Category: News

Bye Bye ANS

I’m sat in the lounge of the Base Backpackers in Sydney and someone’s got the TV locked on the E! channel. And it’s showing a huge overlong over-emotional special on the funeral of some blonde bimbo with huge tits who died of a drug overdose.

Basically it seems like an excuse for a load of people to go on about how well they knew her and how much they miss her and how it’s all so unfair and… and… and…

Bollocks. Full marks to her for seeing an easy way to a quick buck (marry a guy who’s about to die) but let’s face it – she was just some blonde chick with artificial knockers. How come famous scientists don’t get this kind of treatment when the cark it? You know, people who’ve actually achieved something, or done something which makes a difference to the whole world? Instead, everyone seems more interested in what colour velvet drapes were used in the funeral or whether ANS’s casket was open or closed.

Well, I suppose she’s just continuing what she was doing when she was still alove – being famous for being famous.

Nukes

It’s funny how conversations wander in various directions. Hans and I started waffling about the Americans not bombing India yet – surprising given how many Muslims there are here, and each one a potential terrorist in Yankee eyes. And how come the US is allowed to get all high and mighty, telling everyone what to do when it’s the only western nation with a) the death sentence and b) a publicly acknowledged torture camp which breaches every human rights agreement the US has signed up to, but is exempt because of it’s geographic location?

They also say who can and who can’t have nuclear weapons. The UK are allowed them as we’re their buddies.

The French kind of are allowed them. They’re in the NATO, but on the other hand they won’t use them against the Taliban so they might as well not have them.

India can’t have them because they’d make shitty ones that broke.

North Korea can’t have them because their leader’s a ******* nutcase.

Russia aren’t allowed them any more as they’re too poor. And the handful of Russians left who could afford them would rather spend the money buying football clubs and pissing us all off that way instead.

Thinking about it, you can annoy a whole hell of a lot more people but buying up and bankrolling a previously middle-of-the-road football club than you could launching a nuke. After all, a nuke’s a one-shot / all over thing. It’s like setting off a single firework at 3am. You’ll wake the neighbours, make a dog bark but it’s all forgotten about in ten minutes.

But buying a football club… that’s like setting up a constant stream of rockets up one after the other from 11pm till it’s time to get up for work in the morning. And you’re not just pissing off the neighbourhood – everyone in Europe not in a blue shirt hates Chelsea right now and has done for two years now.

The other upside is that buying a football club is environmentally sound and fully bio-degradeable. The half-life of a Premiership striker is around 8 years – 5 for Michael Owen as he’s so injury-prone, but 8 as an average. Once their finished, you can recycle them as pundits on TV or just let them fade away. Nukes, on the other hand, have to be transported all the way to Australia and buried in the outback where they make kangaroos glow in the dark for generations.

Let’s pretend

The US is apparently to end warrantless wiretapping brought in after 11/9 to help “stop terrorism”. May I just say:

Bullshit.

What they’ll do is take away the public face of it and still continue to do it. I’m no paranoia fiend, but let’s be honest – if they want to look at something, they’ll do it and not give a **** about your civil rights.

You know, why do I get the feeling I’ll be turned back at the border when I try to visit later this year? Read about it here first… once I get out of jail!

Bush = **** (again)

Hey, I’ve not had a rail against this money-grabbing parasite for a while so here we go.

First off, he’s given the OK to oil drilling in Alaska despite it being in an area heavily populated by rare wildlife. This from a president who refused to sign up to Kyoto and help reduce pollution, emissions and – to do so – oil use. Who’s daddy, coincidentally, is on the board of a whacking big oil firm. Conflict of interest? Well, it doesn’t conflict when you can go ahead and do what the **** you want.

Next, he’s sending another 20,000 troops to Iraq. Hans has asked where he’s getting them from. Shake ‘n’ bake “instant soldier” packs? Or, more likely, the ghettos filled with poor black families who’s children can’t get work anywhere else due to the US education system being in a shambles? My money’s on the latter, for some reason. The blacks won’t vote for him, so they may as well be shipped to the middle east and shot by ragheads – then it’s the foreigner’s fault.

He has stood up and said he’ll accept responsibility for any errors in the handling of Iraq. Very big of him, since the whole world blames him for the whole ******* mess anyway.

Oh, and the US denies any bombing of Somalia. Except the ones on Monday. Because Al Quaida are in Somalia, so that’s OK. Actually, it’s likely because Muslims are in Somalia and as we all know – courtesy of the US scaremongering machine – all Muslims are terrorist sympathisers. I’m just glad I got out of Bradford before Bushy-boy added that one to his “to bomb” list.

Conclusion: Bush=fucktard trying to cram as many little games and money-making scheme into his final few months in office as he possibly can.

About bloody time…

Yeah, yeah – I’ve been nagged enough. A new poll goes up today, but first of all the results of the last one: what do you think of black (liquorice) Midget Gems? Thing is, this has now become moot as Maynards have bought out Lion and replaced the lovely liquorice ones with ******* blackcurrant the *******. Yes, there will be a letter of complaint on its way shortly which I’ll pop up here, but frankly this is heresy. If people want blackcurrant then they can **** off and buy Wine Gums or something.

As for the poll, see below. It was a 50/50 split between those who liked and those who didn’t like them or didn’t mind them. If you want to get really finicky, there’s still 30% who enjoyed them. That’s a fair proportion. ******* Maynards. I wonder what else they make that I can boycott?

Midget Gems poll results
Midget Gems poll results

And now the new survey. I’m a nosey bugger, and I’m also lazy with my washing, so I often go commando. Balls out. Fresh to the wind, save only a single layer of cloth. Without undies. I’m just curious as to how many of you do as well, and how often. Especially women. With photographic proof.

OK, that last bit’s purely voluntary but if you feel the need then you know the address.

Go ooooooonnnn!

Also today

There was a big parade and so on in London(and Europe, I believe) to mark the end of WWII. I was channel-hopping around and caught some of the info stuff on BBC1. Apparently the first allied troop to set foot on Jersey after the Nazis buggered off was one Ronald McDonald.

I’d never recognise him from the old photo they showed (no daft shoes or big red nose), but hasn’t he done well since then?

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