet

Sat delayed at Kuala Lumpur airport. I was told the flight would be at 13:40. It’s 13:20 and no sign of a boarding call.

However, there’s a guy sat next to me who’s just found out he has a 4-hour delay. And he wants a cigarette. And he can’t.

His response? “They need a smoking room!”

Mine: “Quit, you idiot.”

Not to his face. He’s big and American and he’d probably try to sue me.

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Scruffy bastard smokers fuck off

At first glance it seems that the poll results are very much in favour of people being able to inflict their misery on others, or at very least along the lines that there’s room for argument:

Smo
Results of Smoking Ban poll

However. By removing all the repeated voting that came in day after day from the same IP address range (i.e. one fuckwit who thought I’d not notice), we get a clearer picture of the genuine results:

REAL smoking ban poll results
REAL results of Smoking Ban poll

So. All you smokers can take your filthy habit and fuck off home with it. Please leave the rest of us to kill ourselves in public in less selfish ways. And while you’re there, have a go at the new poll.

Do you wear kex?

The largest number of voters for any poll so far, I think. Possibly because it’s been up for fucking ages. I have to admit, I thought more women would go without knickers than men, but maybe that’s just in my fantasy easy-access world. Nice to know that the majority do at some time or other, though.

No real reason for the poll. I’m just nosy. And a bit perverted.

Going Commando poll results
Results of Going Commando poll

New poll

So far San Francisco, New York, France, Scotland, Northern Ireland and the Irish Republic have announced or already implemented a complete smoking ban in all enclosed workplaces. Wales have said they’d follow suit, but have to wait for the English parliament to get off it’s fucking shit-scared pansy-arse and make a stand instead of being a bunch of wilting cunts too scared to risk pissing off a group of selfish bastards who don’t care about killing other people with their own bad habit.

What do you think? Complete smoking ban in public across the entire UK? Or should we all be forced to breathe other people’s disease-ridden air because they’re too selfish to care and too stupid to stop?

I think my feelings are quite plain…

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